Should i not tell him i am pregnant to make things easier???

Question

I am 22 yrs old and am in my last year of college.To get to the point i never meant for anything to happen or thought it even could because the guy in question is an orthadox jew or at least conservitive judging by the way he dresses so i thought i was safe.I ended up having sex with him while i was in an emotional state.I did not know or even consider he was married and i feel horrible.I mean i am friends with him but he never talked about his personal life and the only reason i know he is married is because he told me two days after when he said that he could have no contact with me anymore.I am a total mess and have no idea what to do? I will be keeping the baby though.

Answer 1

He sounds like an irresponsible, immature, selfish person. I don't blame you for not wanting him in your life, as a personal relationship with him isn't really possible, nor is it a wise thing to wish for.

However, it will be difficult for you to raise a child without financial help from him. Babies are very expensive, especially when you consider babysitting costs, clothing, diapers, formula, housing, and medical bills that may not be covered by insurance. It's his responsibility to help you support the child financially.

When you say should you not tell him to make things easier....why would you want to make things easier for him? It certainly won't be easy for you. My advice to you, as someone who understands this better than some, is that you matter-of-factly inform him that you are pregnant, that you will be keeping the baby, and that you will be petitioning the courts for child support payments from him. I hope you have adults in your life in whom you can confide...either parents or a school counselor who can guide you.

You made a bad mistake, but the baby shouldn't have to pay for it. Do what you need to do to provide for the child and help yourself raise the child well. Good luck, honey.

Answer 2

I'd tell him. then i'd tell him to get lost. he doesn't deserve you, and you dont deserve his disrespect. he should have told you, no questions asked.

some states, if you don't tell the father and then have an abortion (not that you are, of course....) then there can be legal issues that can come up. but you're not the a$s in this situation, he is. he should have thought about his marriage before he slept with you. it's not your job to protect his family life, it was his, and he screwed up. go after him for child support, you deserve it if you're planning to keep the baby. unfortunately, he's going to be part of your life from this moment on in some way or another. he's your baby's biological father.

Hopefully, you'll be able to find a guy that will be happy to take in your child as his own. And trust me, there are some out there. Hold out for a great guy, and don't settle for some loser just cus he's willing to support you.

good luck, and i hope you the best. if you need to talk, send me an email, ok? :)

Answer 3

I know how you feel! Im 20, and it took me two weeks after I found out I was pregnant to pluck up the courage to tell my mum (I didn't live with my dad so it wasn't a problem). I mean she wasn't thrilled but there wasn't much she could do. I moved out a month later with my partner. And now well, she's over the moon :) she does nothing but spoil my little boy and he isn't even here yet, though he'll be here next week (having a C section at 39 weeks, 4 days) It's best just to get it over and done with. At least you have your mothers blessings :) just sit your dad down and tell him. I mean I don't know what you plan on doing regarding housing if you still live with your parents, but maybe you could explain what your plans are. Good luck :)

Answer 4

If you want any kind of monetary support, then tell him now. Have a good support network in place, and also possibly a lawyer. Even if you don't want the financial support from him, then you need to keep in mind that me might eventually find out anyway, and then things might get very ugly. This guy sounds like a scum-bag, he with-held the fact that he was married until after you slept with him. I know it hurts, but with time you will move on. And nothing will compare to that moment they place your baby in your arms and you are flooded with love and the assurance that you made the right choice in keeping your baby. Good Luck to you! Oh, and make sure you finish up college, stay out of debt, and take care of yourself so that you and your baby can have a happy life.

Answer 5

You say this man is your friend? And now he wants nothing to do with you? That does not sound very friendly to me. You didn't know he was married, but he did and this means he is not to be trusted. I think you should definitely tell him, as you will need financial support. How fair is it of him to do this irresponsible thing then leave you in the lurch? You should not keep quiet, you should speak up!

I hope everything turns out well for you and good luck.

Answer 6

I think it is only fair to tell the father, but do not expect anything from him. Be strong and take care of what you got to do. I think if you do not want him to be a part of your life then tell him exactly how you feel. I also would think it fair, if you want him to be a part of his life tell him. I am the kind of strong willed person that if I didn't want to be with him or felt in some way he wasn't fit to be a father, I would tell him I'm carrying his child & that I can take care of myself. It is a scary situation when I think about it, but I have a pretty supportive family who I know would help me. Hopefully you will figure things out and I wish you only the best to you & your new little one :) Be strong!

Answer 7

Don't let him talk you into getting an abortion. He messed up, true, and it is sad for his wife. He should have told you way before that he was married. That shows you how much you can trust him, even his poor wife can't.

Consider going to a crisis pregnancy center to see if they have some advice. They are very kind people.

Answer 8

easier on who? you're the who has to carry and give birth to this child!!! yes, he needs to know after all it's the child who will need financial support. there are so many children in this world who don't know their fathers for one reason or another. if he doesn't the responsibility he should've NEVER cheated on his WIFE!!! take the guy to court and get the support even is he's not willing to have anything to do with you or the child!!!

Answer 9

you to sound like you will be beter off without him.
i know how hard it is being a single mum 2 my wee gal.
but i love her and shes 19months now and her dad has never seen her and has only just started paying child support after we had 2 get a court order 2 get dna testing.
make him pay support towards ya wee munchkin. hes had a imput in bubz life weather he likes it or not.
good luck

Answer 10

Make things easier on who???? You do NOT need to protect a grown man from the consequences of his actions. I think a child needs both parents. You should definitely tell him. And you should definitely expect him to financially support this child as well. Don't worry about this man, worry about your child and what your child needs.