my ex and I are living about four to five hours apart. we recently split up and she moved to her mother's house with our two sons. One is six years old and the other is four. She left me for one of my so called friends and my children like him and I'm glad for that. I feel it's better that she's with someone who treats my kids good and not some real a--hole. anyway, i was wondering if my kids will still love me as much as they do, now. I don't get to see them as much. I see them two weekends a month and on holidays. i call them on my off weekends but, sometimes they don't want to talk because they are playing and wrapped up with what they are doing. I know it's because they are young but, it bothers me sometimes. I love them very much and try to make our time special when we are together but, I'm nervous about them hating me one day because I'm not with them daily. Also, I worry about them liking this other guy better than me. anyone out there got some advice? thanks everyone!
2006-12-30 12:42:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
coming from a child of divorced parents, you will always be dad no matter who else comes into the picture. keep loving them as much as you can and don't let the feelings between you and the ex color your time with the kids.
2006-12-30 13:09:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been through it and its hard to deal with.You will have to make a special effort to make contact somehow.Send cards often or take allot of pictures of yourself doing things that interest you so they can see what Dad is all about.Make sure you remember the special occasions like birthdays,Christmas.Check in every so often and ask about school.Its important that you be concerned about this.It may be hard to do but it would be great to just show up for something at school or a ball game after school once in awhile.They will still care for you but its your responsibility to make sure they know you are there for them.As they get older you may find that they want to be with you more than ever.
2006-12-30 14:14:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very difficult situation. I dont think your kids will hate you. Unfortuately, they will not have as close a relationship as you once had because they dont see you as much. I would just try to make the most of the time you have. Make it the best darn time it can be. That dont mean you have to spend alot of money, just a lot of quality time. I would call as often as you can, even if they dont want to talk and I would also send them little notes inbetween times to let them know you are thinking of them. When you are together make sure you always tell them how much you love them and that you and their mom are not together but that does not mean that you dont love them. Let them know you will spend as much time as you can and dont be jealous or show anomosity towards the other guy. The kids will always love you, but they will love him also. But, not in the same way. Just as you have room in your heart to love more than one child, they also have room to love both of you. I wish you luck.
2006-12-30 13:02:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're doing the right thing and staying in contact with them and still bringing them to your house on the weekends that are yours. Mostly I like the fact that you're okay with the new 'male' of your ex-wives choosing. You're thinking only of the kids and I admire you for acknowledging that he is good to your kids. It's important that he treats them well - but it will ALWAYS be important that you are their father. Nobody but you can full fill them shoes. Divorces happen everyday. At least you and your ex wife seem more grown up and mature then most.
2006-12-30 12:57:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You had two kids with this woman, which means at least you knew her for eight years...Who was causing problem...be honest you or her...Who is smoker, drinker, or gambler, you or EX?
KIDS, usually, would become VERY BAD when they don't grew up with 'love and kiss' in a warm 'family' home.
SO, before it become too late think how you can create a 'warm loving home' asking your EX to return.
IN ANY EVENT, never ever complain against your EX before your kids, never ever say bad about your EX as kids would become mentally ill and would cause you serious problem when you are OLD and has no power to defend yourself.
You are in a big trouble...You don't have any good to choose...when you decide to have kids...then you should make sure to live with your wife. NOW, if you are able to HOLD your D*** and have no sex...it is better you keep the kids...because it is VERY painful for BOYS to see someone else having sex with their mother...they may not object or even show a happy face ..but one day they would force you to answer many questions...
2006-12-30 13:02:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You will always be there Dad. other men may come into your ex wife life. But you will always be there Dad. Just let them know all the time how much you love them and that you'll always be there for them. they might not get that now as there young. but when there older and have questions on girls cars etc... you bet they will. and you want to let them know they have an open door in calling you when ever they need to and that your available to them if not in person by phone etc... Just keep loving them and calling them and make it a point your in there lives. As they age they will know Dads been around all there lives.. and don't get hurt as they grow they will be again to busy to always talk out on dates hanging out with friends etc... just warning you now as I noticed you mentioned there busy now with toys and such.
2006-12-30 14:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry you are still in touch with them,and i know it hurts like hell for them being with someone else the see as there daily male figure.but just think of some other dad who lost all contact to there children and don't even get to see them over the holidays.Get a court agreement that will give you all the access to your children. good Luck .And Happy New Year!
2006-12-30 13:26:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a great Dad, so therefore , your boys will love you and remain close to you.....if not close in proximity, close in love for you. Do all you can to be there for them, and always do what you tell them you're going to do....they will see! As far as Mom goes, and her guy.....a NEW broom sweeps good! Before long she'll see that he is not all he is cracked up to be, and a very good chance she'll come back.....if you'll have her, that is. Just love the boys, every second of every minute! It'll pay big dividends!
2006-12-30 12:52:04 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know what your feeling. I only live minutes away from my children, and I feel as you do. I don't think your kids will ever feel for another "father figure" as they do for you. I do understand that being replaced thing is something only time will be able to convince you that they love you as DAD. I tell myself this every few second, but I can't help it bothering me. Your heart is in the right place, and I am betting that theirs is too.
2006-12-30 22:25:24 · answer #9 · answered by ckgene 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your kids are too young to deliberately not want to get on the phone--they still love you. And they are comfortable and not needy with them not running to the phone. The separation will become normal to them. You are their father and they will always be connected to you. You have something the other guy can never have--your blood running through their veins.
ps. It was refreshing seeing someone handle this with such grace. Kudos to you! You are doing just fine.
2006-12-30 12:51:40 · answer #10 · answered by donewiththismess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋