I am a very happy Mama of four amazing kiddos. I'm 30 and my husband is 22, my children are from previous marriage. My husband and I have no children together. I told him before we ever got serious that I have my tubes tied, he told me time and time again it was not a problem. Now almost nine months into the marriage, he wants us to have a child together. We don't have the money for a reversal and my health isn't all that great either. Should we save for the reversal and have it done or get a divorce and go our seperate ways ????????
2006-12-30 12:38:12 · 26 answers · asked by Pretty Girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At first he said we could look into adoption, now he says it just wouldn't be the same. As I said also, my health is not that well, I have cervical cancer. He wants a baby so bad. I feel ist's going to tear us apart eventually, so why not let him go now, so he can find someone to fall in love with and have him a baby ? I'm really hurt and so sad. I have put up with him having an affair already in this marriage and now have to deal with this :(
2006-12-30 12:52:32 · update #1
We both want to have a baby, but my health and the cost of surgery is a major issue.
2006-12-30 13:02:08 · update #2
22 is very young for many men to think about never being a father so he was kinda innocent when he said he was fine with you already having your tubes tied...he has gotten older and realises his desire for a child.If you could die from pregnancy than i would say no way but if you want a baby also and your body would be fine than find a way to get the surgery...its not just him that has changed their mind.
2007-01-01 06:08:38 · answer #1 · answered by alecnaaron 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you two have some issues you really need to work out. He is probably too young for you to begin with. When I was his age, I remember I told a guy I didn't want kids just because I thought that's what he wanted to hear, but now it's a different story. I love kids and I want one of my own one day. If you really love eachother, then you guys will try to work out what will be best. Concerning your health, you should probably not have kids. And your husband should be more concerned about your health than having a baby. You should know from having children of your own, that children are the most precious gift you can get. Don't bring a child into this world if you don't want it. That is pure selfishness. Also, it sounds like you already want a divorce from him or else you would not have mentioned it.
2006-12-30 12:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by Meuy V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you think you should do because it is your life. As far as divorcing him is concerned, don't you think this would be a drastic step to take? Why divorce him over not giving him a child? If you both want a child and you want him or her bad enough then save up the money and have your tubes untied. I would first find out what the chances are of having a child after the reversal operation is done and how long that would takie to get pregnant if it is possible at all.
2006-12-30 12:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get a divorce and go your separate ways, if he is not willing to abide by the agreement that was reached before you got married. It's not like he didn't know beforehand that your tubes were tied. In my opinion, even if you saved the money, had the child, he still would want MORE. Cut your losses and get out now. You'll never win with this guy.
2006-12-30 12:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you made it clear upfront that you had your tubes tied then I don't know what else he wants. If you think having a reversal done would make things better? There is a good chance having a reversal at 30 could be a large waste of money. Talk to your doctor to find out if it would even be worth while.
2006-12-30 12:42:48 · answer #5 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is too immature and selfish to be a father. You are only 30, and have a few safe child bearing years left. If he really loved you, he would consider your children to be his, and be more concerned about your well-being. My fiance was raised by his step-father and considers him more of a father than his biological one. And if you already have 5 kids, and don't have enough money for a reversal, you certainly don't have enough money for another child. I would tell him exactly how you feel about the situation, and tell him to give your marriage and financial situation a little more time before you make such a huge decision. Good luck!
2006-12-30 12:53:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He said that it would not be a problem and now it is? Try a counselor first for a few sessions. His job or if you have a job, they might pay for a few marriage counseling sessions. If it doesn't work out, then he should have married a 22 year old instead of a 30 year old with four kids.
2006-12-30 12:46:01 · answer #7 · answered by Michael C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think your husband was honest with you. he probably figured he could change your mind once you got married. if that is the case, that was not fair to you. IF he was sincere when he said it wasn't a problem, and he's changed his mind, that is not fair to you either. you two need to sit down and talk and be completely honest with each other about your feelings about this. if this is something he is not going to be able to let go, then maybe you should get out early so that you both can get what you need out of life.
by the way, you say you have cervical cancer and he's hounding you about having a baby. don't you think he should be more concerned with getting you healthy? in my opinion, if he cared about you at all, that would be his first priority right now.
good luck to you.
2006-12-30 13:35:17 · answer #8 · answered by fungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard of adoption? That child is yours together because you BOTH choose the sex and age of the child. That way the child is YOURS. . . and believe me it IS yours. That cost is better borne than a reversal. There are SO many children that need you both. That option is much better emotionally as well. Divorce is NOT nice.
2006-12-30 13:07:45 · answer #9 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're debating divorce over something like this, then you're marriage must be on some rocky ground. Bringing a child into that relationship wouldn't be fair for the child. If he feels strongly about having his own child, then maybe you could consider surrogacy. If this still wouldn't suffice him, and he still refuses to accept that there are too many things standing in your way of giving him a baby yourself, then maybe it would be a good idea to go your separate ways. His love for you should win out over having a child of his own. If he feels this strongly about having a baby, then he needs to find somebody who can give him one.
2006-12-30 12:51:07 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋