My husband and I have been married for under a year. Before we ever got serious I told him my tubes were tied and he said that was fine because he would love my four children as his own, now we both want to have a child, but the cost of the reversal is high and I have cervical cancer also. He stays mad a lot over this issue and it hurts me to see him this way. We discussed adoption and I was very excited about that option, but a few days later he told me it just wouldn't be the same. I love him with all I am, but I feel this is going to tear us apart and I am starting to wonder if we should just divorce, so he can meet someone else to have his child. He's 22 and I am 30, I don't want either of us wasting our lives if this is just going to split us up. I have already dealt with him having an affair, so naturally I have a fear of us having a child and him running around on me, or if we don't have one him straying to have one with someone else ..... advice PLEASE :(
2006-12-30 13:11:47 · 6 answers · asked by Pretty Girl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
This sounds like my story. I am a little older than you. I was 34 when I met my current husband he was 38. I had four kids from a previous a marriage. I also had my tubes tied then divorced. I informed him right away that I could not have kids because of the tubal. At his age he figured that he was never going to have a child of his own. I felt bad and like you I felt that he deserved a child of his own. We also had disscused adoption but he felt as if he had already done that with my kids and the whole idea of another child would be for him to have a biological one. I did a lot of research and decided to have a reversal (because we were hoping to have more than one if it worked). It cost about $5000.00 all seemed to have gone well but after 8 months of trying and nothing we went to see a specialist and found out that my tubes had blocked with scar tissue from the beginning. It was kind of upsetting because it was not covered by insurance and it was not a fun surgery. Shortly after we were able to do IVF. Our insurance did cover some of the cost but we still had to pay about $6000.00 out of pocket. After two attempts we managed to conceive a son. He is now 2 1/2. It was a very stressful time emotionally, physically, and financially. Reversals do work for for a lot of women. Alot depends on the type of ligation you had, how much tube was removed and how long ago it was done. You are younger than I was so your odds are better. I wish that I had just gone straight to IVF. If you had no problem getting pregnant before it will most likely work. The only concern that I have for you is the fact that your husband is so much younger than you and has had a affair. This would be alot for you to go through. I would really think about it hard. If you feel that it may be the only thing that will save your marriage I think that you may be doing it for the wrong reason. My husband was willing to accept me the way that I was and he never dwelled on it. Sorry this was so long and if you would prefer you can e-mail me @ girard_trish@yahoo.com. I totally understand. I have been there.
2006-12-30 15:56:50 · answer #1 · answered by wesleyann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off make sure the cervical cancer is taken care of. If its not that makes the rest of the problem a moot point. Has he supported you during your time of need? To be honest he sounds rather selfish about the whole deal, at 22 that's not all that surprising. You mention his having an affair,(again he sounds selfish and immature) before you go to great links to have this surgery done make sure your marriage is on the right track. By reading your last sentence I think you already know in your heart what the answer is. Otherwise, if your cancer is under control and the both of you would like to have a biological child then go for it. Just know in advance that there are no guarantees that it will be successful. There is and will be scar tissue on your tubes that may make getting pregnant a challenge. Good luck on whatever you decide.
2006-12-30 13:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by GPHS 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing. Im not sure what you should do really but maybe you need a shoulder to lean on. if hes strayed once chances are hell do it again. However some men tend to love you more when their baby is growing inside you. He is 22 though i can understand that he would want a child of his own. Maybe you should consider the reversal surgery. Your cancer though may cause a problem see your doctor for the best answer.
2006-12-30 13:18:26 · answer #3 · answered by Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow-you were strong to keep him around after an affair.My hubby would have been long gone if he would ever cheat on me.I honestly would not have a baby with this man if I were you-plus like you said the cost for reversal is high and painful too.
I think that you 2 need to have a serious talk about your life together and if it would totally upset him to never have a biological child.Don't just divorce-but if he cheats on you again-please leave him immediately!
2006-12-30 13:34:54 · answer #4 · answered by mama of 2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I easily ought to untie them, I easily have a extreme instep and if i do not untie them after I take them off i can ought to after I placed them on. I easily have a pal that takes tied up shoes on and stale like loafers, If i might want to i might want to too yet i can't so I desire loafers.
2016-12-01 08:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg u pour thing we r all here 4 u darl!! oxox, wat a sticky situation, u soound very nice nd easy to talk too i c both veiws butt umm with u all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! look if i was in ur possition i would hav a brake from each otha then com back nd chat so u both c y ur together nd love 1 anotha
2006-12-30 13:35:48 · answer #6 · answered by plzbaby 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋