My friend has been with her boyfriend for about 8 months, during the time which he has asked her to marry him about 3 times. On every occasion she turned him down because she felt she wasn't ready, plus she has a 4 year old boy that he doesn't get on well with.
Recently they have been getting a lot closer and she feels like she may get married to him one day in the future, however her boyfriend has asked her to marry him again, she doesn't know what to do, if she says no, he might leave her. If she says yes, considering he doesn't get on well with her son, how will they get on they get along in their matrimonial home together?
I know they say that with time things do get better but, he wants to get married sometime next year and yet he still doesn't get on well with her son. What does she do? she loves both her son and boyfriend and wants to do best by both.
2006-12-30 12:59:13 · 17 answers · asked by marlyn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My first question is why he doesn't get along with her son? Second question, what is the the rush on this man's part to marry her? Third question is he already living with her and her son?
I am just very wary of men like this with single mothers and child/ren who do not like them. Bells ring that all is not right for the son.
A further question I am asking, is the boyfriend possessive of her and cannot stand the attention she gives her son? Or, does he try to win the son over with presents etc.?
Given she has reservations by not accepting his proposals I would say her instincts are kicking in and this man is not right for her family.
No things do not get better in situations like this they get worse. The son will become resentfull of the step-father, the step-father will demand respect, obedience etc. And there she is caught in the middle. Not a happy place to be for her or anyone else.
If it was my daughter I would ask her to step back and remember that her son is her first responsibility as he has to grow and develop into being the best he can with her help in a loving home. Four year olds are pretty astute judge of characters and this man, I don't know if I would want him to be in my family.
2006-12-30 13:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend shouldn't marry him yet, maybe not at all. Her first obligation is to her son. If her boyfriend doesn't get on with him, she shouldn't throw them together on a daily basis. The child deserves better than a stepfather that doesn't like him. I would be suspect of anyone, man or woman, that had made a marriage proposal 3 or more times in just 8 months. That smacks of desperation. There isn't enough time in just 8 months to know someone well enough to marry them. If she refuses his proposal and he leaves her, I think she's probably had a very narrow escape from a life of pain and misery.
2006-12-30 13:09:00 · answer #2 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
her son comes first and foremost before any man!!!! With that said, If he truly loves her...he will wait a while longer until she is ready and the boy is more acceptable. They have only been together for 8 months...Hell, i have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years..there is no rush to it until that little boy feels 100 percent good about this man. Put the son in counseling and see why he does not like the boyfriend. There has to be something going on in that little mind of his. Good luck!!!
2006-12-30 13:11:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she shouldnt marry him if he cannot even try to get along with her son. This guy may end up being a step dad to this little boy and the little boy is going to be learning from him......I hate to think what this guy will teach this boy if he doesnt like him!!
She comes as a package, its her and her son, and she should put her son first and foremost. Its not only her and her b/f's future, its her sons future too.
If she is worried about him leaving her if she says no to marriage again, then he isnt worth being with in the first place. It also seems to me that he is putting a hell of alot of pressure on her to get married. I wonder why?
2006-12-30 13:21:46 · answer #4 · answered by sel2k00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he can't get along with a four year old, then he might not be the man she should marry. i mean maybe with some time and counselling they could make this thing work. for her to have reservations in addition to his not getting on with her son, it seems doomed from the start.
she should not feel as though or be put into a situation where she has to choose between her bf and her child. i'm sure she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life in a catch 22 trying to please both parties. besides it should send up red flags that this guy is trying to rush her to the alter. something doesn't seem to kosher about that.
2006-12-30 13:50:31 · answer #5 · answered by tidricka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it should depend on why her son and b/f don't get along. If it's a "normal" resistance on her son's part to accept a new (not dad) guy, she should go ahead and say yes. Time is the only thing that will improve her son's relationship with her b/f. Also, her son may be taking his cue from her when it comes to his relationship with the b/f. He may be taking his mom's reluctance to get married as permission to not accept the b/f, or as warning to not get too close to someone who may only be temporary in his life.
2006-12-30 13:06:14 · answer #6 · answered by Mary L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he truly loves her, he will wait til she's ready. Eight months is a very short time to know someone. She should also know his family, his background and his financial history/credit rating and medical reports if she marries him. Marriage is very serious and she has a son to think about. What's this guy's rush anyway? Red flags go up when the pressure is on.
2006-12-30 13:06:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She and her son are a package deal. If the BF cannot get along with her son then she needs to show him the door. A grown man who cannot learn to love the woman that he loves child is not worth having. Good luck!
2006-12-30 13:02:38 · answer #8 · answered by ladylaw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should NEVER marry someone who doesn't like your son, especially a 4 year old!! I would dump him cos of that. She should put her child first. I'm not trying to sound all judgemental, she has a life besides being a mother, but him not liking a 4 year old doesn't bode well with me! Asking to marry after a few months is a bit loopy tooo, I don't think he has all of his sandwiches in his picnic basket.
2006-12-30 13:09:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 months is nothing when u are a mother she has done the right thing by saying no all along....even more so as he doesnt get on well with the son....she needs to wait and see what happens between them both before she makes a decision....at leat another yr! and if the fella is worth his weight in gold he'll wait for her and make things right by her son.
2006-12-30 15:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by Jp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋