Thanks for reading...I have gone out with a guy about 5 times since September. We have emailed during the weeks between, sometimes call. We like each other. Only kisses and hugs after dates. He lives about an hour and a half away. I go to that town for family, so we have made plans when I am there--he has been very open with his schedule, so have not felt like he is playing me or anything. Actually, he is a nice guy.
I have not heard from him over the holidays. It would have been nice. I was the one who made the last contact and it was returned nicely (a kind text between us, middle of December). I think it is his turn to reach out next...is this the best thing to do? I am not wanting to look needy, but I don't want him to think I am not interested.
What's a gal to do?
2006-12-31 02:03:47 · 18 answers · asked by nycgurl890 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks everyone so far--must clarify...he is NOT married.
2006-12-31 02:20:47 · update #1
More clarity--I appreciate the answers and the thoughts...I have all of his numbers, we met face to face, not an internet meeting. I have been to his house.
2006-12-31 02:23:36 · update #2
wait a week, if he doesn't call, then give him a friendly call and find out what he's been doing, maybe its just holidays with the family. if he seems unresponsive then you will know to move on. just don't act nosey and put too much pressure on him.
2006-12-31 02:10:38 · answer #1 · answered by fman440 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Plain and simple; if he seems to disappear during the Holiday season, he's tied up to someone, somehow. As far as his schedule being open most of the time, he may have a family that he works away from (then goes home for the Holidays). Or, he may be in a trial seperation. A man over 40 usually makes advances beyond the kiss and hug stage by the 3rd date. Since he hasn't, he may be feeling quilty or torn about what to do because there's probably someone else in the picture. Don't let him string you along while he's trying to work it out.
I would try to contact him to let him know that you hope everything is alright, since you haven't heard from him. If you don't have his home phone # and only contact each other via text message or e-mail; run in the other direction! You deserve someone who will be totally devoted to you and won't make you wonder; don't settle for less! If it means being alone for a while, don't be afraid of it. Of course he's nice to you; he's probably stringing you along....sadly. My experience is that MOST men over 40 are players; at least the ones you meet via internet.
2006-12-31 02:20:50 · answer #2 · answered by bfwh218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, i am a 49 year old divorced man, and from my knowledge of my pears, if he's gone for the holidays, then he is married, otherwise he'd of invited you to share the holidays with him, he may be a nice guy, don't get me wrong, and may have just wanted the companionship he's not or wasn't getting at home !, i would do some inveastigating if i was you and / or a lot of questions that need answered honestly by him !, if you don't get the answers you're looking for then there are still a few of us nice divorced / single gentlemen out here, looking for the right lady, but be prepared most of us are very picky and are needing more than a hug and a peck on the cheek , but most of (not all) will be very open and to the point of what we want ! as for myself, all i want right now is physical intamacy with noo strings, ties, or lies !, oh, and no drama ! hopefully all of this helps you ! good luck in your future and the new year !
2006-12-31 02:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably does not want you to feel like he is overbearing or controlling and is allowing you to make whatever progress you wish. This means that as long as you are wanting to continue this relationship, you need to stay in the driver's seat. This is good for you and helps him feel like he is giving you what space you need or want. You need to let him know, by telling him, that it would be nice if he initiated some of the "chase" as well. If it helps you feel that you are an important part of his life, then you need to insure that the communication is open and flowing.
Some of us(men) have had bad experiences with women and tend to be very cautious. Those of us that are a bit older, allow the women to make most of the moves to let us feel them out and see what they are looking for or where they may be headed. Do not take it as a testament to being weak or wanting to be lead, that is not the case. It is a means to let us see whether she is about us or what we can give. The person should be the important issue on both sides, not the gold or other property that one can attest to. Success should not be measured by profitability nor material accumulation, but rather through the quality of friends and the ability to treat others well.
2006-12-31 02:16:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now, I'm only 38...a mere babe in the woods in this context. But, I have had a lot of long-distance relationships, so I'm going to give you my advice anyway:
If this is the first time this has happened, don't read anything into it. Things happen. Maybe he has emailed you, and it got dropped somewhere...the Internet is not bulletproof when it comes to reliability. Maybe his computer caught fire and he can't find your number. Maybe his mother is sick. Maybe, he got so hammered at the company Christmas party he just has not sobered up yet. In any event, you're not going to find out until you ask.
Try not to sound desperate, or even overly concerned, but do reach out to see what's going on. Maybe his ex DID drop by over Christmas and there's something going on...you still need to know. Patience is a virtue...but waiting has its limits.
2006-12-31 02:12:22 · answer #5 · answered by David G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all forget "turns" if you want to talk to him do so ---- there may be reasons he has not contacted you
5 times since September?? that is not very serious -- if you were both more interested it would have been 1 or 2 dates per week at least --- thats what i would want -- and its only one and a half hours away
if you want to see him more just sit down and find out what he wants and what you want
2006-12-31 02:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by trader1867 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's the perfect time to contact him and wish him Happy New Year! If he still seems distant then ask him. I do not want to put a dampener on things but there are a couple of reasons he may not have made contact - he is married or he may have issues with dealing with this time of year
2006-12-31 02:06:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he thinks that you are very nice and is afraid to make a
move. Next time out, at the end of the date invite him in for
"coffee". If nothing comes of that, (if he doesn't take the bait)
it's time to move on to someone else because it should be clear all this fellow wants is a friend.
2006-12-31 02:33:43 · answer #8 · answered by pheasant tail 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient; he sounds like a decent man. Remember, you don't really want a man who's needy, either, or one that's looking for sex. Play your cards right, but try to hang on to this one. I think he sounds like a rare catch in this day and age, from your initial description.
HOWEVER... I have looked at the posts below saying he could be hiding something, and not knowing him, that could be a possibility.
No one's interested in me, so I don't know why I bother to give this advice, sometimes.
2006-12-31 02:05:55 · answer #9 · answered by Joseph C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is hiding a secret from you. Most probably he is married. There are alot of ways to find out if you want to. Being M.I.A. on the holidays is a huge red flag. Good luck.
2006-12-31 02:08:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋