What should I do. They think he is boring and they just dont like him as a person in general. They think we are just friends we just decided to get married, we have been dating for a 1 1/2 years and I never told them we are together. He is not a kid type person, he is not a haha fun type person that I am and they think he is a geek and boring and stuff. They are 14 and 16 years old and I dont know what to do there opinion means so much to me. He is not a bad person he is christian an engineer and he is very smart, no he's not cool and he is older than me by 10 years but he is a good person and it saddens me of what my kids feel and think, what should I do?
2006-12-30 18:01:53 · 13 answers · asked by WhereIamis 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
WOW, you've kept this from your children for 1 1/2 years, I hope your kids don't keep important stuff in their lives from you (but they probably do). OK, you need to tell your children about your plans to marry again, this REALLY affects them. The sooner the better too, the longer you put this off, the harder it will be--but it sounds like you've already guessed that one. You can't just run off to Vegas or wherever, come home, tell them "You guys got a new step-dad!" and expect them to just fall over themselves with glee. Explain to them that while you realize they don't think your fiance isn't the most exciting person in the world, that he's a nerd, a geek, or whatever, and they don't have to be his best friend, they do have to treat him cordially and with kindness and respect at all times. Tell them that he is a good man, and the one you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Do not tolerate any disrespect or unkindness shown towards your fiance by your children, this is a wonderful opportunity to teach them the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Best of luck to you.
2006-12-30 18:40:25 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to think this over really well. If you are afraid of being left alone...cause your kids will soon be gone...
Please...for Gods sake think this over.
You did not raise stupid kids...listen to them.
Men come and go, they are your children forever.
They say he is a geek and boring. You said he is a christian,
engineer, smart but older. Did I miss something?? Because
no where in here did you say, I Love Him!! Or even that
you really care for him. You did say that he is not a kid type person. Well that says it all. You hid this relationship
for good reason. It was not wise. Now do the right thing.
Give your kids a huge hug and move on.
This whole thing sounds like your on hard times and want to marry a pay check. Don't make that mistake. Your asking on here because even at 30 your still immature.
2006-12-31 02:39:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say you have to do what is best for you , however, If the kids dont like him this could cause big problems in the house. and if he is not a kid person they are going to do alot of clashig and then the resentment when you take their side or his also keep in mind you both were raised in different generations, and what he considers disrespectful and what you do may not match. I would sit the kids down and talk to them first then sit with him then have a group thing.. get everyone on the same page. yoou may find it better to wait till they are 18 to get married and just keep dating and see how it goes, if the two of you love eachother you will work together for the best solution for everyone
Good luck!
2006-12-31 02:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sentence "he is not a kid person" really makes me uneasy. Is this guy one of those strange characters who never had any children. Is he the jealous type that would get pissy if you do things ..spend money...spend time...etc etc with your kids. If so..he needs to get to steppin. Now, if the kids are just not in tune with him because he doesnt play drums or guitar and like to hee haw all night then oh well. You are a grown adult that knows the ENTIRE story. Not us. You know in your heart of hearts if he has ever done something wrong physically or mentally to your kids. Is he an a s s hole ? They may be picking up on a lot more than you are willing to admit. Please listen to your kids..just because they are kids doesnt mean they are stupid. They are outsiders "looking in" just like friends ..etc...MAKE SURE THE KIDS COME FIRST...
2006-12-31 02:11:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear this. Usually I would say that children pick up on things that we as adults just don't see so you should take heed.
But your kids are almost out the door. I would explain to them that dating isn't the same as it is when your younger and this man is good to you and is not causing any harm to you or them so just as you have made sacrifices for them they must make some for you. If they don't get it then let them make the decision to go live elsewhere.
When they turn eighteen or even just start dating they are going to forget all about you and concentrate on THEM. So don't you think you should take this time and concentrate on YOU?
I don't know what is wrong with these kids. They just want you to be ole and alone while they're out living it up with their circle.
2006-12-31 02:17:00 · answer #5 · answered by Peek@u 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have to tell ya....kids have a good sense of character..you and the kids come as a package deal....don't let anyone come between you and your kids..i don't care how much you love him,i know your kids are older and will be on their own in a few years.....you only have 1 family..men are a dime a dozen
2006-12-31 02:22:13 · answer #6 · answered by crazycul1 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're doing it....without any real regard for what your kids think.
Everything you need to know is in your question: You're doing it without your kid's knowledge to this point, so their opinion is not being considered. You may say that it's important to you, but really, what's important to you is that they accept your choice whether they agree with it or not. And it doesn't sound like that's happening.
So either you call the wedding off to keep peace with your kids, or you continue disregarding their opinion...but you aren't going to be able to have your cake and eat it too, like it seems you're hoping for.
2006-12-31 02:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have avoided telling them for a year and a half. They're really going to have a bias against him and possibly you due to avoiding and lying about it. Come clean ASAP and maybe get some things going that you can all do together to get to know each other. Good luck!
2006-12-31 02:05:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not marrying you to 'entertain' your kids. He's got a position in the dynamics of the family and is to be respected. Commonalities will come from experiences together and time.
They should be respectful and kind to one another and all should show respect to you.
2006-12-31 02:10:01 · answer #9 · answered by *) ayla 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Grow up--you are a parent and a supposed adult--you don't need any kids to agree with your choices in life. If he is such
a good man, that's fine...they can leave when they are 18. You are letting your kids manipulate you.
2006-12-31 02:17:24 · answer #10 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋