Why do some women, knowing they are pregnant, instead of telling the young man that he's a father, ask him

Question

what he thought of being a father, than when he says he's not ready to be a father, she feels rejected and leaves, only to tell everyone that he abandoned her?

Over the last 18-years, I've seen these cases numerous times, most often involving college age kids. Often, the woman will disappear, only to come back years later with a retroactive child support order, 5-23 years worth, depending on the state laws.

I had a case involving a San Diego Navy Commander, hit 15 years or $85,000 worth. At the time, he was married with 4 children, and living in a 5-bedroom house. They took the house, all their savings, 55% of his gross income, and 10% of hers. They had to move into a 2-bedroom, on base apartment. The mother was someone he dated in college, who suddenly moved back to her parents, and wouldn't see him anymore. She said that he should have known she was already pregnant. The order was upheld by the State Supreme Court.

First off, despite what's been promoted, birth control is not 100% effective. Almost 20% of out-of-wedlock births involved the use of condoms. A woman, over the age of 24, is especially vulerable, as her body is ready and trying to get pregnant. For the last 30-years, more single women have children in this age group than teenagers. This is when they reach full maturity. Males don't reach it until age 30.

Answer 1

In my opinion that situation could have been avoided because if a man is not ready to become a father, he can take precautions that pregnancy would not occur. Also, I really don't feel sorry for the guy in this case because he knew he was expecting a child and did not pursue to support the child. If he would have did his part to take care of his child regardless if he was ready to be a father or not, he would not have all that retroactive child support to pay. I have a lot of respect for my cousin's father. He was not ready to become a father either but instead of waiting on the sideline, he took my cousin's mother to child support immediately after the baby was born because one it was his child and two, to avoid having to pay back child support. Why wait for the mother to take action whereas the father can protect himself from these type of situations by taking control of the situation? Now in the case of the father not being told and if I was the guy, I would be pretty suspicious about why the woman would ask me that question and would ask her upfront is she pregnant. I know any level headed person would. By the way, if you can prove that the people in the situations you mentioned used protection during sex, then you have a point about birth control but I seriously doubt that they did(they would have testified to it). Percentages of pregnancy while using a condom would be totally irrelevant if condoms were never used.

Answer 2

He might just be scared right now. He might come around before the baby is born. If not you aren't going to change his mind. Men are very stubborn and the harder you push to change his mind the further way he is going to run. You can try to go after him for child support which if hes not wanting to deal with it probably won't pay anyway, or you could just walk away. Have your baby don't put him on the birth certificate ( that will give him rights to fight you for the baby later in life) and just take care of your baby, let your family help and forget about him. You don;t need him to take care of the baby. When they baby grows up just tell it that it has all the love it needs from you and your family and that the dad wasn't ready to be a father. Don't bad mouth him but don't idealize him to the baby either. Many Many woman raise kids without the dad and thats ok. You don't need him or his money!

Answer 3

First...if he's not ready to be a father, he should have taken better precautions to make sure he didn't become one. He did the deed he has to live with the consequences.
As far as retroactive child support orders...that's just messed up. If she disappeared on him, and never told him he has a kid, she has no right to anything he has. Child support should only be available from the time the request is filed.
A lot of women go years telling the father they don't want anything from him, and then when she gets into a bind, all of a sudden she wants him to pay for the past ten years. That just contributes to why people think women can't be trusted.

Answer 4

Unless their is abuse I think it is absolutely disgraceful for a woman not to tell a man he is going to be a father. There is no excuse unless the man has completely disappeared off the face of the earth. Men SOMETIMES have a hard time when they have kids and end up worse off but you hear too often that men don't take responsibility for their children how can they when there are women out there doing this sort of thing. A child has a mother and a father so who gave the woman the right to keep this to herself and how unfair on the poor innocent child

Answer 5

Don't act like its all the womans fault. DO you think the woman was prepared to become a mother. And if a woman out of the blue asks a guy what he thinks about being a father he should get a clue. Why the hell would someone who is not married ask that question unless they were pregnant?

Answer 6

That is out of this world crazy. The State is so power hunger they take food outta people's mouth. Her is another scenrio that the State f ucked up someones life. My best friend male cousin is 21 he met this girl at a club, they exchange number and went on their way. Later that night she called him at 1:00 a.m or so (mind you he lives in my home and I testified for him) well she took a cab to our house , came in the front door they f ucked she took a cab home got caught sneeking in late , her parents called the police. Come to find out when the police woke us up at 6 that morning she was 15. No idea I seen her myself and she was in a club how could he know, 15 year old dont go to clubs right?. Well this past April he was sentenced to 8 year of mandatory prison with 6 year of probation following. All a true, no lies. So F uck the State. Karma is a B itch

Answer 7

Some women may have had a reason at the time or were scared to tell the man at the time.

Answer 8

The child got hurt in this .Years later w/o visitation. He should hve rights too, TO SEE HIS CHILD & NOW THERE ARE SIBLINGS 1/2 BR, & SIS .WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?

Answer 9

Wow you have made a really good point, thank you.

Answer 10

You reap what you sow.