How long would you wait for a man?

Question

In love with a man for over three years. He loves me also, i see it, hear it and feel it. But there is a past history that keeps him from moving on with me. We both have children and a past but his past happens to be psycho and uses his children to hurt him in any way that psycho can. suggestions? No i'm not ready to walk away. I can't even stand the thought of someone else layin their head on his chest, brings tears to my eyes with just the thought. I'm lonely (we dont get to see each other but once or twice a week) and don't want to end up old with noone.

Answer 1

My life has always been led by prayer. I don't know how long my wife of over 30 years "waited" for me, but I sure am glad she did. You can't make anyone do something or go somewhere they aren't ready for. Enjoy the times you are together and relax. If your relationship is meant to be more than good friends, things will happen in God's timing. If not, He has reasons and its best to not meddle with His decision. He knows what is best for everyone - most of all the children!

Answer 2

You need to get involved with things, join some clubs, take some courses, do volunteer work to keep busy and create a life of your own. Unless you start to feel better about your self worth you will continue to cling to this person. It won't be easy and you will go through a grieving process but I don't believe either of you are good for each other. You say you don't want to end up old and with no one, yet you haven't anyone now. Why is it that you see each other only once/twice a week? Surely you can do better for yourself....

Answer 3

Be very careful. I dated a guy who had every excuse in the book including the psycho using him. Come to find out the psycho wasn't that psycho and he was just using that as an excuse to get attention, make me feel bad for him and keep us from moving on. I ended up moving on without him. Now, he is using the same lines on someone else. You really are going to have to figure this one out on your own. Only you are going to be able to say how long your going to wait.

Answer 4

I wouldn't wait another minute, if you really like him don't kick him to the curb either.

He sounds like he is either afraid to commit or he is just making excuses. I know how you feel, I was in a similar situation (this guy was so damn fine and sexy) and my suggestion is that you should think with your mind and not your heart. Follow your intuition. Sometimes our heart clouds our good judgment. If he just sees you once or twice a week- is it mostly sexual or do you do things together like a couple. He may not want to commit to anyone right now. It doesn't sound like you are in a relationship probably more like friends with benefits something a long those lines. There's nothing wrong with that just don't get too attached.

You gotta learn how to play the game. Don't put your heart out there like that all clingy - go out there and do your thing. Strong, independent woman with self confidence. I say this from experience.

Answer 5

You have a choice of continuing with the status quo, breaking up and finding a better situation, or doing something dramatic and risky that would force the issue.

I think for now your inclination is the status quo. It's not making you very happy, but the alternatives are beyond what you're capable of now. The fact you don't want to end up with no one is an indication you'll eventually try one of the other options eventually if this doesn't work.

Whatever will be, will be.

Answer 6

I personally have been in love with one for over 3 years now and it seems to me that since we live over 2000 miles apart and I still hang on, that there is something there that I haven't found anywhere else.
I had to learn to meet my own needs and create my own happy.
Then I didn't feel so lonely. You can do this too if you determine that he is truly worth the wait.
You sort of answered your own question by saying that you aren't waiting on a situation, but waiting on him because he isn't ready.
He may never be ready, so at some point you have to decide what is right for you and proceed from there.

Answer 7

I guess it would be however long your heart told you to hang on. Sometimes it takes a while for a man to get over the past,but the past is exactly that the past,as for the ex,he should dump that baggage too,he needs to stand up to her and tell her to back off. He needs to sit down with his kids and explain how things are TRUTHFULLY and he also needs to be TRUTHFUL with you too. Maybe it is time for the two of you to "cool it " for a while and see where that leads you. If you love someone enough,let them go,if they return it is meant to be" ok? Take care,and good luck

Answer 8

Take the blinders off. Why oh why? do all women believe that their current partner's ex was EVIL?? If he wanted things to move on the same way you do, nothing his ex did could stop him..... You sound terribly insecure. If you end up alone, you should be okay with that. If your not comfortable with yourself, focus on fixing that. You're not ready for this relationship to progress...Not until you grow up and understand the reality of combing two families. God forbid you two moved in together and his children had to listen to you calling their mother names....If you do marry, seek pre-marital counselling first.

Answer 9

hello female here
id like to say that nobody can really tel u how long for you to wait on ur man ur in love with only u can decide that bc u no in ur heart how long you want to wait
this is a song that richard marx sings its called "right here waiting" u both should listen to that bc its so very true i listen to that everynight when my husband and i are apart and then when we get to be in each others arms again theres a song called time is on our side by new kids on the block listen to that as well and maybe itll help u with ur question

good luck to u

Answer 10

At this rate you will end up alone. He's letting his past history stop him from getting on with his life. After 3 years of knowing this, it's time to stop the waiting and get on with your life.