Child support or relationship?

Question

Parents (fathers and mothers)..... if you have custody of your kids, which would you rather have for your child, child support money or for the non-custodial parent to develop and keep a healthy relationship with their child(ren).

Which would be more important to you and why?

This question isn't getting out of child support. The question is to get others to think outside of the box. When you were a couple the child had both parents, and when you split the child should be able to keep both parents. Money can not replace the relationship between a child and their parent. Some custodial parent tends to forget that they did not have that child alone. And child support good only until the child is 18, but the relationship with the other parent is for life. I have seen alot of emphasis put on a dollar amount rather the relationship. Ask any child who had to group up without one of their parents. They will tell you that they would rather have a relationship rather than $1000, $100 or even the small $25 a month. You can't put a price tag on time spent on a child. So I ask, which do you prefer? Worse of all, if one of the parents were dead, the only money available would be from social security - and even that won't replace the absent parent.

Answer 1

I am in this situation. I have full custody of both my children. My ex does not pay child support. Instead, he see the kids 2 days one week and 4 the next - sort of like joint custody. I do not need the money, but would rather have the kids spend time with both of us. He buys them clothes and other things they need, just like I do. Some women count on child support to pay their bills when they should go out and get a job. Child support is intended to be for the child - clothes, food, schooling, etc. Some people would say child support is for house payments and car payments. But wouldn't the ex still have to pay for a house and car if he/she didn't have kids?

Answer 2

I'm not a parent but i have to say that even if i didn't get the child, i would still keep a good, loving relationship with it. You shouldn't be thinking about the money, you should be thinking about how much you love your child. Not even all the money in the world is worth more than the joy of having a kid! But both are very important as the other parent should support you. But, having a good relationship is better.

Answer 3

That's a very loaded question. Just tell us your situation and we'll better understand what you are trying to get at. We are wondering things like:
Is the mother totally broke and father a bad influence anyway so the money would benefit more.
Is the child support so little like $50 a month that having a better relationship, any relationship at all would benefit more than $50 a month.
We need to know more details.

Stop philosophizing and just ask a question that you actually need an answer to instead of wasting our time. I don't even think you were asking for advice about a particular situation you are in, you are just posing hypothetical questions to amuse yourself or as an experiement!

Answer 4

I would say the relationship with the absent parent because more than likely if their gonna keep that relationship with the child that means their gonna do all they possibly can for that child to have all that they need. It's just more important to me for the children to be able to communicate with the parents because they really need both parents to develop a healthy life to come.

Answer 5

My husband has 2 kids and he is very involved in their life, but because their mother has custody, he still has to pay child support. I don't know how it works if they have joint custody. But I would rather have him involved in their lives, than just send money. It's not easy to raise children when two parents are separated, but each parent has to put their differences aide and concentrate on their children. Children need love and attention and care from both parents. A lot of parents care too much for their own feelings and not their children's. Maybe that's why there are so many messed up kids these days.

Answer 6

Both. You need the money to help raise that child. Your child needs the relationship with the other parent as long as the non-custodial parent is not abusive or puts that childs life in danger in anyway.

Answer 7

unless we were starving, or living somewhere really bad due to money, choose the better relationship with the non-custodial parent. I'm doing this now.. have had full custody of 3 kids since divorce and I make sure they see their dad.. it makes them grow up healthier and they realize that he didn't want to share custody. We get very little in the way of support from him. I don't have to say a word about it. Kids aren't dumb.. but it definitely pays off for kids to keep on good terms with both parents.

Answer 8

One is unrelated to the other. If the noncustodial parent doesn't maintain a healthy relationship with the children it's thier loss. They will have bitter children that don't want anything to do with them. Child support money is to help the raising of the children. However, child support shouldn't be set so high as to deny the noncustodial parent time. High support = extra work hours.

Answer 9

In my personal opinion I would prefer for my child to have a relationship with her father versus the money. I am a mother of a five year old girl and the relationship or bond that my daughter has with her father is much more precious than any amount of money. Money comes and goes but their love is forever and that means more to me than anything. I could care less about child support, because I work everyday to provide for my daughter and whenever I call her father and tell him that I need help he is always right there.

Answer 10

OMG. what kinda statement is that from that woman above? the mother wouldnt have a house payment if she didnt have kids, she could go get a one bedroom apt for much cheaper. single parents do have jobs, dingdong, just cant pay much on minimum wage. do the math CPA.

By relationship do you mean taking the child to the doctors? Pick up from school when sick? Scrubbing beds and sheets full of vomit, while putting the child in the tub when flu hits? Dropping off/Picking up prescriptions and measuring it out 3 times a day til gone? Scrubbing muddy sneakers, shopping for clothing, trimming nails or pulling out splinters? Making and keeping dental appointments?

Or are you talking about the weekend hero (‘disneyland parent’ as the courts call them). Because its always Park, Pizza and ice cream.

Wow. That sounds really hard.

I have spoken to hundreds of single parents (in the org I work for) and their children; you are wrong. they are both equally important. It is clear the honor system doesn’t work, so they had to make it law (state and federal).

--Less money means living on the streets, in a car or seedy neighborhood.
--It means no money for new clothes (even thrift shop clothes) or shoes.
--It means little to no food in the house.
--It means no gas money or vehicle to take the child where they need to go or even for them to go to a friends house for a sleepover.
--It means electric/lights being shut off, phone shut off several times a year.
--It means being teased, bullied and not afforded the chances a child w/money has.
--It means no school year book, school pictures or field trips.
--It means no school activities, sports or clubs.
--It means no santa, toothfairy or easter bunny.
--and sooo much more...

It effects everything, across the board.

Both equally important and in the best interest of the child. Unfortunately, it does work out that way; in many cases, the ex ditches the ‘old’ family and starts a new one. it doesn’t take much effort to climb into a vehicle and show up on the weekends for what they claim they love.

Bet they would if they were paid to do it....

if your not getting child support, make sure its reported on their credit report, tax refund intercepts, lein on all property they own, etc. write the federal CS office and have some heat put on the case. post his/her face on a deadbeat online site.

i wish you luck in this matter. its hard on both ends, so you just have to do what is best for the child(ren).