Do you think I'm a horrible person for lying to my husband?

Question

My preteen daughter enjoys playing hockey and wanted to join a local team, but my husband insists that she shouldn't play sports and instead he enrolled her in a sewing/knitting course. He has always discouraged her from participating in sports because he believes sports is no place for females. She is very passionate about hockey so I enrolled her anyway and secretly take her to practice and games. Am I a bad wife for keeping this from him?

In the past he has not allowed her to play soccer, volleyball, basketball or tennis.

Answer 1

Youre not a bad wife but you are a good mother.

This kind of sexist attitude from your husband is a disgrace in this day and age and you really need to sit him down and have a good talk to him.

You have been put in a very akward position having to choose between your husband and your daughter.

Answer 2

Hi Loraine, not to make it sound as if I 'm giving you a lecture, but in my opinion I feel that you should have respected your husbands' wishes and not lie and sneak around behind his back. What if he was to lie and decieve you like that? How would you feel? I'm pretty sure that you'd feel the same way and this can kill your trust that he has for you and ruin your marriage, would you rather have that? I understand your daughter has a passion for sports and that is all cool and everything, but hockey is a really tough sport and not meant for girls. What if she was to get hurt at one of the practices or games, seriously injured to where she had to lay up in the hospital weeks at a time because she was paralyzed and could only eat her food through a straw and then dad gets called up says there has been an accident, rushes to the er and finds his daughter lying helplessly in the hospital bed and asks you what happened, what would you say? Would you tell him the truth or lie about it and have to live with that guilt the rest of your life? Your lies will catch up to you my dear, and you as his wife should have had enough love and decncy to back him on this and explain to your daughter why he feels that way. Not cool there Mom!!!!I see a divorce coming soon

Answer 3

I don't want to put you on a major guilt trip, but lying to your husband is wrong. It doesn't make you a "bad wife", only a wife who's made a mistake. You should be honest with him.
Explain your daughter's passion for the sport and that she it won't affect her femininity.

Why not enroll you daughter in some feminine classes, too? Girls being too macho is a problem, but who says you can't have a balanced life? Hockey isn't going to any less of a girl. :-)

Make sure you're not being to lax with her nor deny her benefits. Your husband may think your daughter will get sweep away with all the problems that we have in society. Sewing classes don't seem too malignant. :-p

Answer 4

You're probably better off trying to reason with him on the subject.
Nevertheless......unless he's absolutely oblivious to what goes on at home, he's going to find out eventually.

The worst part of keeping it from him is the guilt you feel for doing that. I have seldom seen a household where the woman doesn't eventually call the shots even if she makes it look like it was the man's idea. Sooner or later, if you play your cards right, he will come around. Timing is everything.

As a kid, I played hockey for 15 years and loved it. I've been married for 34 years and when push comes to shove....she always wins out.

You're not by any stretch of the imagination a bad wife and I would have to say you're a great mom.
Hang in there and keep on encouraging the little one to follow her dreams.

Answer 5

First: Do not feel guilty about what you have done because whatever you have done is for the betterment of your child..

Second: Such situations are not easy to handle and it is quite difficult to render you exact advice. When a person become obsinate or rigid about his or her views then it becomes an himalayan task to convince him or her.

Third : But doing something at his back will not last longer and the day when he will come to know about it he will react like anything. I suppose you should meet the sport teacher or the class teacher of your child and explain him/her the situation and request him/her to call for the parent meeting for the progress of your child in sport and the importance of the game in which your child is interested and do have potential. Then send your husband to meet her school teacher or the sport teacher. But there is no surity that he will understand truly. Just take a chance.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 6

Sounds more like he's being unreasonable. Doesn't he notice that there are a lot of girls and women in sports? Girls have to participate in Physical Education classes in school. So, does he think that she should be exempt from that class? It seems your husband doesn't believe men and women are equal. Women can do anything a man can do, in my opinion. Now, are you a bad wife? I don't think so, but he will find out, I'm sure. And what will happen when he finds out? I think what he needs to understand is that your daughter can choose her own hobbies. It sounds like he wants to mould her into a subservient housewife type.

Answer 7

You did the right thing as a mother. Your husband needs to understand that in this 21st century, one can't put a force on a child to do things she isn't passion about. It would mean money goes to waste. Explain to him that sports are unisex. Gone are the generations that think sports are boys' activities. Tell him the truth. It would hurt him more if he finds out himself that he was being lied about the activity your daughter is engaged in. There need to be trust in husband-and-wife relationship.

Answer 8

What r u going 2 do when u bring her home with a sprots realated ingury? Keep lying I rather have a feminine daughter then theach her 2 habbitualy lie. What better 2 train ur protege on then her own father. Ur husband. What an examle of torn assunder helping her 2 do it.

Couldnt ur daughter express her self physycaly throw balette,any kind of dance even ball room. swimming if his highness permits. Whould ur daughter compromise rather then lie n do something well,unable 2 share any of the highs n lows with her father at all. Surely nether of them want that.

Answer 9

You are not a horrible wife but u need to tell your husband that u enrolled her to play. And she like playing that sport and he need to be a good husband and dad and tell his daughter that he is very happy for his little girl and make her feel good about playing this sport.

Answer 10

Not at all, your husband should be ashamed of hiding his own daughter from the world. Women have just as much right to play hockey as men. Sorry to hear about your sexist husband and I hope your daughter goes PRO and shows her old man what she's made of = ). Sewing courses? lol?