Please help . I'm having alot of issues?

Question

Hey please , im really really depressed , and the weird thing is im only 14 . Im depressed about the way i look . The drama at school . and my mom and mines relationship at home , sometimes i stay in bed for weeks and dont do anything ( on school breaks ) And when i have to go to school i dont want to cause im so concerned of what i look like . And the drama that usually happens , and on top of that when i get home me and my mom usually get into a huge fight . WHAT DO I Do !!!

Answer 1

Honey, you need to calm down.

Once you've done that, listen to yourself. Can't you hear yourself? Don't you realize how you sound? You're having a lot of issues, because you're taking these things way too seriously. Don't give yourself problems, don't add to the pressures you already have in life, you're still young. Relax.

You're unsatisfied by the way you look? At 14? Chances are, you're not going to look like that forever. Beauty comes in time. I was quite unattractive at that age, so I understand completely how awkward you must feel. You'll outgrow that, trust me. I'm nineteen now and believe me, the attention you get may be a bit overwhelming.

I'm not necessarily telling you that you should just suck it up and accept the way you look and deal with it, look for the inner beauty within because that's all that counts, etc. with all the cliche galore, because for one thing, I'm not that insensitive and for another thing, right now, people your age can be so cruel and they don't really care what lies inside.

But you know who you are. Work from there. Because as of now, keeping yourself together is of the utmost importance. If you fall apart, everything around you will fall apart.

First of all, stop putting yourself down. You're not going to get anywhere if you keep thinking that way. I know at fourteen, teenagers are really moody, desperate to fit in, overly concious about how people see them. Why don't you take a different approach instead and stand out from the crowd? Leave the pessimistic attitude behind, take away all the cynicism, and hold your head high. A low self-esteem is definitely unattractive, the last thing you want to do is let that consume you. Don't give in.

If you're happy with who you are, and breaking through what the world of superficiality deems most vital, other people may be able to see what's really there. Happiness does not mean everything is perfect, it means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections in life.

Fights between you and your parents is something that is always hard to overcome but it doesn't mean it can't be dealt with. The only thing I can really say is please TALK to your mother. And watch how you say something. Don't be impulsive or disrespectful, and think before you speak. If she immediately blows up, speak to her calmly like an adult, and she may come round and you also have the comfort of knowing you didn't lose control. Who knows, you can even revel in the fact that it has definitely caught her off guard! Hee hee! It works for me.

Get out of bed, hun! That's the last place you ought to be. If you need to wallow in despair for awhile to get over it, by all means do so, but once your done, stand up and do something productive with the time that has been given to you. VALUE IT! If you don't live it, if you don't take risks, you can just watch your life pass by without you. I'm going through heartbreak right now, yet I'm dealing with it and staying in bed is really one of the worst things you can result to. Call a friend up, read a book, exercise...there are so many things that you can do, and sulking is not one of them.

Alas, the drama of school life! What is it exactly? Broken friendships, social, personal, or academic pressures?

Wake up, sweetheart....we all go through this. No matter how hard you try, you can't avoid it. It's the only way we grow up. It's difficult but that's the point. If you can get through all this you can sure as hell handle anything. I know you'll break through. Just remember, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

I was fourteen once and I went through depression...what got me out of it was to realize how lucky I really was.

Think about the people in your life who care for you and love you unconditionally. Those are the people who know you the best and will always be there. They will be there to catch you but also to let you fall to help you experience life. Because what truly defines who you are is how well you rise after falling.

I don't know what religion you are, but you can always look to Him when in doubt because He will be able to help you face and overcome any predicament you may ever come across.

All my best goes to you. Good luck!

~ Callie

Answer 2

Talk to someone now! You need someone you can talk all this out with. Is there a school counseler, teacher, church person or family member that you feel comfortable with? If so then get in touch with them and tell them everything. Any of the above people will help you make the right decisions on what is your best way to handle your depression. Friends are good sounding boards as well but you will find the best advice will come from an adult. The fact that you are reaching out for help is a good step. Now, take the next step and talk out all of your concerns.

Answer 3

Your religion is! First you need to know that God created you and all of his creations are beautiful. So your no different from no one else the most beautiful person on the outside have issues also and the arguing between you and your mom is probably tension on her part and yours , yours with your concerns with the way you look. try and writing a letter to your mom and explain to her how you feel and that way that will keep down all of the confusion and maybe she will be able to help you with your issue have faith in Jesus and he will see you through all of this and remember at 14 a lot of that are growing pains and you still experience them when you be come an adult. Also keep in mind that your mom may be under stress with what ever so she have issues also try and help each other out and while your laying around feeling sorry for your self read the bible or self help books and look at some fashion magazines an try and fix your appearance up if that will make you feel better most of all learn to LOVE your self.

Answer 4

Find an adult who can recommend a therapist for you; maybe you could ask your school counselor, a teacher you trust or priest/minister/rabbi. I have clinical depression and know it's very hard to motivate yourself to do something, even if it's something you love doing. Depression might be hereditary, and/or due to a chemical imbalance in your brain. Talk therapy with the right therapist, plus the right medication (there are a lot available), can work wonders. And don't let the thought of needing medication be a problem; diabetics need medication every day, too! As your fog starts to lift a bit, you may realize that you've been neglecting how you look, and that's why you feel so self-conscious about it; you might want to start caring about yourself a bit more by then. And try to treat - and talk to - yourself as you would to your best friend.

Answer 5

Go see a psychiatrist if your losing days in bed. Try to stand back and look at everything from your mother's point of view. When I was your age I was constantly into it with my parents, mostly because I didn't understand what was going on. If your mom is hotheaded or unreasonable, be willing to work with her because you'll probably be there until you 18 (unless circumstances allow for change). Whatever type of drama is happening at school, don't play into it. If someone is making fun, ignore them. If your having issues with guys or friends, think about what matters most. Your feelings or theirs. Change the way you look, wear some different clothes or dress differently. Sometimes that is all it takes to feel better, is a change.

Answer 6

As far as your looks go - ask yourself what you don't like and if there IS anything you can do to improve it.
The staying in bed so much sounds like true depression to me. There is no such thing as "just get over it". Depression is a serious illness. Ask your mom if she would be willing to take you to talk with someone. If she isn't then PLEASE see a school counselor.
Do you have any friends? Why don't you talk to a good friend, who is willing to drag your butt out of bed when you're feeling depressed? That will do you alot more good than laying in bed worrying about everything all of the time.

Answer 7

relax!!! your only 14, you have your whole life ahead of you and you can be anything that you want to be.
fighting with your mom is only natural at your age. if you didn't I'd be worried. just try hard to remember that she loves you more than anyone is the world and all the rules and conditions are ONLY because she loves you and wants to keep you safe. she is preparing you to be a successfully adult.
the drama in school will be there as long a you go to school. try to stay out of it,or join the drama club and work it out on stage. don't be depressed it is a waste of time you will never get back

Answer 8

Do you have like huge mole on your face, a trace? If not then you should not be concerned with the way you look. Just remember that no one really cares about the way you look except for yourself. So don't torture yourself in vain. Just be happy with the appearance that you have. Concentrate on your school so that when you grow up, you will earn a lot of money and then you could do surgeries. I don't really like my nose. Thank goodness it's not too bad but oh well I am planning on getting it done when I have money for that. For now, I am fixated on my school because that's the most important thing to me now. It should be the same way for you too. Stay positive and remember that your looks don't define you. Good luck. Kiddo :))

Answer 9

Please do take it easy. You are 14 and all of this is pretty common at this age. Everyone passes through this. It is like a transitional phase from adolescence to adulthood. Lot of hormones going haywire..hence all of this touchiness, fights, depression etc...
Do not worry about your looks. I am also below average with regards to looks. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. All of us underestimate ourselves in one way or another. You will get over it.
Try and connect with your mother. What is it that you both fight over? Just try to communicate in a very loving manner. It will help. Do not get defensive about your mother's words. She may sound a bit harsh to you, but her intentions are good.
Don't think that I am taking her side on this, I am not, usually, teenagers are not mature enough to make decisions, but are very eager to do it and sometimes make wrong ones and when corrected, they feel depressed and do not like it.
Hang in there, you will be fine once your hormones settle down..okay dear??
Try to have some hobby, pets, friends, go to a gym and excercise, volunteer and try to mingle with people. All of these activities help you to build your self esteem. I am pretty sure you will be a fine adult when you grow up... Good luck...

Answer 10

Have u told your mother about the issues you have at school - if not do so - I went through 5 years of hell at school due to my appearance and it has affected my whole life - I finished high school 15 years ago and am only just coming to terms with a lot of my issues and when I told my parents recently about what I had gone through they were horrified and said if I had told them at the time they would have taken me to a different school or done anything within their power to help me but I kept everything to myself and it caused not only psychological problems for myself, but, due to the stress I was under at school I was taking it out on my family and causing arguments. The best thing you can do for yourself is talk about the problem with parents, guidance counsellors, doctors - anyone.... just don't try to handle the problem by yourself and don't ignore it because it could ruin your life.