I love my wife, yet we have no intimate life. What do I do?

Question

The dilemma is what do I do? I don't think it is right that a man should have to beg his wife for intimacy. I don't want to cheat on her, but I am so frustrated. My libido is pretty strong and I have needs that simply aren't being addressed. If I try to discuss this with her she gets angry. What in the world am I supposed to do?

Answer 1

I presume that you have been married for a few years and I base my answer on that assumption. Married women tend to be much less sexual than men. They are more concerned about the marital life than sex in a marriage. I do not deny and perfectly understand the sexual gratification that you are looking for but unfortunately, women do turn cold on us men. I have read many answers on this site and it is a disgrace to note that too many believe that cheating or getting a divorce is a way out on a marital difficulty. I do not advocate such but use of patience, understanding and communication may lead to a more productive result.Trying to discuss gets her angry... Think! She may not be angry at you but at her condition that she has lost her desire and felt incapacitated to respond at your sexual advance. I suggest that, instead of pushing for sex, you play the husband who understands that his wife is not to par and makes her feel that it is ok to be like that. She may open up to you as a confident but not a man who will judge her over her deficiency. In case of hormones unbalance, a visit at her OBG will definitely help. Good luck!

Answer 2

Marriage is a partnership. If you have needs they should be met-- same in a relationship where the woman's libido is higher than the man's! There is such a thing as a fair compromise and you and your wife need to find that.

I'm sure you've tried to discuss this with her rationally and she's probably getting angry because she defensive. She probably recognizes that something's wrong but doesn't want to take the blame for it.

I'd wine and dine her. Do everything you used to do to initiate the intimacy. If she's still reluctant, explain that you feel that you are entitled to some intimacy, just as she's entitled whatever she desires. She has achoice, she can HELP you rekindle your romance or you can go somewhere else which is not something you WANT but something your body demands.

Mention counseling. Mention doctors, etc. She may be menopausal and needing HRT

Answer 3

Well, face this fact, and it will stink. She isnt being fair or proper or right by not having sex with you. But my freind, life aint fair or just all the time and it often just sucks, really really badly.

We marry and commit to our partners, for life, through good and bad. Yeah, not popular and not often followed. But as much as it stinks, you still are bound and suppose to work it and stay. If she cheats, you can divorce. She also has to acknowledge that she is not doing what she should and is putting you in a position that could cause you do be tempted.

Dont you use that as an excuse to cheat either, cause you would be wrong too.

I would suggest that you find a good counselor, although I have to admit that I find too many of them useless and politically correct.

Dude, you are in one of the worst spots and most unfair spots a man can be put in. I know from experience. But then again, as my Dad taught me, being a man is usually nothing more then doing what you are suppose to do, doing what is right, doing what you commited to doing, even when you yourself as well as everyone elses thinks you a fool or idiot and tells you so to your face.

Answer 4

Counselling! Don't cheat on her- it will not be worth it no matter how you look at it. Ask her to see her medical doctor as well. Get to the bottom of why she does not want to be intimate- it could be something as minor as her back hurts but you still need to find out why. Communicate with each other and see why she is not into being intimate. Everything can be fixed with good communication!

Answer 5

Let her get angry. And then tell her her marriage is in trouble because that's the truth.

Whether you intend to cheat or not you are so angry with her that one day, even if you don't intend to, you will lean on some woman, and there are many who will allow it, and in confiding to her about your marriage you will end up in the sack.

Being sexually frustrated makes us vulnerable to attack. It makes our marriages weak. It causes anger and hate and torment.

Your wife has the right to know that you are in this position and that she is risking losing you, even if only temporarily, to another woman.

Be honest. If she loves you she will fight for you.

Answer 6

Need more info. Was she always like this or did she just stop wanting sex one day? Hormone levels change all the time. Maybe she needs to ask her doctor to run some tests. She shouldn't get mad at you. It's a serious topic. I'm sorry she's too immature to discuss what's bothering you. At least you were brave enough to ask her about it. Sheesh.

Answer 7

hummmm...you could be my husband (probably not but could be). i'm angry because he isn't here for me and the kids, i'm angry because of years of broken promises, i'm angry because he never cooks me dinner, never takes me out...i have to initiate it all. i'm angry because he is a really good guy with issues that only he can resolve...issues that stem from his mom leaving him at an early age and now she's back to have him take care of her...but guess what, he uses me as his 'shield' to her...i'm tired...i'm angry and although I have maintained a beautiful figure and still work on my fun side (easy with kids) i even get out and socialize...but because I could not THINK of cheating and I'm too shy to seek male attention for fear that it could cause problems that resonate to my children's lives i sit in my anger going to bed at night by myself because he falls asleep at the TV (lllllloooongggg habit that no flaunting myself at him ever could break...so i stopped)...he once called me too sexual...now he's quietly stewing because I'm uninterested...

I'm uninterested in him...i've lost the ability to love him...but if he would try geninuely try i would too...but actions, not words are the only acceptable action. So, if you need to get it on, go ahead with someone else until you can truly figure out why she's uninterested...until you can stop being defensive and realize there's a woman who hurts and does not seem to be able to rely on you to help her from what's wrong.

Sex for a man is physical. For a woman it's emotional. So you can see why there are so many boards on this talk...why so many problems. Because each of us is too bone-headed to make the connection...my best wishes to you, you seem like my husband concerned, articulate, and fair...but only see what you're missing.

Answer 8

First off you need to be more detailed about what she says as to why she never wants sex.
Could it be that she is constantly hounded about sex 24/7 that the thought of sex wants to make her hurl?
Be a man leave her alone and she will come around, I know first hand, well and second hand if you get my drift. Try taking her out on a date, take her out on the town let her know she is more than a piece of as*!!!! Treat her like a Lady and she will treat you like a Tiger.

Answer 9

tell her which you experience which you've greater intercourse. tell her you pick it to experience satisfied. you adore her and decide on her affections. you pick it a minimum of as quickly as a week and he or she could attempt and accommodate you. If she might decide directly to teach you what and how she likes issues, you're prepared to objective. whether she needs a 30min foreplay, you're prepared to do the paintings. women individuals take longer to get aroused than adult adult males and that i dont like being grabbed the two by utilising the way. i like being sensually kissed and gently touched in specific places that are actually not my privates. you are able to desire to make your innovations up how she gets aroused and while the suited suited time is. Timing is each thing. definite i understand this sounds like diverse paintings on your section, yet how badly do you pick it? there's a sexologist, Laura something - (she grow to be on oprah) - watch a number of her movies on youtube or study her e book. It truly enables. in case you're satisfied in all aspects of your marriage different than the mattress room, then do something to alter it. go and notice a sexologist in case you cant restoration it your self. make the attempt, it truly is going to likely be worth it.

Answer 10

dont worry my husband is in the same boat as you, but that might be because im pregnant, but the thought of sex bothers me, i hope after i give birth it will be better... Maybe your wife is stressed out at you. Maybe its something your not doing? Just ask her Sometimes what it can be because those things happen alot... It could be a hormonal imbalance or stress. I hope everything works out between you and your wife.. take care!