my husband and I have been together for 25 years and he's been doing somethings to make me think that he's cheating and this has been going on for a long time now but he keeps saying that he's not aware of what he doing to have me thinking this way so the other night I broke it down to him bit by bit piece by piece all the coinsedents and for the first time he didn't say a word he just heard me out.and the next day he told me that he couldn't sleep and that he felt guilty and when I aked him why he felt guilty if he wasn't cheating and he never cheated he just said that he wanted us to be a happy family and he wants to clebrate the coming of the new year just being with his family just being happy with the one's he love and that there's noboby else out there for him cause he's with who he wants to be with and that's me my question is why do you think that he's feeling guilty do you think it's because he was doing things that he wasn't aware of tell me what do you think.
2006-12-30 14:07:15 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also told him that if I find out that he's cheating I'm leaving because I find it hard to be with someone that I can't trust and he knows that I am serious than a heartattack
2006-12-30 14:12:03 · update #1
I am really tying hard to believe him but something inside keeps telling me that he lying through his teeth. so I'm just preparing my self so that if I find out he's been lying I can leave at the drop of a dime.
2006-12-30 14:17:08 · update #2
He's probably cheating....and since you said you are going to leave if he tells you he was cheating....he will probably not tell you he was cheating. It is a lose/lose situation for him. There is no reward in telling you the truth....there is no reward because he knows you are on to him.
It sucks....I KNOW!!! They say you can work through it....with counseling and all of that. Ease up on him and maybe he'll come clean and maybe the two of you can find out, together, what went wrong.
2006-12-30 15:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by diapercakesbybecca 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My experience is that when you begin to see signs (especially enough to confront your spouse) that something is definitely going on. You have known him for 25 years, so you must know him very well!
It is also my experience that people who are not guilty do not feel guilty.
Something was up. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. Maybe he was thinking about leaving, maybe not. Maybe he was thinking about cheating and the other party didn't reciprocate. These are only a couple of the thousand things that could have been going on.
Still, to want to be with you and renew your love on New Years is a wonderful thing after 25 years. Unless you have something very concrete, or unless it is really bothering you, I'd just enjoy the New Years celebration and keep a little sharper eye on things for the first few months of the year.
2006-12-30 22:16:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well 25 years is a long time and some say that no matter how long you have known a person you can still never really know them... if that makes sense... It all depends on how hes been acting and what has he really been doing to make you feel like he is cheating... Maybe he really was just taking you for granted and realized what he had and he really wants to try harder and do better... Surely you two still love each other after 25 years... Love gets you anywhere. Dont leave
2006-12-30 23:04:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating on you and that is the reason why he is feeling guilty about it. He also has a fear of you leaving him. Give him a healing time.
Tell him that you will accept him as he is and convince him to believe that even if he has cheated on you, you will not leave him.
He will confess very soon.
Leave him alone for few days and do not discuss the topic, he will open up, give him space.
And one more thing he is human if he has cheated, things would have being out of his control.
Please women on this world accept that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, either of them cannot expect the same thing from the other.
And last piece of advice if you are happy with him why you want to know whether he has cheated on you or not?
By leaving him you are going to get pain as well.
2007-01-01 14:59:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry about what's going on in your life right now. it's a tough situation, and there are no easy answers.
I read over your information several times before giving my opinion, so I truly hope it brings you some comfort in making your decision.
from what I've gathered, this doesn't sound good at all. you seem to have a really strong gut feeling about your husband being unfaithful, and when you've been with, and have known someone for 25 years, you know them about as well as the back of your hand. and the fact that he couldn't sleep means that something was bothering him, and on his mind so strongly it kept him awake. that, combined with his feelings of guilt really makes it sound like he has cheated, and may still be cheating. and the only way to really get to the heart of the matter is to ask him straight out. he owes you that much.
it honestly sounds like he's scared that you've found him out. he really owes you a straight answer, and you deserve to know the truth about everything. just remember, whatever he says, you are not to blame for any of this, so don't feel guilty. we all make our own choices in life, and we also have to live with them daily. I sincerely hope that he hasn't cheated. but be prepared for the worst.
I Wish You the very Best, and I will keep you in my prayers.
2006-12-31 02:39:46 · answer #5 · answered by atiana 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does it matter what anyone else thinks? You have been married to this man for 25 years, that is a long time. If you asked him this and he said no but acts guilty of something at least he has a conscience. It sounds like maybe he does have something to talk about though. Try this approach, Honey I know you and I feel like there is something that is bothering you, if you decide that you want to talk about it I am here for you and remember there is nothing that we can't work through if you talk to me.
After 25 years its worth taking the effort to work on it. I wish I could say that I would have been smart enough then to do the same.
2006-12-30 22:18:07 · answer #6 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is feeling "guilty" because he got caught. The reason he didn't say anything at first was because he was trying to figure out a way to get out of getting caught,so he had to rethink what he had done and how in the world did you"catch on". Then he had time to go over what he wanted to say to you and make it sound "good" and that you were at fault in this. My gut instinct has told me this,and I have been there before so that is why I am brave enough to say the truth to you,unfortunately. Now the decision is up to you as to what you want to do,stay and put up with him or suggest a counselor and see if he is willing to go and make things work. Good luck Praying for you
2006-12-30 22:12:31 · answer #7 · answered by grbarnaba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
being a man he might honestly be not aware that he is doing things like taking you for granted for instance-it depends on what these cheating indicators are-i think if you really wanted to know you would've researched him by now-maybe there is a part of you that doesnt want to know and of course wants to believe what he says.maybe you should ask yourself if he was cheating what would you do?are you willing to leave him or get a divorce?if not maybe you shouldnt or dont really want to know.i wanted to know when my husband started having cheating indicators-they were suddenly spending more and more time away from home with his"guy friends"and being on the phone late at night with supposedly various family members(actually it was the other woman)and wanting to try weird sex things we never even talked about and he was totally comfortable doing.come to find out his cheating had been going on a while with more than one girl and we had a 1 and 1/2 yr old child together and been married for 5 years and we were still sexing as much as always so obviously it wasnt the old excuse"my wife isnt giving me sex "he maybe just feels guilty hopefully for taking you or your marriage and his family for granted HOPEFULLY!!!GOOD LUCK!!!!
2006-12-30 22:19:26 · answer #8 · answered by jellybeans33 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because he feels guilty does not mean he is cheating. He might feel guilty for a lot of reasons... and he probably feels guilty because of the pain his behavior has caused you.
You are the only one that can determine if he has cheated.
25 years is a lot to give up without hard evidence...photos or seeing it with your own eyes...
2006-12-30 23:18:09 · answer #9 · answered by hokiegirlvt79 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't jum the gun, honey. He is innocent until proven guilty. There may be other things on his mind that cause that kind of reaction. The fact that he is still there and wants to spend the rolling of the new year with you means that he still wants his family together... otherwise, he would have left already, or at least gone to spend the time with his mistress. Keep an eye on the situation, but until you have anything concrete, you need to give him the benefit of the doubt. If you don't, you may be the cause of your relationship breaking up, and he never did anything to provoke it... it was strictly your paranoia. Give it time sweetie and have a Happy New Year with your hubby.
2006-12-30 22:15:09 · answer #10 · answered by joe d 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋