Confused about my orientation?

Question

Oct. `06 I "came out" to my school as being a bisexual. It started because there was this guy, that I thought was bi-curious or above and, I asked about experimenting with him. He kind of told the school, and, I've kind of embraced being gay/bi at school. The thing is, I don't know if I'm really bi, or if I'm in denial of being 100% homosexual. I used to watch straight pornography, but, I began watching gay because I got annoyed at the misogyny, calling the women sluts/bitches/etc, and objectifying them. I've since...I guess started to love the male body and their genitals, but I couldn't picture myself in a relationship with another male, just hooking up. For girls, I generally adore their faces and bodies, but their genitalia kind of disgusts me, and I dislike big breasts. I also tend to be more aligned in thought and philosophies with females, and I could picture a deep spiritual/mental/emotional bond with a female. I know I have to decide for myself, but I was hoping for some help.

Answer 1

I honestly think you're gay, but only you know the real answer to this question. Take some time to sort it out. Don't rush yourself in figuring out a label. The emotional bonds you picture sound like a great foundation for the brother-sister relationships that you'll find many straight women cherish having with gay guys. As for what happened with your acquaintance, that's really awkward I know. I once asked a guy in high school what his thoughts were on me taking a guy to my prom, thinking he could keep my plans secret until I'd reached a decision. However, it became public knowledge at the school (although i know he never meant it maliciously). With your schoolmate telling everyone your bi, it may feel like its unfairly putting you on the spot, however it saves you the trouble of having to tell some people that you wanted to know but didnt how to tell. Keep that bright side in mind. In regards to your sexuality, only you know the answer, but here's a couple questions to help guide your thinking.
1. Do you feel any sexual arousal towards women at all?
2. Do you see yourself not dating men because you've been taught that it's wrong?
3. What kind of person can you see yourself in a relationship with that's good both sexually and emotionally?
Good luck and take some time to sort things out.

Answer 2

It was not a good idea to talk to anyone about sexual activity with anyone when you know next to nothing about his own sexuality, especially in the volatile environment of a high school.

Don't do it again. Go to classes, enjoy the school as much as you can, but don't expose your very private sexual thoughts (which may be very temporary at your age) to your schoolmates. They are far too immature to handle anything like that -- and oftentimes the worst homophobes (or biphobes) are themselves secretly in the closet.

High school is a very temporary yet important part of our lives. It is not the open, anything-can-be-said environment that some people think it is. There are people there you would never associate with except for the fact that the law says everyone your age has to be there to get an education. There are people there (most of them) you will never see after graduation. Don't bare your private thoughts to such characters. They don't understand them, they can't deal with them, and they often use such private information to hurt other people.

I doubt very much that you are homosexual. My guess is at some level you are bisexual, but only time will tell as to how that will affect any marital/romantic life you could have with a woman.
Then again, experimenting (or thinking about it) does not make you gay or bi either.

Aside from the sexual apects, do you feel a connection to the gay [male] community? Is the dual nature of your attraction to both men and women a steady thing or is it on again, off again?

The thing is, you seem to be very undecided yourself. From now on, keep your private sexual thoughts to yourself, confide to trusted and tested friends, or even a counselor. Do not attempt to get sexual with a fellow you know next to nothing about.

I hope this helps you and does not make you feel bad about yourself. Move on from this incident and have a happy life. Remember, high school (and adolescence) is only temporary.

Answer 3

I had similiar experience when I was your age. I had deep emotional attractions to women. But I did not really have any desire to have sex with them.

I found that although I could not imagine having a long term relationship with a guy I think it was because I didn't know any gay men. Besides it takes a lot of time and energy to find a new sex partner outside of a relationship. If you have a boyfriend there is someone to go out with and someone to go home to all the time.

Answer 4

You are correct that you are going to have to decide but I suggest that the only way to do that is to enter into a relationship with a person of each sex (hopefully not at the same time) it won't take you very long to decide. Good Luck

Answer 5

You're gay, dude. Female genitalia does not turn off a straight man.

Answer 6

I guess you still too young to understand what you like so just give time to the time soon enough you will find out what you reslly want. Good Luck

Answer 7

You probably are bi. You are probably emotionally attracted to girls more, and more physically attracted to guys.

Answer 8

Umm..You are Bi...But leaning on gay...U like girl's appearance...But males in their sexuality...U r Bi...

Answer 9

Not to worry, it's all good.
Just let life work it out for you.
Smile, Be Happy, Enjoy.

Answer 10

talk to another man in your life and try to get confirmation -----------
It sounds to me there is no male role model in your life--just females thats why you feel more "aligned"