I am having a difficult time coping...?

Question

I am having a terrible time coping about a guy I was with for a year and half. When we were together he told me he wanted to commit suicide. It was an ongoing issue so I recommended he talk to a professional but he wanted to talk to only me. I tried my hardest to help him. Come to find out he kept a secret that he had a child he never met w/ a one night stand before we met. I helped him come to terms with it and when he finally met the child he ended our relaionship to pursue one with the mother of his child. I found all this out when I was in the hospital this past summer. I was pretty ill and the response I got was never to call him again. And there after he manipulated me into thinking I aided into him going back to the mother because I told him he should be a part of his child's life. They are not together anymore. But I am having an awful time dealing with how he treated me after I helped him with the serious threats of suicide. Ironically I am seeking prof. help b/ of this:(

Answer 1

when you communicate with him, just before things go crazy and everyone starts to "scream and flail", do you feel the pull in your stomach. like someone is reaching inside you and pulling something out. When that happens, do you feel that lashing out or crying is the only answer?

There 4 types of people that take you energy. From least intrusive to most: Poor me (pity), Aloof(you spend the energy to get their attention) Interrogator (THEIR faulty logic proves you wrong), Aggressor (bully/power) He strikes me as a Poor me. He feels sorry for the way it has all gone and can't/won't do anything to change it. They rely on your sympathy to get YOU to do something for them. I think he has to have someone to blame for the way he feels. You're the scapegoat.

Seek professional help for your own turmoil. I think you should keep your distance. You are allowing him in your circle. As long as you do he will take energy from you. His problems may involve you but that is the past. the choice is about what you do from here on. You chose what you chase and so did he. Now its a question of how do you plan to live with it.

I'm 4 yrs past a divorce and 2 months past the next girlfriend. We do this with everyone. all the time. the sooner you notice your choices and the chances to make them, the sooner you can live a healthier, happier life.

again seek professional help. this is a serious thing, suicide. take care of yourself.

Answer 2

First, I must say that you are an outstanding person, to stand by someone and help direct him in the right path. It sounds like you put your own feelings aside, or hidden, while you helped out this guy. He went the right way, to be with his child, but he evidently didn't think about your feelings and what you did for him.
I totally understand how you feel. Something similar happened to me a few months ago. I am coming to terms with it, but "time" is the only true help.
I think as women, we tend to do the right thing, even if it hurts us. I think that men are selfish and do not think about how what they do affects others. To me, he is obviously scum, who left one girl, then you, then the girl and child. I know this hurts you, but you are obviously a very smart and caring person, and you deserve much more than this man could ever give you. Give it time, and I know you will find someone who will treat you right. You deserve it.

Answer 3

Hmmm, I don't know much about it, but you might want to look up the word "co-dependent" and see if it describes your relationships? It seems like you enjoyed being this guy's hero and savior, and you hate that you got dumped. Perhaps you like a lot of drama? You should think about how the negative points of this relationship share similarities with other relationships you've had. I would recommend a book called, "Are You the One for Me?"

Answer 4

ok that's in simple terms the place the international is getting abusive on the have faith point it variety of feels care factor 0 is so rife that a guy can secretly have interaction in an affair and not anticipate to tick his expensive newborn off and his expensive "so stated as spouse" you hold that woman warm on your concentration tell your father he's an average careless guy or woman that merits no admire third spouse and Oh Come on........ this guy lacks self administration ...... and he could choose for variety 5 , 6 or maybe 7 in simple terms provide that a thought ...... and for you issues in simple terms God your can carry this sort of heavy and hurtful burden from careless human beings Pray for God's Salvation so as which you would be able to start to heal and forgive your father and could God bless your new plans on your marraige

Answer 5

Everyone is allowed to make a stupid mistake now and then. stop trashing yourself by thinking about how he stepped on your heart.
Who are these guys that women obsess over and why is it never me?