I have had a trying realtionship with my wife over the past several years. She is the world to me, and the mother of my 3 kids. For many years now I have felt more like an employee, than a husband. There is no romance in our relationship what so ever. Each time I make a attempt at intimacy I am rebuffed. I've done eveything that I know how to do to remain close, with no success. I recently found a secret email account of hers, and very interesting emails theirin. When I confronted her, she told me that he was just a friend that she met online and that was it. They just talk to each other to vent frustrations. Yet his phone number appears on our bill almost as much as mine. My three children are the most important thing in the world to me. My job allows me to see them almost everyday. The thought of loosing that time with them has perhaps influnced my judgement. But I am exhausted now, and I now feel like a fool. Am I?
2006-12-30 09:56:43 · 17 answers · asked by firestormllc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a suspicious person and the fact your wife hid the email account does make me wonder. If it was innocent then why was there a need to hide it. If you cant be in the relationship anymore you cant stay just for the children. They will pick up on it and that wont be fair to them. Sometimes we don't understand the damage we can do to our children by not leaving. I stayed in my marriage for 9 years for my kids and the children turned around and asked me why I waited so long to be happy with them.Being a woman is easier in divorce because 9 out of 10 times we get custody of the children. It must be so hard for men as the court system is not really a fair place. Can i also suggest that if you do leave that both you and your wife don't put each other down to the children.
Whatever you decide to do i wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-12-30 10:10:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say you are certainly NOT a fool. You just sound like a man who honestly loves his wife and children and does not want to loose them. Your wife is the fool for even thinking that what she is doing is acceptable behaviour. I would have a very serious talk with her and ask her if she feels there is any hope for your marriage, ask her to tell you honestly how she feels about it. If she loves you then you must give her the ultimatum, it's either him or you, she can't have both. Then that will give you both a new goal. Working on your marriage and trying to get some romance back into it. She needs to show you that she loves you and go from there. I wish you the best of luck for a great outcome. Also a happy New Year
2006-12-30 18:36:43 · answer #2 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get into counselling - there is obviously more going on here than meets the eye. No, you have not been a fool- she has! She needs to stop communicating with this person and start communicating with you! She needs to do everything to make you feel safe and loved within your relationship. She should have no problem cutting off communication with this person as it is totally inappropriate no matter how you look at it- you don't vent to someone else- you vent to your spouse!!! All energies need to be directed towards your marriage now, both from you and her. Find a good counsellor and start being bluntly open and honest. Be prepared for the worst, even though if you both commit, you will get through this. You have not been a fool. If it ends, you can live with yourself. Can she?
2006-12-30 18:10:22 · answer #3 · answered by Peace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with gblue 52, just relax. I know it's easy for us to say, since we are not living your situation, but if you get so stressed and sick behind it, you are not going to be able to be with your kids anyway. Life is to short to be worrying about what someone else might be doing. If in fact your wife is doing anything, it will come out without you stressing about it. Stop looking for trouble, just enjoy your kids and let whatever happens, happen.
You are trying to keep your marriage together, and you should be commended for that, at least you are trying. You can't make people doing anything they don't want to do. Just continue to do what's right, and in the end she will know what she lost. Maybe it won't be too late.
Good Luck, I hope it work out for you...
2006-12-30 18:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be too hard on yourself. Though it is apparent that your wife has moved on in her mind at least, You are doing what you believe is best for the kids. My advice to you would be to find a way to let your wife go and keep the kids with you. Living in a bad relationship is not healthy for you and you deserve better. Dragging it out won't solve things. Better to get it over with and get on with your life.
2006-12-30 18:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by mopjky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if there is a relationship, even an emotional one with another person, than it means she is cheating, and when u confronted her , she minimizes it, as if the hurt u feel is nothing at all. ask her to go to therapy since u have children, if that doesn't work, u will have to get out of the marriage,to protect your sanity and well being. but first give her a chance, call the man if u have to and explain to him how u feel and maybe he will get out of your life.
2006-12-30 18:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you need a good sit down talk and find out what she wants. Maybe suggest getting some help. Maybe you need to be more in tune to her needs and she may not need to seek something extra to fill her time. Where is the romance? Is it there?
2006-12-30 18:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by colorado_mechanic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your exhausted then "STOP"whatever it is that is causing you to be exhausted and stressed get rid of it..Beleive me I have seen what stress can do to people as a matter of fact I am taking care of a man that had a massice stroke from "STRESS"nomatter what the situation is let people do whatever they think they are doing just chill out and watch what happens don't react to anything anymore it ain't worth it..
2006-12-30 18:03:48 · answer #8 · answered by gblue52 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's over and she's just keeping you around to see how long you'll stay! Be a man if you can't have the relationship you want with her move on and find someone you can be happy with.
2006-12-30 18:05:15 · answer #9 · answered by chosen37 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your no fool she is the fool....To have someone who loves her with all his heart....She is taking you for granted. I feel for you, because I know how it feels to be with someone you care so much about and you try everything possible to make it work when with every attempt only made matters worse...(Because of rejection) Just pray on it
2006-12-30 18:42:07 · answer #10 · answered by Sasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋