Why do we live to please others and never be content with who we really are?

Answer 1

People who find that they are not content with his/her self is because they are living up to other people's expectations and what they want them to be. Some people do this because they are lead with the misconception that they are what other people want them to be. They build their lives based on other people's beliefs and not there own.

Answer 2

Really a Great question..... took time to really understand this deep phenomenon!!

'Living to please others' and 'discontent with what we are' seem to be like a vicious cycle.... one feeds the other and both keep becoming stronger and stronger.

The common reason for both of them is our low self-confidence coupled with high self-esteem. If we had low confidence and low esteem, we would not be discontent with what we are and we would also not strive to live according to other people's views and values.

The way to break the vicious cycle is to improve our self-confidence. The first step towards this is rather easy to say but perhaps not so easy to do...... we need to decide and dare to do something we want to do, which we believe is against what people expect or say or value. It has to be a deliberate action and we should be prepared for a backlash from people because they are not used to such action from us in the past.... they have been led to believe that we are the ideal conformist. Once this non-conformist action is taken and seen through... it will do a world of good to our confidence and the cycle will now reverse.... our new found confidence will feed the self-esteem and in turn the self-esteem will demand more confidence. The combination of strong self-esteem and self-confidence will make us fairly independent of bending to people wishes and views.. and in turn we would find our real identity which would be our own and we would love it.

By the way.... my analysis as above is deliberately toned like extreme truths... yes the reality is always a mixed one... no one can be totally oblivious of the views of people around.. after all we are social beings.... but analysis in extreme makes for better understanding. Having understood the basic forces at work, we need to apply in practice with some moderation.

Answer 3

Society has cultivated a generation of people who are conditioned to think this way. There is nothing wrong with putting others before yourself, in fact true humility dictates that we do this. It should be an act of love for our fellow man rather than trying to get someone to approve of us or like us. It is a Christian principle - By these things they shall know we are saved. God showed us His ultimate love and forgiveness and mercy... for us to show any less for our fellow man is unacceptable. To be content with one's self is only answerable by each person, by taking the time to find out who they really are in the first place. If there is something dispicable enough to make a question of whether we should try to help others, change it. But bottom line is, I am only answerable to God, not man... and I know that man will let me down, not God. It makes life a whole lot simpler :)

Answer 4

I'm afraid there can be no real answer to your question. Theories however can be made. I believe that humans, no matter what race or sex, feel a constant need to be in charge and be better than everyone else. Whereby poeple always remain inferior giving them the thought that they are never good enough, or have big enough boobs or biceps. So they change in order for others to view them as good. But the one who changed still knows that there is someone better and that someone will never be them. This makes that person hate themselves and feel jealousy towards other people.

Answer 5

The Judgment is negative, the Will is positive. Who we 'really' are, consciousness becoming every moment different.

'§ 105

The standpoint of morality is the standpoint of the will which is infinite not merely in itself but for itself (see § 104). In contrast with the will's implicit being, with its immediacy and the determinate characteristics developed within it at that level, this reflection of the will into itself and its explicit awareness of its identity makes the person into the subject.

§ 106

It is as subjectivity that the concept has now been determined, and since subjectivity is distinct from the concept as such, i.e. from the implicit principle of the will, and since furthermore it is at the same time the will of the subject as a single individual aware of himself (i.e. still has immediacy in him), it constitutes the determinate existence of the concept. In this way a higher ground has been assigned to freedom; the Idea's existential aspect, or its moment of reality, is now the subjectivity of the will. Only in the Will as subjective can freedom or the implicit principle of the will be actual.'

http://www.marxists.org/reference/archive/hegel/works/pr/prmorali.htm#PR115

Answer 6

Not all people live that way. I personally grew out of it or maybe my views changed when I became a Christian. I don't really know when but now, I try to please people to show how much I care about them. Even if they are not close to me and tend to be negative or mean, I'll find myself trying even harder to please them. Somehow, it brings out the best in them. You know, It is really hard to be mean to someone who is being nice to you. And It all comes back to you full circle. I feel good about me and I always stand as I am. I would never change or pretend to change for someone else....

Answer 7

Because the other people are like mirrors. They reflect what you are as a person. For example, if somebody treats you like a queen, that means you demand some kind of respect or that you have a very high standard for youself. What other people think matters, because (unfortunatly:P) we're surrounded by them and we need to coexist, so we have to ,,blend in''.
Of course you can be content with who you are AND please others and you can try as much as you can NOT to please others, but you're still really trying to please somebody. That can even be yourself :P.
We don't have to please others, we have to be content with ourselves, but that usually means that you're going to be the ,,hippie-like person that's wierd'' and that people don't understand.

Answer 8

Cause that is the way society has told us the proper way to live.
To live up to what someone expectations of you instead of who you really are and want to be.
The result is a lot of people doing what they don't want to do and giving on half and what they actually could.

Answer 9

there's two questions in that sentence and they're not related..a lot of people are contented when they help others ...it makes them feel happy inside.. if that's not you..then I can see why you don't know who you are..now go grasshopper and find yourself..

Answer 10

I don't. But many people do. If you put yourself last, how can you ever be happy? If you treat yourself like a doormat, you teach people to walk all over you.

Stand up for yourself. Put yourself first, then share your love with others. It isn't selfish, it's survival.