Do you think a marriage can truly survive after an affair? How long does it take for the pain and the visuals of the affair to go away? I feel like dying inside, and he acts like its no big deal, then tries to blame it on me. What the ****? I'm also 4 months pregnant with our first child. I'm not ugly by any means. Am I a complete *** for staying or wanting to hopefully work this out?
2006-12-30 15:10:02 · 24 answers · asked by jlowe06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you love him and want to be with him then by all means get counseling whether he goes with you or not.
You are the only one that can decide if it can be saved or if you even want to save it.
He is not respecting you by blaming it on you. That part bothers me. Please get help. If you can't afford a counselor, know that they base the rate on your income. If all else fails go to www.divorcecare.org and find a group near you. They have counselors that can help you sort through all this.
2006-12-30 15:13:26 · answer #1 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are pregnant and not ugly. Okay, and? What, you think the only people who get cheated upon are ugly? Many times they are those who are attractive on the outside but ugly on the inside.
Yes, marriage can survive, if both learn and then apply a lesson that they obviously failed to grasp the first time through. Marriage is not just between you and your mate, but you God and your mate. Marriage is not just based upon what you want, but you are suppose to be more concerned about what is in the best interests of your mate and family.
Look, that he cheated is horrible. Yet I must say this in candor. You have to examine your own behavior as well. No, even if you are total witch, he is still wrong in cheating, but lets be honest here, you MAY, may be part of the reasoning he did or you acted in ways that many could easily find things to justify his doing so.
Maybe he is a turd and therefor feels it no big deal. Maybe he doesnt think it a big deal from how he thinks you have treated him either. Again, you all have to determine that.
Some people make mistakes and then get it right and stay right. Others make doing the wrong things a habit. You know his history better then we and so forth. Basically, an affair doesnt have to end a marriage, if both are honest, find the troubles and then fix them. Just be prepared to do your part and hope he will do his. If not, then you may have no choice but to pull the plug.
2006-12-30 23:34:59 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. Noone can tell you how long it will take for the pain to go away. I can tell you the stress is hurting your baby, so you have to try and stop thinking about that and start thinking about the baby. Everything you feel, the baby is being affected, with you crying and upset all the time, that is affecting the baby. I lost my baby, due to the stress of my husband's cheating, and like most men do, he turned the whole thing around as if this was all my fault. Right now, you just think about the health of your baby and let God handle the rest.
You can't control the actions of others, you can only control yourself.
Give this over to God, and let him deal with your husband.
STAY STRONG...
2006-12-30 23:29:03 · answer #3 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things will never go away with the attitude and treatment your describing that your receiving. You need to get things straight between you two. No matter what you were or were not doing, it's not your fault he cheated on you. It's his. He had no right to blame it on you. Period. He had no right to cheat on you, especially since your having a baby. He needs to accept what he did, if he won't then there is no point in you being around him. It will only get worse if he's acting like this right after he cheated on you. Think. Be assertive, tell him your willing to work it out if he will accept responsibility for cheating on you. If he won't, then say goodbye and leave. Find you someone else and don't look back.
2006-12-30 23:17:05 · answer #4 · answered by Steph C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i couldn't share the same bed with him. if he did it to you once then he will do it again. you have to look after that child. it is best to take careof the problem now before the child comes into the picture and hears about it. you are a a** for trying to work it out. he has hurt you and he might do it again. what happens if he gave you an std or something and caused harm to your baby because you didn't want t leave him. he doesn't care sbout you. there are plenty of good men who won't cheat and take care of your child. the pain will never go away. he doesn't care about your feelings. you don't deserve a creep like him. the same thing happened to me when i was pregnant. i kicked him out and i thank God each time i see my child for doing that. i am stronger because of it. i also took the chance to find someone who doesn't cheat and takes care of my kid. good luck and i hope you will find somewhere in heart to leave and heal before this child comes.
2006-12-30 23:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by myangelbarry 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the pain will somewhat go away ull always remember it, hes an asshole tho for blaming it on you , i know how you feel cause i literally did go through it i think and if you dont want to i get it but have him leave till he either says he was wrong or when the baby is born cause you dont need stress now its not good for u or the baby and can cause the diabetes while ur preg so be careful and focus on u two right now , n wanting it to work isnt bad its the fact that he seems not to listen bout what its dont to u
2006-12-30 23:17:58 · answer #6 · answered by tabetha m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If yall truly love each other ur marriage can survive. The pain will always be there cuz ur partner betraied you. But the love yall have will outway the pain..
But If you dont really trust him take ur self and ur unborn baby and go start a new life theres plunty of men that will love u and ur baby
2006-12-30 23:15:59 · answer #7 · answered by Mar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriages can survive and the pain lessens over time. But personally I don't think it could ever be as good as it would have if the affair hadn't happened. Forgetting is impossible for me, but maybe you'll have better luck.
2006-12-30 23:13:39 · answer #8 · answered by Beth T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are pregnant and the emotions of everything are getting to you. This shows you are a human being ok? It is ok to cry,have pain and feel bad.BUT here's something MORE important.......
YOU HAVE A LIFE GROWING INSIDE OF YOU THAT IS DEPENDING ON YOU FOR EVERYTHING,TO MAKE IT TO BE BORN,REJOICE IN THAT LIFE YOU HELPED TO CREATE AND ARE CARRYING INSIDE OF YOU..........You are NOT ugly,you are BEAUTIFUL..........there is NOTHING more beautiful than a woman carrying a child inside of her. Why would he blame it all on you? You did NOT have the affair,he did. Sweetheart,you might not like what I am going to say to you but......from a Mother's heart to a Mother's heart.........he is NOT worthy of you. He needs to get his act together or get his behind kicked.........somebody needs to wake him up!!!!! Congrats on the beautiful gift you have created and good luck ......I will be praying for you and that little bundle of joy and love,A Mother and a(Mother in Law) and a Gramma
2006-12-30 23:22:27 · answer #9 · answered by grbarnaba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave him. Some people will tell you to stay for the sake of your child, but the affair outwardly stated "Who cares about them, I don't !" Don't waste your time with people that don't consider your feelings. Enjoy your life with your baby. I am the daughter of a single mother. My father had problems with drugs and stuff. He never was in my life and i was happy. Why waste those precious moments with your baby being angry with your spouse? It's a waste. Enjoy life and good luck!
2006-12-30 23:15:30 · answer #10 · answered by Walking Contradiction 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋