My husband wants to try to get custody of his 10 year old son. He thinks/feels he can do a better job raising him than the mother. I politley told him I wanted to be included in this process and decision to have him live with us being that I will be the sole caregiver since he works at night and likes to hang out with his buds at the drop of a hat. I don't mind his son living with us especially if it will be better for him. I just want my husband to have more courtesy to include me in on such a big step. It's not going to be easy. Also, we have a new baby and I take on most of the load already. I just know taking in his son will be also taking in more phone calls and speculation from the mother and workingaround my schedule more etc. Am I wrong for asking to be included on this decision?
2006-12-30 11:27:41 · 26 answers · asked by Skypride 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my stepson is in no danger, his mother takes really good care of him. my husband just feels he'll make better grades with us and for disciplinarian reasons, he feels the mother isn't hard enough on him.
2006-12-30 11:29:03 · update #1
If he makes a decision of that magnitude without your blessing, and approval, that would be grounds for divorce. If he doesn't value you any more than that, as his wife, you would be better off without him....then let him raise his son all by himself. Shame on him for even considering this, without talking to you about it.
2006-12-30 11:35:45 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think you are wrong. However, you will need to be very supportive in regards to your step-son. Explain to your husband that he will have to play an active role in raising him and that the going out with his buds all the time will have to be restricting because it will be a crucial time for the child especially since he will be taking him away from his mother. Also, don't deal with the ex-wife that is not your responsibility. Have your husband take care of every detail and arrangement. That is not your place and will just cause resentment.
2006-12-30 11:41:17 · answer #2 · answered by luckygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to leave things alone. He won't get custody because there is no real problems. He will create hard feelings and waste money to even try. Taking away a women's child is one of the cruelest things you could ever do. (imagine losing your own baby).
My ex says that same things, he doesn't feel I am hard enough on our son, etc. There are other ways to deal with this. Your husband can get increased visits, work with the school (especially if he works nights) and spend some homework time with his son. He should work with the mother instead of against her.
2006-12-30 11:33:21 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you got married to your husband you 2 became 1. This also includes all important decisions, what garbage bags to buy at the supermarket I think either of you can handle on your own. Bringing in his son your step son is a large life altering decision for all of you. This should be treated the same way as if you both were going to have your own child. You and he should be on the same page, and should listen to each other, and yes you should be in on this decision.
2006-12-30 11:38:05 · answer #4 · answered by JordanDDunn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a big step and unfortunately I have had my fiance drop three children in the bucket in the same type of situation (their mother gave up on help raising them). Good luck, I am holding off on the wedding date now for this reason the children have added stress in more ways than one but if you only have one to worry about I take my hat off to you. I must tell you though, you should have some same in the decision and be clear on what you will and will not do or tolerate!!!!!!!! Good luck, be glad you're not in my situation!
2006-12-30 11:34:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are certainly not wrong in asking that you be involved in this decision. If your stepson lives in your house, then you will be supporting him with a roof over his head, feeding him, etc. I'm sure that you love him and by asking your husband to talk about it with you surely indicates that you want your husband to know that you care about his son and want to make sure this is the right decision.
2006-12-30 11:32:12 · answer #6 · answered by VR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the son is in no danger why would he wish to seek custody? could cost alot of money in a court battle also, plus the mom is not going to agree to give her son up and will feel resentful if u do happen to gain custody. courts usually don't remove a child unless they are in dire danger of harm. think he is taing adbantage of u, and it would really cause alot of resentment if he failed to include u, as he works, and likes to go out too. think it is just plain wrong of him. your new baby takes alot of time also, just wouldn't really work to bring a ten year old into your life, who has always lived with his mom. your opening your life up for alot of troubles if u do this, or allow him to do this. when u married him this situation wasn't out on the table was it? don't do it, it will cause u great stress and trouble, just keep your life as it is, your taking on too much responsibility.
2006-12-30 11:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course not, he should include you. Your marriage is a unity between the two of you. And if you would have to care for this child then you need to be able to give your input and help in the decision making.
2006-12-30 11:35:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you need to be included in the decision, and if you get custody, your husband better quit hanging out with his Buddy's and help you at home.
2006-12-30 11:32:04 · answer #9 · answered by Joe Prosnick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be included in the decision and it would be very selfish of your husband to not ask your opinion since you will be the primary caregiver.
2006-12-30 11:31:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋