Last year my doctor advised me to lose 20 pounds before a surgery. After losing the initial weight, I felt so great that I kept up my weight loss and over the past year I’ve lost over 70 pounds. I look and feel great, but my weight loss seems to have caused problems between my fiancé and I. At first he was very supportive, but as I started to look better and receive more attention from other men, he became very insecure about our relationship and has gone so far as to accuse me of cheating. The problem came to a head a few weeks ago when he forbid me to go on a vacation with some of my girlfriends. My best friends have all spread to different areas of the country so we take a yearly trip to stay connected. The trip has never been an issue before, but now he says he doesn’t want me away for that long. He thinks that I’ll fool around on him with other men. I love my fiancé dearly and would never dream of cheating on him and I’ve never done anything that would compromise his trust. I recently relocated over 2000 miles from my family to be with him. If that doesn’t prove my love I seriously don’t know what would. He’s always been in incredible physical shape and I thought he would be happy that I got in shape too. Any advice on how to handle his insecurity?
2006-12-31 04:24:43 · 27 answers · asked by ShaunaJ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well it is his own insecurity, and re-assuring him is one thing, but I hope he isnt expecting for youto constanly be stroking his ego, that will get old and tiresome.
Maybe hehas been getting the kind of attention you are starting to get and he is probably afraid you will be all flattered, lose your head, and leave him for some other silver tongued devil.....Men give us no credit sometimes, be strong, re-assure him but tell him that if he keeps up the ridiculous insecurities, and it starts impeding and hindering your life then you wont stand for it, as for the trip, Honey if I only got to see my best friends only once a year, nothing would stand in my way, especially if it is an annual thing. He needs to get over it and be happy that you are getting healthier!!
God Bless you and Good luck!
2006-12-31 04:32:38 · answer #1 · answered by michiganmommyx3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-20 04:07:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insecurity is something 'that' person has to learn to deal with. If you are 'showing' him that he is the only one, then it becomes his problem not yours.
Sounds like he's a little jealous as well, better nip it in the bud before it gets worse.
All you can do is show and tell him, if he still acts a fool, then you don't need it. Next will come the verbal abuse.
2006-12-31 04:28:36 · answer #3 · answered by Khandi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uh-oh.
I had a long term partner who was jealous, insecure and it simply couldn't 'compute' that I was dedicated to him . . . it just goes from bad to worse, that insecurity. It's awful. Made me screwy, frantic, and I changed my life to accommodate him, to no avail. Finally I saw how I was losing my sense of self by walking on eggshells in order to stand in his shadow constantly.
It's too bad he doesn't have a sense of humor, for when he accuses you of (or expresses his worry over you) cheating you could respond, "where could I find a guy who isn't insecure and jealous?" But don't joke with him, he'll misinterpret.
Glad you're finding out about his inner demons beFORE you marry . . . If he'll communicate about it in counseling, you've got something to hope on. Otherwise, there you have it: his love is a ball and chain, you're a prisoner and you'll always be under his scrutinizing judgment.
Think long and hard about this.
Please have a good time visiting with your friends and family, they enjoy being with you and seeing you thinner and having happiness.
Best wishes for your mental health.
2006-12-31 04:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a big thing in a relationship and he has no reason not to trust him if you show him and make me feel there isn't i am sure in time he will see you are true to him, and just wanted to make yourself healthily. Go on your trip show him there is no reason not to distrust. If your friends are in relationship as well have them bring there partner and you invite yours show him what you do so future trips he will know all is good. Time heals. Being insecure is tough, there has to be a reason for that too.
2006-12-31 04:35:04 · answer #5 · answered by Marina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it, explain to him that you love him more than anything, but he doesnt have the right to forbid you from doing anything- espeically if its an annual trip with your girlfriends. You're not even married yet! Maybe get counseling- especially before geting married. His insecurity sounds like it may lead to him trying to control you. If he can't trust you now, he won't want to trust you once you're married- see a counselor and try to get it worked out. Good luck!
2006-12-31 04:30:25 · answer #6 · answered by piratewench 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-01-20 15:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all....Congrats on losing the weight...Good for you! ;) I think you should be able to do whatever you want with your friends. You don't deserve to have a husband that doesn't trust you.
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