Mothers who forumla feed from need, not choice...?

Question

Last night I asked if any of you formula feeders had tried to breastfeed first.

I asked this because I tried to breastfeed my son but he had reflux, and he would just throw my milk back up. But the formula he would keep down, somewhat. He is eight months old, and he is just now out-growing reflux. It has been a long and hard road for me. (For any who don't know... REFLUX SUCKS!)

Despite the fact that I formula feed, I hate formula! I am a breastfeeding activist. And it still angers me that I gave up so easily with my son. I have vowed to myself to do it differently with my next child.

And though I did not initially choose to formula feed, I feel that people automatically assume I did when they see me feeding my son.

What do you all think? When someone goes on a breastfeeding rant... And they have no idea that you DID try... What do you say to them? Do you ever feel guilty?

Brenda, I was in no way implying that reflux requires formula. I generally just refer to it as reflux, but son was diagnosed with GERD. And my problems with breastfeeding occurred a couple of months before he was diagnosed. All we knew at the time was that he was throwing up all of the breastmilk he was getting. He was hungry alkll the time. But he would keep down about half of the formula. I wasn't going to let my son starve because he couldn't keep it down. Yes, I could have tried more on my part. But I was young and unsure. I didn't have supprt. I didn't know what to do. I was not trying to blame anything on the fact that my son hs GERD. This is why I am going to try much harder with my next child.

Answer 1

i understand your feelings of guilt and disappointment.
but, you don't need to justify your decisions to anyone. your feelings of concern about other's opinions is due to your own unhappiness about what has happened.
unfortunately, pregnancy and parenting are the few areas that people, who often don't even know you, feel they have a right to voice their opinion about what you are doing and what they think you should be doing differently.
just remind yourself that you are doing your best, and that is all you can do and expect yourself to do.
well done on getting through the horrid reflux stage!
all the best.

Answer 2

Sorry about the GERD. My daughter had it also. She's 9 months now and it's gone! I could never breastfeed. I was on a medication that didn't pass while pregnant, but would through breastmilk. It is also a medication that I cannot come off of. So I had no choice but to formula feed. I was made to feel like I was a horrible mother and that any little problem with my daughter was my fault for NOT breastfeeding her. I didn't feel it was anyone's business as to why I wasn't breastfeeding. I initially felt guilty about not breastfeeding, but it was the best for us. Good luck.

Answer 3

I believe that a lot of women really do try, however they don't receive the support they need in most cases when they have issues with latch, or pumping when they must return to work, etc. because the general public just says, "give it formula." Moms are already under pressure with breastfeeding but then they get ridiculed for doing it in public, and when they're feeding a bottle to a baby, even if it has breast milk in it, they're ridiculed for that. Our medical community has not been educated on how to properly address breastfeeding issues, and therefore will tell mothers to give it up because they can always just use formula. I am a breastfeeding advocate, and I will always work to assist women with it, however if a woman cannot breastfeed, why make her feel guilty?

Answer 4

I have three kids. My first two were boys and I was young and decided right off I was not going to breastfeed. I wish now that I had tried but they did fine on formula. My daughter is now almost 14 months old. I had every intention of breastfeeding her. She was born early and tiny. She weighed 2 pounds 10 ounces. I tried pumping but my milk never came in. I never even got enough for it to drip into the bottle. I tried for more than two weeks and still nothing. Therefore she was put on formula. She has relux (gerd), swallowing difficulties, and several other problems. She has changed formula several times to find what works. She is also tube fed and has had a Nissen fundoplicatio so she can't relux as bad. Other people can be so rude and judgemental. I do not feel guilty that she could not breastfeed. i do feel guilty about the fact she was early and tiny. I tried with breastfeeding and that was all i could do. i was even put on medication to try and bring my milk in and pumped every 2-3 hours. Nothing worked and I quit. Don't worry about what other people say, tell them your son likes his "fake boobie" just fine and leave them with their mouth hanging open. Lol. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I have 2 boys,I breast fed my oldest until he was 3 months old, at which time I took him to the Dr for an unrelated reason. The Dr had told me that he had Lost 1/2 a pound and that I should put him on formula immediately. While I was a first time mom and new to breastfeeding It scared the hell out of me so I did. Later when I was pregnant with my second child I wanted to breast feed again so I did a lot more research. I found that the problem I had with my first son could have been quite easily corrected.I must say that I was Pissed.Due to a Dr that was not quite as informed or perhaps not as keen on breast feeding as he should be I was scared off of nursing my baby. I nursed my second baby until he was 16 months old. Having done both I prefer to breast feed. That being said have done to me what I have I am a firm believer in choice. I think it is up to the mother how she chooses to feed her baby. While i hole heartily support breastfeeding I never would presume the rite to tell a bottle feeding mom that she is wrong or a bad mother.

Answer 6

Honey, the problem was theirs, not yours.
If others want to jump to conclusions, that's not your fault.
You know in your heart that you did the best you could in the situation you were in.
What matters most is that you did the best for your baby, you made sure he got the nutrition he needed, and you shouldn't feel bad about this.

I too am pro-breastfeeding, but completely understand that sometimes, formula is the only way to go.
Think about how many lives formula has saved by allowing moms to continue providing nourishment to their babies when they were unable to produce breast milk. You did what you could. If others had a judgmental attitude and chose to condemn you before knowing the facts, just hold your head up high, and be proud of the fact that at the end of the day, you are a good person and a great mother.

Answer 7

I think people who go on breastfeeding rants are really and simply immature. I nursed my first child until she was seven months, and my second I tried to, but by the fourth month I had no choice but to use formula. Hey I say thats better than not at all, plus my little cherub is happier, healthier, and formula got rid of the colic and puking problem she had. I was using some of both B4 starting on formula completely, and EVERY time she used my milk she had problems. And it was not what was in MY diet, I was doing EVERYthing since she was born to get her to stop having problems. It wasn't what I was doing, she just couldn't handle my milk. I wished I had tried the formula earlier. But I still think women should always at least try to BF.

Researchers have done so many studies and put a lot of effort into making formula great for babies. I really don't see much of a difference. My daughter who breastfed the longest, stays sick and gets ear infections more than my daughter who started on formula early. By the third month all babies need some extra type of iron anyway. Formula or breast milk, is still better than feeding babies juice and sodas and cow's milk. I've known a lot of mothers who don't realize the importance of either one, and just give their children anything (unwatered down). They don't realize how important it is to keep their teeth healthy so that new ones that come in don't come in messed up. I would just tell those who judge you what happened and tell them how you feel, and the studies you did to choose the right formula you chose.

Also, tell them every child is different and you just had to do what is best for your child. Sorry you get so much crap from others, but they have no right to say anything. If they aren't fussing at you about that, then they are fussing at someone else about something else. It is wrong for people to push their beliefs and opinions on others. My dad always says opinions are like armpits, SOME STINK SOME DON"T.

Answer 8

I delivered in a hospital, the nurses gave him formula without my permission so he wouldn't want to latch on to me. We brought him home, did kangaroo care, got an lc, and she said I had to exclusively pump. I did pump for awhile, but I couldn't keep up, I was alone (hubby was in the military) and had no help. I am still very pro-breastfeeding and really want to get it right next time. I do feel guilty if my son gets sick, I think to myself that he'd feel better if he had my milk. I also feel bad when people ask me if he's still nursing, it's automatically assumed by most since I'm very AP (attachment parenting). I have a different answer to different people, it seems like no matter what you do as a parent, others will think you are wrong since that's not what they do. What's weird is that people get after me for other things like cosleeping or not vaxing more than they do with breastfeeding. Maybe because bf is not the norm in the united states or the region I live in.

Answer 9

I understand your frustration. I wanted to breast feed my son so bad. The hospital let me try for a day...but my breast would not let loose because I inherited a family trait that I did not know about...my mother and sister both tried to breast feed and were not successful either. The hospital insisted that I bottle feed because my son would become dehydrated. I felt like a failure because I wanted the best for my son. When we got home my husband put a breast pump to me and tried to pump something out and it got to the point where I was in pain and nothing was coming out. My milk duct was not open enough and there is no way to open it. I really did want to breast feed but since I could not I am happy that my son took formula with no problem. Both of my children are healthy and intelligent so I don't think that formula feeding is a bad thing.

Answer 10

Like you, I am a formula feeding mother who supports breastfeeding.

When my son was born, I worked for a tiny office, and I wasn't protected by any family leave act or the anti-pregnancy discrimination act. I had no maternity leave, and I had to keep my job, so I returned to work 13 days after my c-section. I wanted desperately to breastfeed, so while pregnant I joined the La Leche League, talked to breastfeeding moms, and did probably over a hundred hours of book research. I considered myself armed with knowledge and ready to lactate.

I admit, I still wasn't prepared for the realities of breastfeeding. I knew it had to be learned--both for me and for him--I knew there could be supply issues, or latch issues, but in my heart I needed it to work right away. There were so many things I couldn't do for him, including simply staying with him 24 hours a day for the first weeks of his life. On a very real level, both physically for him and emotionally for me, I had to be able to feed my baby. After several nightmarish confrontations with 2 lactation consultants--one the certified LC employed by the hospital, and the other sent by LLL when I called them for help--I started supplementing with formula, and by the time he was 2 weeks old he was a formula baby.

I don't hate formula feeding. How could I? My son is happy, healthy, advanced for his age, and very loving. Ultimately, it was the best choice for us, so I don't feel guilty. I'm just regretful over the circumstances that made it the best choice. Other than the two LCs I dealt with, no one has ever confronted me about my choice to bottle feed, and I never concern myself with what other people may be thinking when they see me mix up a bottle in public. Frankly, I just don't care what they think. I'm taking care of my baby. They can mind their own business.

The only breastfeeding rants I can't ignore are the ones coming from people who don't consider ANY reason a valid reason for not breastfeeding, and who seem to think all formula feeding mothers are neglectful monsters and that anyone who isn't successful at breastfeeding is somehow half a woman. Yeah, I have plenty to say to those people, but guilt isn't a part of it.

This is long enough already, but please note: I'm not attempting to demonize lactation consultants. I know they help many women and my experience was not typical. I've been told often enough that their behavior was improper, but it was still horrible. I do plan to try breastfeeding with future children, but I don't know if I'll ever let an LC anywhere near me again.

Answer 11

I answered your previous question about not breastfeeding and I was one of the ones who couldn't due to medical reasons. I don't really care what people think of me because it's what was best for my family. If they want to rant at me then they are generally gifted with a detailed description of all the medications I can't live without and their specific uses, side effects, and classifications. It's not anyones business but if they'd like to discuss it I have no qualms with full disclosure on every dirty detail. No matter how fanatical you are you can't convince me I should have breastfed.

ADD ON:
In response to Chamely I don't know where you live but I was repeatedly told horror stories by a midwife on not breastfeeding. Apparently your child will be borderline retarded and unable to perform physically as well. The woman went just short of outright lying I think. I was also given sermons at the hospital after delivery because I was already formula feeding (I went back on my meds as soon as they stopped the bleeding. literally). I really don't think there's a problem with not enough advocates of breastfeeding in the medical field...I think there are too many die hard fanatics in the medical field. My midwife saw me almost go catatonic in her office because I wasn't on my meds at all during the first trimester and still felt that I should stop them for breastfeeding. My real doctors didn't agree in the slightest and were extremely annoyed with her. I'm not saying that perhaps the help there is shouldn't be trained better...because although I'm not sure of their exact training but I think that anyone who's that blindly convinced probably doesn't know the whole story.