Do I say OK??

Question

What do I choose in the following situation??(see add'l details for situation)

My g/f was raped by a two close friends about 6 months ago. She has been through consuling and all. She is becoming her normal self again. She has been asking me is I am ok eventhough we haven't had sex and I said yes, I am fine. She says she really wants to have sex. Should I?? How should I expect her to react??(ie- will it remind her of the last guy, will she be freaked out from flashbacks)
I want to do what will help her and she says this will.

Please give me some advice!! (thanx!!)
Sometimes when I touch her a certain way, she still get freaked out. I have told her I won't leave her if we don't have sex, but she still wants to have sex. Should I??
I don't want to cause her more pain than I would be helping her.
I have told her many times I could wait forever but she still wants to.

Not everytime I touch her, just certain ways scare her.

I just don't want to make her feel scared or vulnerable. The I will feel like ****.

I have gone to consuling with her. I will feel like **** though if she gets upset. What do I do??

I find that I love her now more than before even without the sex(which was there before)
Is this really gonna help??

I find that I love her now more than before even without the sex(which was there before)
Is this really gonna help??

Answer 1

Give her intimacy first and always be sensitive to her needs. What I mean by intimacy is that you hold hands, caress gently, embrace each other, whisper kind sweet things to her and love her. Nothing has to be sexual and just remember what she does Not like and don't do it. I can't say I know where she is coming from I have not been raped but I am sure it was very traumatic and maybe she feels she will lose you if she doesn't satisfy you sexually.
Keep doing what you are doing and reassure her that you love her for her and you will wait for her when she truly can trust you and let her pain and inhibitions about sex go.
I wish there were more real men like you in the world for us ladies.
Good luck and bless you.

Answer 2

Why don't the two of you get some temporary counseling? Family and Relationship counselors (therapists) can help you two look at the situation and explore feelings and expectations about all this. While her desire and decision to be intimate with you is a relatively simple choice, the situation overall is complex.
A little counseling is like taking any machine to the appropriate type of service center. The trained person enlightens you about all aspects affecting the condition and what's good or bad for it.
It could provide you both with the knowledge that gets you through difficult moments.
This isn't really something you want to get into without understanding how the dynamics play out, is it? In this case, 'knowledge is power'.
Best wishes.

2nd Entry:
Well, if she feels ready, then take it as easy as she needs. If she starts to feel uncomfortable then respond accordingly. She seems to trust you enough (you sound conscientious), so that's great. Be as perceptive as you can. Certainly if she could be with anyone, I imagine it'd be you.

Answer 3

Wow, what a great person you seem to be!

You need to have a chat with your lady. Be open and tell her that although you would be willing to resume having sexual relations with her, there are times when she seems to react negatively to your advances and you are afraid she may be pushing herself to do something she is not truly ready for. Assure her that you can wait and are willing to go slow, as she may secretly believe you will go elsewhere if she doesn't have sex with you. I know you have said this before, but reassure her that it is true.

Then, when she believes she is ready, you may get to a certain point in the coupling and then, she freaks. If that happens, stop what you are doing and gently hold her and reassure her that it is ok. She may be worried more about you than she will admit, so keep that in mind. No talk of blue-b@lls or anything crude - as she will NOT find it humorous.

I think you know how to proceed already. Use your intuition and the love you have for your lady and you (and she) will be fine. Go slow, be patient and loving. And let her set the pace, knowing hers is probably going to be different than yours. And from me to you, God bless you for being such a stand-up person! Many claim to be, but through your actions, you have proved it.

And when chatting with your lady, remember that the 3 most important words a human can say to one another is "can I help"? They surpass "I love you" in my opinion, because in loving, you get a personal return, whereas in helping, the reward is focused outward.

Answer 4

I was raped, you just have to take it slow and be patient. Don't rush her. Hold her more than anything to reassure her. Go with with the flow and let her direct you. You can just hold her and caress her around her face, kiss her around her face and tell her how much you love her. As she is really ready, she will let you know. Offer to Attend counseling with her in the future to let her know you will be with her. She may not be sure you really will be there for her. Be honest and communicate and you will be ok. I was ok, and wasn't jittery and I don't have flashbacks, though. Each person handles it differently. Don't be afraid to do lots of cuddling.

You are such a wonderful person. You will get through it. It will take time and you will be stronger as a couple.

Answer 5

Be gentle and patient with her. Please understand if she changes her mind after things get started. If she wants to try, let her. But be willing to stop when she wants to stop. Don't question her to much about it, just watch and react to her.

I can assume you realize anything aggressive may trigger it. Try some foreplay type things for a while and let her get used to the idea. Make it about her. I'm sure that the previous situation was not about her, but about his carnal needs.

If you refuse to have sex with her she may see it as you thinking she is tainted in some way and she won't be able to stop those feelings no matter what.

Answer 6

sure, have sex with her if she wants you to. prepare to stop in the middle of the whole episode as this is very likely. Tell her you are doing it just because she wants you to. That has happened to me before, but I never knew she was raped. I think you should do what she wants. In sex, there is usually a leader and a follower. Ask her to lead. Tell her you will do whatever she asks you to. Keep it simple and don't make it hurt her. Have fun!

Answer 7

Rape is a very violent and traumatic thing to go through. It is normal for her to freak out, but if you want to see her through this, just hold her when she needs it. At this stage she wants help with getting through it.
As I said, rape is physical, violent, and rough. She probably doesn't want her abusers to be the last people who were inside of her. Being with her will help her get through it, but it has to be as opposite of an experience for you that you are capable of, slow, gentle, and passionate. She will probably cry during and it will freak you out. Let her know that you will stop whenever she wants, just tell her she needs to say when. It she doesn't say when, don't stop. It's going to be a very difficult thing for both of you, but it's a hurdle she has to cross at some point and is going to be part of her healing process.

Answer 8

Communication is the answer. Talk to her and see what she is comfortable with during sex. Some things you may find wonderful during sex might just scare the bejeebies out of her. Talk things through and she will let you know when she is ready.

Talk to her and listen to her. :)

Answer 9

look if she wants and u think it is ok then go for it but if she still gets freaked out then i would wait trust me girls dont get over stuff like this

hope this helps

much love,
mg777
email me at [e-mail]
tell her im sorry

Answer 10

No don't say ok tell her that because you love her won't have sex with her cause in the end if you do it might spoil things with her and the relationship might be over so save your self and tell her because you love her and respect her you won't have sex with her if you really love her you won't. She would thank you in the end trust me this is best