My son is very bright - but chooses not to do well in school. He is also getting multiple detentions. I am putting him in an after school program to help with homework and he is in counseling. But I get frustrated and don't know what to do to help him. I feel as if I actualy need to stop trying to help him and "fall on his face". Maybe then he will "wake up and smell the coffee". I also have an 11 yo and 5 yo and the stress the 13 yo is causing me is of course effecting my relationship with them and I don't believe this is fair to them. The 11 yo and 5 yo are also adopted and are the 13 yo's biological siblings. Is there a web site someone can suggest to me to help me with this?
2006-12-30 14:12:32 · 15 answers · asked by sixdogs2many 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
It was asked of me: Why after school program: It is called "Gear Up" and is a tutoring program by older students helping younger students. It is the only reason he passed 6th grade. His detentions are for behavior - not doing what told to do such as being quiet or focusing on work.
He has a lot of past history that he has refused to deal with (before he came to live with us), ie: exposure to drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and domestic violence.
I live in a small town and as of right now I have been unable to find any one to hire for private tutoring or even private schooling.
2006-12-30 14:34:39 · update #1
Why an after school program to help with homework? Why aren't you helping him? What are his detentions for - behavior?Does he have consequences at home if his homework is not done? Does he really get the help he needs in the after school program? I would hire someone every afternoon to go to your home, sit with him until his homework is done.
I would keep him in counseling. I work in a middle school and the kids that are usually bright but choose not to do well - usually have problems at home or with friends/peers.
2006-12-30 14:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anne B 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to let him know the consequences of not doing his best. His friends will move up a grade, he won't. He'll have to stay in school longer. Set a time every day to look over his homework with him, and help him study. Set goals and reward him when he does well. Punish him when he doesn't. Limit his time doing fun things and have him study, or help around the house.
Try calling your local high school and asking for a male student that can help you. I recommend a male, because then it's someone he can and will look up to. They'll probably be able to find a male that wants to go into education and is on the honor roll that would be willing to help you. Try a local college if you can't get a tutor at the highs school level. if that fails, sometimes teachers do tutoring after school, especially the younger ones.
I hope you get everything fixed and he understands he needs to do well.
2006-12-31 00:10:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you. 13 year old boys are hard to deal with. I really did not like my son at that age.He was rude and disrespectful..opposite of the kind of child he had always been. You have to pick your battles with them. You cannot fight every issue that comes along, decide what will make a diference in his life and maybe let some of the small stuff slide for now. As far a tutoring...I think the after school program sounds good. You may also check with the councelor at your local high school and see if you can find a student to help. My children were in the National Honor Society and they tutored students in various subjects. Some of ther teachers in our school also offer tutoring services, but often a kid will respond better to another kid and see that doing good in school is not just for nerds.. Cool kids make good grades too...
2006-12-31 08:13:04 · answer #3 · answered by JIM D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, to say it but I agree with Pearl. It is teenage years. I have a 13 yr old, about to be 14 in Jan. These next few yrs. are going to be tough. My child was failing this year and to make a point I met with all her teachers at once with her present. They all said in front of her that they knew she could do better. After that meeting she started doing somewhat better. Then, she would slack on some of the homework or tests every now and then. So, I emailed on of the teacher's that she had made a very low grade on a test.( great way to keep in touch with teachers and students grades) I told her I knew the grade was there to stay...but was there anything else we could do to make a point. YOU HAVE TO STUDY AND DO HOMEWORK...the teacher made her memorize and recite a 20 line poem in front of the class. She was told there would be VERY strict consequences if she did not do this.(Private School)She did it and the teacher did give her extra credit. She is doing much better. This is a difficult time in their lives and they are trying to find independence from us and still be a little dependent at the same time. I am struggling to... I sure hope this is helpful. Prayer also helps.
2006-12-30 22:54:28 · answer #4 · answered by CJ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I will agree with those who say, "its the teenage years" with one exception.
His past means there are a lot of emotions pent up in him.
So I really feel that you need to be as supportive as possible. You are doing a great job trying to get him to be the person you think he should be, so now, while he is at home make it "we love you for who you are". Shrug off the detentions, and/or bad grades. For the next 2 years, you and this kid are going to be fighting for his life. If he knows that when he comes home, he is coming home to a loving, non-judgemental sanctuary, he will survive the "teenage" years even with his past luggage. If however he has to fight his battles at school and at home, he will find his sanctuary somewhere else, and that is usually some place that you really don't want him in.
2006-12-31 08:47:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that sounds like my son ..you've got to get strict with him right now.i took away the game boy and alot of other things he enjoyed for a while until his grades were brought back up and his attitude changed...i even grounded him for a while ,made him do extra chores but i also listen to every thing he had to say every day about what was up at school and sat and helped when i was able to(i work nights) with his school work.don't give in ever no matter how rough it gets on you.this is the age he is going to try you to see what he can get away with.also make sure he totally understands quitting school is not a option(maybe not now but closer to the age that he could without saying it like say "you expect to go to his graduation")just keep to your guns like you would with a toddler but it's the teen thing now.good luck.
2007-01-06 03:08:23 · answer #6 · answered by chan72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try talking directly to him. Dont approach the subject by saying "honey are you having trouble coping with your past?" because that will immediatly shut him off instead sit him down and say "I've noticed you arent doing well in school, why is that?" Then let him tell you. If he says "I dont know" ask him ifhe knows what you could do to help. Talk to him like an adult and dont patronize him. Just try to communicate with him. My parents told me that if I got low grades they wouldnt be mad as long as they knew I had tried and wasnt just slacking off try telling him that you wont be mad if he tries and let him know thathis multiple detentions are showing you that he isnt trying.
I hope this helps. ;-)
2006-12-31 01:46:22 · answer #7 · answered by me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in ninth grade. In elementary school and middle school I was exactly the same way, mostly rebellious in sixth grade. Once I called an assistant principal... well you won't want to know...
Just let him be, don't get on his back. It'll catch up to him... eventually. Then he'll see that he's the only 20 year old still in the ninth grade and will actually TRY.
2006-12-31 19:58:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a friend whose son wasn't doing well in 6th grade so he decided to hold him back a year. Well now his son is in 11th grade and he is doing great. He makes A's and B's and the dad said it's the best decision he ever made to hold his son back a year. Maybe you should just let your son stay back a year and maybe it will make a difference too.
2006-12-31 01:37:29 · answer #9 · answered by hellok723 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats what 13-17 year old boys do, they only think of girls, and how to impress them, then they don't think of their school work, and try to be smooth and popular, nothing will do to help him, have you tried talking to him? Or hiring a teacher after school to come to your house, and tutor him?
2006-12-30 22:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by Shelly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋