My boyfriend and I live together and have for 2 years. When our now 10 month old daughter was 6weeks old he cheated on me with some random woman at a bar on a night out with his boys. He claims that he blacked out from drinking too much.Since then we have worked on trust and he went out a few weeks ago for only the 3rd time since the incident for a going away party. I did not find out until today that he lied about what bar he went to. He ended up going to the same one he cheated at, after we agreed that he would never go there again. And he obviously knew that he messed up bc he tried to hide it when a mutual friend of ours leaked it out that he was there. I hate being lied to but want to make it work for our family. I dont want to be a fool, but also blame myself b/c I havent lost the pregnancy weight, and dont feel as attractive as we did when we met. What should I do? Make a big deal of it, or let it go and bust him when I have more proof that he's been unfaithful? Please Help
2006-12-30 20:30:32 · 17 answers · asked by kellie_new_mom25 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just because he went back to the same bar does not mean he was unfaithful again. Get more proof then you should confront him on it. Yea he lied to you about which bar he went to but just let the issue pass. Don't make a big deal about it. Just let him know that he could have told you where he was going. Yea you would have been upset but at least you would know he doesn't want ot lie to you and wants to keep the trust up in the relationship.As long as he is not cheating on you, you have nothing to worry about.
P.S. I don't think you should try and cut him off from going to the bar he cheated in. He is able to cheat in any bar and if he wants not to cheat he won't. 1 particular bar will not stop him from cheating if he really wanted to.
2006-12-30 20:37:48 · answer #1 · answered by LadyofLuxury 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After the baby is born don't sign anything except a paper requesting a DNA test. If the baby is yours sign the birth certificate and pay the child support. Try like hell to have a large active role in this child's life because it sounds like you will be the only stable person this baby will have in it's life. Don't blame this baby for what the mother did or how the grandparents are. Be the daddy and help the baby grow in a positive direction. Everyone needs some type of stability in there life and you may very well be the positive role model this child will need. In court the cheating won't count for anything, you will still have to pay if it is your child. I'm not so concerned about the money as much as I am about you being there, that's important. Especially under the circumstances you are describing here. If you choose to go after custody than start documenting everything about the drugs now, people, times, type of drugs sold. Now that will play a big part in the eyes of the court but you need proof so start now.
2016-05-22 23:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dudes, sometimes, are so scandelous and the most cause of the drama in our lives. If you feel he doesn't trust you well enough to be honest with you.... he will live your entire relationship in a lie and you will always check up on him. It feels better hearing it from your man than others. Why don't they understand this? I'm sorry you hurt and yes, no one wants to be a fool. Do you think he takes you serious if you question wheather your going to leave him or not? Maybe you should and not for games - really do it and move forward. No one deserves a cheater in a relationship. The dude should be honest so you can have the opportunity to choose if this is the type of relationship you want. How selfish of him.
Sometimes people play games and it's up to you if you want to play or take your ball and go play some where else.
Good luck and remember there's many more out there - don't get stuck on 'stupid'.
2006-12-30 20:38:34 · answer #3 · answered by hot single mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight.... because you haven't lost the pregnancy weight, your boyfriend is a liar??? Sorry honey, that don't fly.
If he cared so little for you that he would cheat on you just 6 weeks after you had his baby, he's going to be a cheater your whole relationship.
Do you really want to play the part of the jealous, suspicious wench at home while he's out supposedly with his buddies? You will NEVER trust him again even when he isn't doing anything wrong. But since he's lying to you already, you're going to be miserable. Leave him now and get on with your life. He's a loser and will take you down with him emotionally. He can't be trusted.
2006-12-30 20:41:23 · answer #4 · answered by katme 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Funny as this may sound I think you should take Britney Spears' approach on tihis one... hold on a sec, just the part where she slimmed down and brought sexy back to her figure. I think getting back to your "pre-baby" size will help build up that confidence you need, but you have to do it for yourself... not for anyone else. As far as the cheating boyfriend, here it is straight forward either you're going to learn to accept what happened and move on from it or pack your bags and move on. I know it's going to be hard, but you're got to figure out weither or not you can deal with a situation such as this. Don't and I mean this... do not do it because you want to be a family and have the father of your child there. If you continue to fight about it more frequently he's going to start keeping even more from you and you may even run him away for good... All and all... do what's best for you and your child in the long run, and what you believe you can handle and be happy.
2006-12-30 20:58:03 · answer #5 · answered by Y.a.S.L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make a big deal about him lying to you, but it isn't about you not being attractive any more. You feeling attractive is on your own, he has nothing to do with that, and if he does, then he isn't very nice to you.
If he lied once, then twice, lying is wrong for what ever reason. I'd lay my cards on the table, maybe give him another chance, but he may lie again to you.
If you two are fighting over his lies, then it isn't good on the baby, and I'd confront him on that alone, but don't let your feelings of being unattractive to him any more become an issue.
Granted sometimes we as women contribute to the husbands stepping out, but this doesn't sound like one of those cases.
Tell your boyfriend he needs to grow up now that he's a dad, and that you aren't going to tolerate his lying any more! NOR sleeping around with whom ever he chooses! Yes I would confront him!
2006-12-30 20:41:37 · answer #6 · answered by Ikeg 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to figure out what you want the most: him or to be 'right'? Your weight issue is just a self-esteem thing, it has nothing to do with his behavior. If you want to keep him, work at it. You can't control the behavior of other people and jealousy is a wasted emotion; but one thing is for sure: if you want to make him feel uncomfortable and you have nothing more positive to offer him than nagging and betching, I can tell you now that when he's had enough, you'll be another single, bitter mother with a sorry tale to tell anyone that'll listen...work on your relationship or end it. Quit stalling!
2006-12-30 22:10:45 · answer #7 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
'm coming out of a bad marriage was married for 15 years dated for 3years prior i never cheated on my wife and to this day have not been with another woman . This man has disrespected you and has broken the foundation of any relationship your trust. this man will be a part of your life forever because you have a child together . Do you want to feel this pain forever or build a relationship with a man who will bring love peace happiness and trust to you and your child's hearts. Your decision.
2006-12-31 01:17:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey.....don't u blame your self for any of this.
Guys that are in a serious relationship & have a baby shouldn't go to bars with the guys. He needs to grow up and be a man/
It is up to you to give him another chance or not.
It this continues.and you stay you are a fool. You and your child are worth more
2006-12-30 20:58:30 · answer #9 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of the most important things in a relationship is trust and honesty (they go hand in hand.) Explain to him that you're not so much mad about him going to that particular bar, but the fact that he lied to you about it. Had he explained that he had to go to this get-together, even though he hated the fact that it was at this location, you probably wouldn't have minded!
2006-12-31 00:27:43 · answer #10 · answered by KL 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋