When my husband & I were living together his ex-gfriend would call drunk at 2 or 3 in the morning crying over some drama in her life. I put up with it, though I didn't appreciate it. After we married she just kind of went away & for 8 years he heard about her but not from her. About 2 years ago she called & asked him to help her with something & ever since then she calls him at the very least 2x a month with some favor she needs or to talk about some drama in her life. I tried to be nice & pleasant to her but she is a a liar, a thief & blames everyone but herself for problems in her life. The man she was living with asked her daughter about some things and she gave him honest answers that caused their split so she called social services & told them her daughter was doing drugs--a lie. These r just a few things she's done. I asked him to break all ties with her but he says they're friends & he shouldn't have to & Im wrong to ask him to. Please give me some thoughts on this.
2006-12-30 11:19:15 · 37 answers · asked by blustang04 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I'm just 15 years old, I'm not a husband of anyone so I really don't have any experiences on marriage. But here's what I can see...
Although women are right on a couple of ways,
there are some things that we men are not capable of handling. We like doing things our way. We hate being dictated by other people. Especially with the opposite sex. Tons of guys kill their wives everyday because of misunderstandings. But I'm pretty sure your husband is not one of them. It's his job to know that whoever his ex girlfriend is, he needs to start forgetting about her and start handling his responsibility towards you. But it's also your job to understand that we men cannot handle women who always tries to get in their way. So you two need to cooperate and work together with your problem. Talk to him in an appropriate time. I'm not sure if it'll be easy But I think it'll best to try it...
2006-12-30 11:35:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not being unreasonable in your request. An ex girlfriend is an ex girlfriend - though some relationships can deal with the ex being around most cannot.
My husband and I have always said, that if something truly bothers us and hurts us emotionally then we would make sure we would change/stop the behavior.
Have you explained that this hurts you - him being with her 2/month? Have you asked him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Honestly, and I truly hate to say this to someone I don't know, it sounds like he's doing something he knows he not supposed to.
It's just the right thing to do - respect your wishes and drop this woman. He needs to understand this.
2006-12-30 12:11:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband feels OK with this, at the expense of his marriage-I think there is a big problem here. If he can't understand that you do not feel OK about this, then he's not thinking right. So, what if it were reversed? If it were an ex of yours? Would that be OK? Maybe he needs to look at this mess from a different view? Doesn't he have enough things going on in his own marriage and family to take care of to keep him busy, so he doesn't need to bring outside problems in? It doesn't really matter what we all say, it only matters how you truly feel. Follow your gut feeling, it will guide you to do the right action. Good luck!!!
2006-12-30 11:43:16 · answer #3 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, obviously, she has been on this dysfunctional road for a long time and fortunately, your husband didn't get sucked into it and allow it to become a snag in your marriage.
As long as all she is getting is verbal support from your husband, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Still, I don't think it is something you can just ignore and hope will go away.
He certainly can see how distressed you are with this whole thing and he has got to realize that there comes a time when an old "friend" like this loser is putting your marriage at risk with her dysfunctional psychosis.
2006-12-30 11:34:40 · answer #4 · answered by Gnome 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, I agree with you. It seems that she's a problem child, and he needs to cut the ties with her. I'm sure there will always be some type of drama with her.....and she'll wail and cry, and eventually start asking for money. Maybe you need to have a heart to heart talk with your hubby, then consider changing some phone numbers. Tell your hubby although he is "her friend", you have a problem with that. I'm sure there is nothing good that will come out of the "friendly relationship" he has with her. She needs to find someone else........I don't think you're wrong at all. Best of luck to you.
2006-12-30 11:25:38 · answer #5 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This woman should not be a part of your life in any shape or form. You are not being unreasonable. Your marriage is number one priority, not some person from the past. I hope your husband will be able to correctly regard this woman as a threat to your happiness and cut her out of the picture.
2006-12-31 03:14:40 · answer #6 · answered by lifeisagift 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you've been patient enough. It sounds like the ex-gf's problems are disrupting your life together. Most people would feel somewhat threatened by continual conversations between their spouse and the ex-bf/gf, which I think is justified. Your husband and that girl had their chance, now you and your husband have to have yours. Does he still have feelings for her beyond friends? That's okay, and only human. However, you two belong to each other, legally, financially, and many other aspects. I say, forget the past, and move on together.
2006-12-30 11:25:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well since all affairs start out by two people sharing emotional problems in their lives and his ex and she are sharing her drama, that is a cause for alarm and he needs to brake all ties, with her even if he is not cheating on you with her. She needs to find her security blanket else where ASAP. She needs to be calling her parents or her girlfriends and not your husband because he is taken.
2006-12-30 11:36:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound like a very understanding person.
This would have been a big red flag while I dated this man. I would have seriously questioned his judgement.
He still continues to have a relationship with her, perhaps not physical, but emotional.
It's odviously causing problems with your relationship. Understandable. It would with everyone.
Sounds like his support is just enabling her to continue the same destructive behavior. His help is actually hurting her. He is her crutch. It's a sick, disfunctional, emotional relationship.
Is your husband a trained psychiatrist? If not, he has no idea how to help her. Tell him to go to school to learn how to help these basket cases and actually get paid for it. Right now it's costing him his marriage.
2006-12-30 11:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are a very understanding woman. I would not put up with it for one minute. i would be questioning why he wants an ex like her around. It isn't because she is a good mother or good person for that matter. She doesn't respect your relationship or anything else for that matter. How dare she call at that time because she is having problems.
Best of luck
2006-12-30 11:36:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋