after 3 kids, all grown and gone. i've come to the point in my life where the kids can't fill the void that love should. wife doesn't like to do anything but watch tv. we have nothing in common but the kids. should i just continue to be comfortly numb or do i leave and i hope i can still find someone to share my heart with?
2006-12-30 10:45:50 · 40 answers · asked by thelovebuzzard 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i've tried talking and suggesting consuling but no go.
2006-12-31 01:41:30 · update #1
it takes 2 ; what have you done to spice up the marriage; rekindle the flame; communication ? this didn't happen overnight; the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence; talk to her and open the lines of communciation to start then you can mutually agree what is going on and what needs to be done; don't hit her in the belly now out of the blue; step up and be a man and talk to your wife.
2006-12-30 11:10:56 · answer #1 · answered by sml 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been asking myself the same thing for a few years now. I have 3 kids all grown and gone except for 1. I've been with my hubby for 22 years. We just don't have anything in common anymore, so I know how you feel. The question is do we want to be happy. Well, I know I do! So do you stay comfortably numb as you say or leave the relationship with hopes of finding someone else to love? Well, I think there is no guarantee either way. If you truly love this woman, you must try one more time to work it out. If not, what have you go to lose, right? You must do what's in your heart. Do what will make you happy. We all only have one life and I think we need to make ourselves happy for the duration, don't you?? I wish you happiness in whatever you decide to do. Need more words of wisdom..LOL Send me an email at stormynight91867@yahoo.com.
2006-12-30 12:40:44 · answer #2 · answered by Stormy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must be a really hard decision. I can only imagine! Here's my answer: talk to your wife and tell her how you feel - don't get defensive and shut down if she starts to tell you why it's your fault.
Then already have some ideas as to some things you can do that you think she would like to do - perhaps dancing lessons or tennis or bingo or going for walks or plays or whatever.
If she doesn't budge after you've shown some effort I would say run like the wind and don't stay in a loveless marriage. Life is too short - but don't leave with the "hope" of finding happiness with someone else - leave for yourself (you may not find someone else right away and then how would you feel?). Leave because you would be happier without her then with her.
2006-12-30 12:27:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are times in a marriage, especially a long one, that love fades, but has to be rekindled. You can fall in and out of love with your partner more than once. Now that your children are grown and gone, maybe now is the time to explore a new relationship with your wife. If you have 3 children, raised a family and are comfortable, there had to have been some love. Talk to your wife, take her out on a date, a weekend trip together, make her feel like a woman again, instead of a mother, wife, caregiver. You may be surprised what it will bring out in her.
Don't give up on a 23 year marriage so easily, and please don't go out looking for lust elsewhere. It may be right there at home, just hibernating, its time you awaken it again. You can start your life over again with the woman you have made so many memories with, and begin a entire new adventure just you and her, all over again.
Also, remember, it didn't die over night, it won't rekindle overnight either, be patient. COMMUNICATE.
Good Luck, do a lot of soul searching and make good choices. I bet you won't be sorry.
2006-12-30 11:03:04 · answer #4 · answered by deanie1962 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you able to talk to your wife about all of this?Alot of people don't talk like they should and that makes it even harder to be with someone.Maybe your wife feels like you do. After the children are gone it's like there is nothing to stay for.Alot of people only stay for the children. I was married for 25 years and was never happy with my first husband so we got divorced. He was never home with me and my children and I was the only parent that they had.After they were raised then my ex wanted to make the marriage work. I was just tired of being with a man who showed no love for me or my children.He was also addicted to watching TV all the time. We also did not get along about anything. About all we did was argue all the time and it wasn't worth staying married. I finally have a peaceful life at last. I am now married to another man and I am doing better this time. If you feel that leaving is the right thing to do then do what you feel is right.
2006-12-30 11:48:09 · answer #5 · answered by Nancy M. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person should not have to stay in a loveless marraige, however remember that to find a new love will take a great deal of effort, and you may end up on the short end of the stick anyway. My advice to you is to put that effort towards your wife, and if it doesn't produce results within a year, maybe re-think the whole relationship at that time.
2006-12-30 11:07:40 · answer #6 · answered by Christine5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get into counselling and start talking honestly with each other. Take into consideration everything that you would be missing if you left and were on your own. What exactly does she bring to your life? Are you too close to the issue to really see what you'd be missing? Is there no way to re-ignite the fire that was there in the beginning of your relationship? Can you start a new hobby together? Travel together? Games? Be sure to contemplate everything when you make your decision so that if you leave, you don't have the "don't know what you've got, til it's gone" feeling. The singles scene isn't so pretty especially for those past 40.
2006-12-30 10:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well, it is a very common question for a long term connection, anyway, for the kids is the best to have both parents under one roof, but only if there's an honest and respectable relation between the couple. In the other hand you deserve your happiness, the same as your wife does. Marriage becomes a economic business and broking such a relation wont necessary give you satisfaction and happiness. Ask your wife if she agree that both of you develop independent relations outside of marriage and still living in one roof as functional parents until your kids will grow.
2006-12-30 10:54:35 · answer #8 · answered by maralist 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may be missing a rich opportunity to become reacquainted with your wife.
Often if we are bored, uninterested, or find life tedious I think we look to our marriages as the place for blame.
I suggest you take a long look in the mirror before tossing someone who has stayed with you this long. You may find it is you who is boring, uninteresting or tedious. And further that there is more that can be done about it than you think possible.
You must first decide to either commit to it or not though. You cannot do it half heartedly. You must either be in it or out.
Should you decide to stay in do it with a recommittment to your spouse and with one from her to you. Tackle your marriage together with perhaps new vows to reaffirm your new dedication to one another.
I would suggest that you try this before giving up on a marriage of any length. Even of only so you can look back later and know that you did your best to save something that was once valuable to you. There is always time to give up. There is not always time to start again.
2006-12-30 11:05:08 · answer #9 · answered by outdone 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Leave the marriage if it is like that. Life is too short. Even if you don't find another love at least you are free to do as you want, go where you want, see who you want and basically enjoy life. Good Luck and Happy New Year!
ps - I divorced my husband after 17 years of marriage and I am very happy!
2006-12-30 10:57:04 · answer #10 · answered by Maggie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋