We have been togehter for 10 months and in October I found out he has 5 kids, 13, two 12, 11, and 4. I am trying to be understanding but I dont have any kids so its hard. I am not use to all those kids and he wants to be a good dad and I want that for him. I am just so confused about my feelings. And I feel like a bad person but I was mislead and I kinda resent him for that I guess. So finding out about the 5 in October and now its Christmas time and I meet 3 of the 5 So its got me freaked out and at times sick. But I am in love with him, I know the logical answer is if I love him accept it but HOW? How do I get comfortable about it? I can't talk to him cuz I might say the wrong thing. He wants them to spend the weekend and we are broke our rent isnt even paid we cant even feed ourselves. And they live an hour away and our car is on the fritz and he doesnt discuss anything with me. Like whatever he says I just have to accept no questions. He dont tell me ****... I am confused-HELP.
2006-12-30 11:03:37 · 18 answers · asked by Mrs. Edwards 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I would suggest that you sit down with him and talk... And if he does not want to tell him that you might have to leave him because you also have a right to speak. Tell him how it made you feel about finding out about his 5 kids and how you feel about the situation that you guys are in. Have some time alone so you can get your thoughts together and know what you are going to say... And make sure that he knows that you have the right to have your opinion...Best of luck to you!!!
2006-12-30 11:15:44 · answer #1 · answered by Becca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he waited 8 monts to tell you, that sounds al ittle more than misleading. That sounds very dishonest and deceptive. It sounds like he just waited until he had you attached emotionally before he told you. That is NOT fair to you. I mean, seriously, where will he draw the line? In another 3 months you find out he's been married 3 times. A year from now, you find out he was in prison for 2 years. 2 years from now, you get married and find out he has a bad drug or alcohol problem. These scenarios may sound extreme, but you have to really consider the possibilities. You don't really know this man that well. The best thing you can do is go to couple's counseling with each other. If he is willing to do this, he may be a keeper.
2006-12-30 11:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by A T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the kids are the problem. A guy who doesn't tell you things, who just expects you to accept whatever comes without warning, is Big Trouble Coming. You love him now, but trust me, one day you won't, and you'll wonder how you ever put up with someone who doesn't treat you like a partner by witholding information and keeping you out of the loop.
A lot of times, we try (unconsciously) to recreate the bad situations from our childhood, thinking that this time, we can make it come out right. You might try figuring out who he most reminds you of. That feeling of "love" might just be the feeling of "normal", no matter how bad normal really is.
As for the kids - it's not their fault. Just imagine they were a girlfriend's kids you met on a playground somewhere. Don't make them your responsibility, but don't stand in the way of their father trying to care for them, either. Just about all kids need their dad.
And start taking steps to get a life apart from this guy, too, today! Make some new friends, not necessarily guy friends. Get involved in some project, go volunteer to help someone, take a class. You need to get mentally and emotionally AWAY, and not because of the kids.
M
E
2006-12-30 11:27:36 · answer #3 · answered by Martha E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes love is not enough. With five kids, I can tell you he has alot of people to be spreading his love (and money) around to, and because of that, there will be a smaller amount of time (and money) devoted to you then if he didn't have five kids. The fact he didn't tell you about this up front in the beginning really bothers me. If you're not too emotionally far in to get out, I'd recommend getting out because at the very least, you will be doing a lot of sharing and giving up of things (and possibly even helping support those five kids) that you shouldn't have to in the future. You deserve better- I know it will be hard, but there are so many more men in the sea and most of them aren't already committed to five other people for the rest of their life...
2006-12-30 11:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have certainly been deceived. This man is not financially competent if you have these problems and is not willing to learn either. I suggest a break from him to clear your mind and decide weather the difficult life you are about to embark on is what you really want and if not now is the time to act. The guilt trip will be used in a big way as he is a master at it but you need to look through that and consider the price of being a step parent to five children when clearly you haven't the maternal instinct for it yet.
2006-12-30 11:18:17 · answer #5 · answered by Pilgrim 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel you. Most men at first will wait to tell us the deepest and darkest secrets like having 5 freaken kids. They wait because they want you to fall for them, making it much harder for you to leave. Guys like that makes me sick.
I don't know how old you are, but if he has 5 kids already, he must be a lot older. I suggest you find someone else. You are too young to be in this kind of mess. 10 months of suffering is enough. If you stay, you know it'll only get worse. Love will be there someone else. You can't possibly say he is the ONLY man in this world now would you? Be smart.
2006-12-30 11:10:35 · answer #6 · answered by roxylee11782 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your relationship progresses into a marriage, you will be broke and go withour because of all the child support he has to pay!!! Do yourself a favor-leave him now find someone who doesn't have children so both of you can start with a clean slate.
2006-12-30 11:09:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask him about birth control.
Are all 5 kids with the same woman?
If not run, run fast or someday day you'll be a single mother.
2006-12-30 11:52:10 · answer #8 · answered by ~*~Tessa~*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on.....there are lots more fish in the sea, ones who actually don't try to hide things!! He's a loser, and you're obviously not ready to make that committment or else you wouldn't be asking. You are not the bad person....he is.
2006-12-30 11:47:42 · answer #9 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That means 8 months he was deceiving you. Also, he has NO common sense to bring them there when there is no food. You are dealing with a very smooth con artist...who has obviously conned other women already.
This guy is major, major trouble...I'd get away from him as fast as possible, he has no sense of responsibility!!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-30 11:10:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋