Why do I feel like I've wasted my life away?

Question

I'm 29 and I've always been a lonely person. I'm shy around people and I shun socially situations. I want to be normal but it's just so hard. I think about all the things I missed out on because of me being this way. It's depressing when I think about me not having had all the experiences people in their teens and 20s have. Like proms, girlfriends, parties, friends, playing sports...you know? all the experiences associated with youth and what's expected of the average American kid? I wonder if there's people out there that understand what I mean. :(

Answer 1

You can't think about what "is expected". Nothing is really expected. Its more a matter of those things you mentioned being kind of common things young people do. There's a difference.

If you wanted those things you would have sought them out. Apparently, they weren't things you wanted all that badly. Maybe, too, if you were shy and not too sociable you didn't have people to go to those things with. Either way, that was then and this is now.

Sometimes the things you people do are kind of just there and just good ways for them to spend free time while they're waiting to graduate school and start living a grown-up life. People who want to participate do. Others don't. You aren't alone in your not participating in those things.

Sometimes people may do those things not so much because they care about doing them all that much but because they don't want to regret not having done them - as you now seem to be.

You did your youth your way and according to your own personality. There's nothing wrong with that. Most people will probably tell you a lot of those things were over-rated when it came to exactly how much fun or meaning anyone got out of them.

You're young. Address any issues of being lonely you have now (if you're still lonely). Join a few things that people who are shy tend to join (book clumbs, photograph clubs, anything) or sign up to volunteer somewhere (a homeless shelter or hospital).

If you get invited to anything go. Don't worry about who will be there. Just go and find a place to be and see what happens. You can always find a buffet table if you don't want to stand and have nothing to do.

You may want to see a therapist to address the issue of being so shy if it has affected your life to the point where you feel it has stopped you from doing things.

Other than that, just remember you did your youth according to your own personality and preferences. That's not wasting your life. Its doing it your own way and not the way other people may dictate.

You have only been a mature adult for (essentially) the last four years. You're at the beginning of your adult life. Decide now to include things in it that you want to include, and don't be thinking about your teenage years. Most people did not feel that their teenage years were what they wanted them to be, whether or not they played sports or attended parties.

I was a kid who generally didn't miss out on that stuff; and I thought, at the time, it was important. Today I can look back and think how if I had never done that stuff I wouldn't have missed much of anything other than knowing how boring or otherwise unimportant those things really are.

Answer 2

You are way too young to bail out. I'm 48 and with the help of my doctor, counselor, and psychiatrist (along with antidepressants) I am planning out my future. When I'm ready to make my move I will have wasted 25 years where I work, but work was a major cause of my depression. Find a job, but try taking a class that interests you, something you might make into a career. About your novel...writers write, so even if it's a paragraph a week you will be further along than you are now.

Answer 3

first is to stop feeling this way. ever heard of "late bloomers"? you can still do something NOW. you can still bloom. there are even scholars who recognize a certain "catch-up phase". dont dwell on the things that you missed in the past. this will cause you more delays. think about the things that a 29-year old should be (you can do youngster stuff you missed in the past on your spare time, like developing a sport or any creative activity as a minor hobbie) - then try to be a normal 29-year old, visualize yourself doing good on this. expose yourself to any available experience. if you feel anxious about doing new things then take this as a good signal for you to try it all the more. give yourself a chance to make mistakes so you can also learn from them. trust your unconscious to register any situation, when you encounter the same situation again then you'll feel much more confident because you've already been there. this is believing in yourself. whatever you do think of it as an accomplishment. dont rush things, dont be too hard on yourself, be patient, give yourself some time. take things one-at-a-time. "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" :)

Answer 4

The old cliche says that recognizing the problem is half the battle. You sound like you've recognized something you'd like to change. If you don't have someone to help you make some of these changes, I'd recommend that you seek out a counselor. This is certainly not something that you can change all at once. You didn't say if you have anxiety attacks or other symptoms that might also need attention. You need to know that help is out there. Start through your school, church or local social agency for a referral to find a counselor who can help. Good luck!

Answer 5

OK well today's society is pushing people to life's like ours. however with little effort at all you can have anything you put your mine too. trust me i know. I'm 22 and live at home. trust me it can be worse. get some work friends and go out bowling, movies, or even throw a party. make some flyer's put some cool pics of fun things to do on it and get some game boards or even a horse shoes set. or just get a football and hit the park and see if anyone wants to play. it's just a mateur of wanting to and doing it. hope this was help full good luck.

Answer 6

i do! m 17 and i felt this way untill i started cognitive therapy 4 months ago.. i also went to see a councellor, i am now gettin better, more confident, and have a higher self esteem.. let me warn you it is sooooooooooo hard to get results but you have to hang on and not give up untill you start to
but my best tip overall is to face situation you fear however hard they may be, if they go bad then oh well you'll learn from that experience and if it goes right then wohoo ur not so bad at this afterall.. aniway even if when your experiences dont go as gd as u wanted, you should praise youself for that bravery and courage that you have that made you enter that situation.. you have 2 choices, sit here and dwell on the past or fix your present and start enjoying your life.. its in your hands..
all the bext xo

Answer 7

Been there, done that. Try getting into some type of group or club that interests you. Try a home Bible study. Take an Interpersonal Communication class at your local communithy college.

Spend some time meditating on what your interests and talents are, then try to develop those as best as you can, within your budget. And remember this: in order to have friends, you have to be friendly. It isn't easy for people like you and me, but we have to do it!

Answer 8

I can relate.I'm a socially withdrawn person.Most of the time I feel like I'm too deep for most of the people around me.I spend alot of time trying to figure things out while people around me talk about useless things,like what they buy or gossiping. It's a lonely kind of life,thats for sure.

Answer 9

It is all about change.We tend to get caught up in comfort zone and it becomes our own prison.As stated,life is too short not to have lived a little.Believe me I am just like you!It comes from overprotective parenting,right?Well go ahead,take a leap into reality.It will be the best thing for you.Invite a teenage to move in with you and follow their lead.Of course when I say teenager,I am talking about one that is over the age of 18.Enjoy yourself now.Peace!!

Answer 10

Missing these experiences isn't really enough to make one think he wasted his life away. Losng one's life is only due to the fact the he/she had no objective or aim in his life to pursue through a focused course of action. Then eventually this would lead one nowhere. If you think these experiences are good enough to be your life objective, then this is too trivial one to live for. Try finding yourself a major objective for your life and then you will feel that your current problem id of lower significance; one that may be solved spontaneously through usual life frictions.