some of you may be aware of my situation..my fiance left me 4 weeks ago with no explanation, i was 38 weeks pregnant at the time, we had little contact until i went into labour. i've been really fair with him he's been coming to see baby at my house and i've let him have her 3 times at his, its really hard for me i'm depressed, i still love him but i feel bullied.by him and his parents.after a heated argument today i've told him to stay away and that its time he realised what he's done to me i really feel like he's ruined my life, then i feel guilty because i love my baby to bits. he beat me up 3 times when i was`pregnant but i took him back because i loved him he's a jealous person and still checks my phone. he claims he will go to a solicitor what should i expect and what do i need to do..please dont think i'm doing this out of spite i'm doing it for my daughter and me we really are better off without him.
2006-12-31 03:38:47 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
can i just add.. i dont for one minute think he would ever hurt the baby..also i'm not bothered about him paying towards her csa would only make him pay £9 a week anyway. why do the men always assume its about the money.
2006-12-31 03:53:05 · update #1
fyi ozywadle i'm not claiming any benefits as i have a well paid job and am much better off financially than the babys father. dont assume that i cannot afford to provide for my child this is not about money as i've already said.
2007-01-03 00:00:36 · update #2
Let him go through the courts he will get family mediation and will have to see at a contact centre at certain times and if he does not turns up well he loses his time. Get tough please he cannot do very much, you are in control here. He is a coward like my ex. Of course you are both better off without an abusive violet man in a child's life (this is an appaulling role model). It really annoys me when people say " he is the dad and he has a right to see" well with rights come responsibilies and if you abuse that you are abusing a contract. Childrens deserve boundaries and to feel their mother is protecting them. If he really wants to see the child he will go to court, go to a contact centre and get his supervised access, but perhaps this is more about having control over you? Get tough, protect your child and stop being a doormat, you will cause much more damage to your child showing them how women allow themselves to be abused by useless me? Do you care about his money, err no if it's only £9 tell the loser to f**k off, hardly buys nappies. He obviously has low self esteem, please take control!!!!
2007-01-02 04:18:20 · answer #1 · answered by oceanwaves 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi
My ex left me when my baby was 2 weeks old,for 8 days
I'd had a c-section and we were also married.
He was abusive,and violent
He had me living 10 miles to the next town and kept leaving as and when he pleased,
If I asked him to feed her it would be 'bye b*tch'
If he abandoned you, then he abandoned his child,
No man walks as his partner is about to or has just given birth.
You have to put you first,
I would urge you to offer him contact, but at a contact centre,
You wouldn't even have to see him,
He couldn't be manipulative [like they all can be sometimes] and more than anything you won't look like the bad guy.
He doesn't have any right to be made welcome at your home, or to check your phone.
Get to a solicitor first, tell him that you'd like the baby's dad to have access but not at your home.
Stay within the law, cos it's on your side.
Good luck sweetie x
2006-12-31 09:16:40 · answer #2 · answered by Elle J Morgan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We just had a situation in my state where a man who had never been violent to his girlfriend's kids but had been violent to her (even when she was pregnant) shot her son three times in the head. Whether or not you think he can hurt your kids, he CAN, and even if he didn't you have an obligation to not expose your children to his violence. If you want this situation to get better, you need to seek full custody without visitation. He needs court ordered anger management, counseling, and parenting classes before he'll be able to change his behavior. You need to get away - it's what's best for all three of you.
2006-12-31 10:59:08 · answer #3 · answered by Emily O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you register the birth dont put his name on the certificate if youre serious about him not having anything to do with you or the baby. The law has changed recently and I think that a man has automatic parental rights (although this doesnt include automatic access) if hes on the birth certificate.
You can get supervised visits at a neutral place, without you having to be present, if you contact social services.
If hes still checking your phone after youve finished with him, I dont think hes suddenly going to change into a nice guy. You have to stick to whatever decisions you do make, you dont have to justify them to him or let yourself be bullied by him. He abandoned you, and you dont owe him anything. People will tell you 'oh hes the babys dad, he deserves to see her' etc. But if he was so deserving would he have left?
2006-12-31 03:56:38 · answer #4 · answered by jeanimus 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Problem one is that you had a child with an abusive man. But you can't change that, the baby is here and she's his baby too. Unfortunately, you have to let him see her unless he abuses her too. There are intermediaries who can take her for visits with him. Go to court and get a custody, visitation and child support agreement. And then STICK TO IT... but will you, based on your past history of giving in to him?
When you announced your intention not to allow him to see her anymore, what do you suppose was his parents' first reaction? Is it possible that they picked up the phone and called a lawyer right that minute?
Just because something is right and just, doesn't mean it will happen that way, unless YOU make it happen. Step up!
.
2006-12-31 03:47:32 · answer #5 · answered by Kacky 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Do you have anything on file for him abusing you?
You need to get a clue woman. If he beats YOU when YOURE pregnant with HIS child, then OF COURSE he will harm the child at some point. There IS NOT DIFFERENCE between beating you when you're pregnant, and beating the child. its the same effect. Dont be such a fool. The first time that baby pisses him off enough he'll wail on it just as he did when it was in your body.
You need to get into a protective service, for women and children, and get court orders to keep him out of your life and your childs. That sort of behavior is never going to be acceptable.
You're reaction is exactly that of a woman who is abused. Its not like you have some special magical reasoning or course of action that is special to this particular abusive situation. No, its not like this, you know its an abusive realtionship and situation because your actions are EXACTLY those of all abused women.
Move yourself, and your child, for the safety of both of you. You're better than this, and your child SURE AS HELL deserves something better than an abusive half-there controlling father. Its time to excommunicate yourselves from their lives, his and his parents, and move on.
Do it now before you get anymore stupid ideas, like trying to take him back, or share custody. Dont let that child out of your sight with that man, youre not in your right mind right now.
2006-12-31 04:08:28 · answer #6 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You need to contact a solicitor. Most solicitors will offer a free 30 minute consultation, and this will give you an idea of wether you are within your rights to prevent acsess.
It does seem that you are in the wrong for stopping acsess, if you are genuinely worried for your daughters safety, you should contact social services who can arrange supervised visits. This way, he will still be able to see his daughter, she will be safe, and you don't have to be involved.
2006-12-31 03:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a restraining order..do not let your child grow up with an abusive father. I grew up with an abusive step father and my life was miserable. I started having suicidal thoughts at age eight! Don't put your baby through that do anything you can.
2006-12-31 04:48:37 · answer #8 · answered by ħ Ì Wêår M¥ Mê?ål Må§k 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has no legal rights to see the baby and neither do his parents. You have enough on you with a newborn without adding more drama. If he truly wants to be a Dad, he'll get a lawyer and the courts will figure it out.
2006-12-31 03:43:16 · answer #9 · answered by salinger 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
provided you are in the UK your ex has absolutely no legal rights whatsoever in regards of visitation rights or custody! as long as you did not sign a joint parental responsibilities form!
unfortunately for him tho (despite what NUFC 4 whatever, says) he is liable for maintenance till the child is 16 years old or till she leaves further education.
he is within his rights to take you to court for access to the girl & the court may well make an order that he is allowed to see her periodicaly in a supervised environment (pretty grim & horrible) i know from personal experience that if you do not take your girl to the meet then theres not much the court can do.
they will make another order & you can ignoer that one too. & so on
the court will make themselves sound big & powerfull but they cant really do a great deal.
meanwhile your ex will have to pay a solicitor for each consultation & court appearence till hes out of pocket
2006-12-31 03:59:30 · answer #10 · answered by suzi1100steve 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋