It's called My Last Burger.
2006-12-30 11:51:31 · 12 answers · asked by Mattvayne 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
I open my eyes and I look at the floor
Down three flights of steps and I'm straight out the door
I walk a few blocks 'till I get to a store
I just ate three burgers and I want some more.
I order my meal and sit down at my seat
and my mouth starts to water as I unwrap my treat
My hands are shaking as hard as my feet
As I look at my burger and think "Boy, this is neat!"
I lower my jaw and I sink my teeth in
If this was a game then I would surely win
But what do I care if gluttony's a sin?
Now I'll shut up and let my story begin
I'm chewing my burger when I feel something weird
My jawline is itchy and it isn't my beard
I think with a jolt "Do I have what I feared?"
As I jump out of my chair, and the restaurant leered.
I fall to the floor and I start to convulse
I reach for my wrist but I can't feel my pulse
Could this be the last burger I will ever have eaten?
Alas, I am dead. Yes, I have been beaten.
2006-12-30 11:51:45 · update #1
I wrote this in 5 minutes just now...I thought it might be better to have something different than all those emo poems I always see posted here...
2006-12-30 11:52:40 · update #2
Here's a second one:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvU8Z3y0WlG4nuLJ15blsl3sy6IX?qid=20061230171500AAM1NST
2006-12-30 12:17:32 · update #3
This I liked a lot better than your second one. Real originality. Good rhyme. And it actually grabs your attention.
I do have one tiny suggestion. In stanze three, line two. Instead of saying "I would surely win", I think it would flow better with "I surely would win". It's just a suggestion, and this is your poem, so it's up to you, but I think in poetry it helps to keep the two W's together. Just read it like that and see what you think, it's all up to you poet.
That was really good. I hope you come up with more like it. Good luck to you. 8 out of 10 stars, impressive.
2006-12-30 12:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by Laura 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a good poem,sounds along the lines of clogged arteries. Nice job.
2006-12-30 20:09:30 · answer #2 · answered by jo jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL um do you have one for smoking and getting aids for sex outside of marriage and risky sexual activity and how bout one for base jumping and other risky behaviours? Make a series.
2006-12-30 19:54:33 · answer #3 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was the coolest poem i ever seen how did you get that idea to write something like this? that should be put into a book oh and you should put more on here!
2006-12-30 19:58:32 · answer #4 · answered by lil mrs.indy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good effort and it rhymes. You get a thumbs up from me.
2006-12-30 19:59:30 · answer #5 · answered by glitterkittyy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's, um, . . . interesting. Are you referring to all the food poisonings, etc. that keep happening? Actually, it's quite good. . .it has rhythm and it ryhmes well.
2006-12-30 19:54:46 · answer #6 · answered by Carl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't appeal to me, but the rap crowd may like it. They seem to like anything.
2006-12-30 19:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
top poem bard
2006-12-30 19:52:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
food poisoning?
2006-12-30 19:54:19 · answer #9 · answered by mickey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont like it
but if you had better word it would be better
2006-12-30 19:53:11 · answer #10 · answered by jakellama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋