We have dated/lived together for 2 years. I told him that we can't live together anymore til a commitment is made. He said he'd move into his parents house, although he said he didn't want to. I am moving in with my grandmother until I finish my degree which will be much cheaper/better for me/us. I said he could live w/me if he agreed to pay 1/2 the bills and save $60-80/month for my engagemet ring which would go to a savings account. Is this fair for him and me?
2006-12-30 14:13:16 · 19 answers · asked by PlasticTrees 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He also said he couldn't do the commitment yet because he couldn't afford to buy me a nice ring, so that's where this came in and he seemed ok w/it.
2006-12-30 14:15:04 · update #1
yes if a commitment is what you are looking for.
2006-12-30 16:17:13 · answer #1 · answered by AngelWings 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable and natural for you to want the commitment. But after two years it doesn't seem like he is ready for it or that he even wants one. He seems comfortable without it. Perhaps too comfortable. You need to watch out for what further excuses he comes up with for not committing to you. He may be delaying in order to distract you into forgetting what you really want from him. In the meantime you're smart to pursue you education as that is a solid and dependable investment. Doesn't hurt to concentrate on what you want since you've given plenty of yourself to him so far. Does that sound fair?
As far as you two continuing to live together you better find out how your grandmother feels about having him under her roof.You may have been a bit presumptuous to give him the OK before consulting with her. That's the part that doesn't sound fair. Otherwise he should stay with his parents whether he wants to or not. No need to make it convenient for him to be further accessible to you by remaining in the same dwelling. That way you can see just how serious he is about wanting to remain in a relationship with you. Maybe being apart far awhile will clear the air so you can see where he really stands with you. This is the time for him to step up. Nothing unfair about that!
2006-12-30 15:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard of anything good coming out of a forced or even slightly forced commitment. You can't turn someone into someone they're not, and you can't make people love you or commit to you, it has to be something they really want to do. You have to let things happen as they will, and do what's best for you. If you think you need a commitment, you may have to find a different person to be with, and count your blessings you didn't get into a marriage just to end up divorced because the feelings weren't completely mutual.
2006-12-30 14:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by laurajoy79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't committing because he is not ready yet, it has nothing to do with the ring.
You were right to ask him to move out if he wasn't ready to make the commitment if you were, but you should then move on. To say that he has to save a certain amount for your engagement ring is very shallow of you. The engagement ring is from the guy and should be what he can afford. To demand a certain amount says a lot about you and i guess that may be why he hasn't proposed and committed to you yet. I wouldn't.
2006-12-30 14:21:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are ASSuming that he really WANTS to purchase an engagement ring. Sounds to me as if this fellow is avoiding that issue all together, and why not, you've been living with him minus a commitment. NOW all of a sudden you want one. Now there is no real reason for him to make a commitment since he already got what he wanted from you in the first place.
2006-12-30 14:18:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you sure pack a loaded question! I could go on and on.....lol....about your question however, it boils down to this......
From our point of veiw, it makes absolute sence but if "you give a man an ultamative, he will back away"
Now you have in a sense given him a "timeline" and men are not good with these things...especially when women are being emotional AND logical at the same time!!!
Don't get me me wrong, it sounds like you two are "solid" but after all, he did move back to his parents (even though he didn't want to)
Sometimes the struggle to make ends meet is the solid foundation for a life together.
Remember, men like to ask when they think the time is right...when it's perfect!
Good luck and remember to work together.
2006-12-30 14:35:56 · answer #6 · answered by Northernlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying to make him be someone he's unwilling to be. He is not interested in commitment. If you sort out the problem of how to pay for a ring (via your savings scheme) he will only find another reason why it's not possible to get married. Forget him already, and find someone who has the same goals in life as you do.
2006-12-30 14:17:14 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is for better or for worse, for richer or poorer... need I go on? You were right to give the ultimatum of him moving out, but forcing him to save for the ring makes it a chore, and makes him seem like a little kid being reminded to do his homework. If he's not passionately professing his love and begging you to marry him, you might want to think about keeping up the momentum you've created for yourself and just further your education and life. Without him.
2006-12-30 14:20:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-28 18:52:08 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buying a nice ring has nothing to do with it and yes your correct and fair in what you are doing. if you are ready for a commitment and he isn't you need to move on. You are only waisting you time otherwise.
2006-12-30 14:17:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have to tell a man how to behave before marriage you are practising to be a mummy not a wife. A bit of time apart will do you good and open your eyes. The people on here can see clearer than you and you should take notice.
2006-12-30 14:37:32 · answer #11 · answered by Pilgrim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋