How do i tell him i am pregnant???When he is married??

Question

I am 22 yrs old and am in my last year of college.To get to the point i never meant for anything to happen or thought it even could because the guy in question is a orthadox jew or at least conservitive judging by the way he dresses so i thought i was safe.I ended up having sex with him while i was in an emotional state.I did not know or even consider he was married and i feel horrible.I mean i am friends with him but he never talked about his personal life and the only reason i know he is married is because he told me two days after when he said that he could have no contact with me anymore.I am a total mess and have no idea what to do?

I want to keep the baby of course and am catholic so obortion was never an option!

sorry for the mispelling (abortion)

Answer 1

You carry more responsibility than you're owning up to in your question. You must have felt something developing between the two of you. If you chose to allow it to progress then stop with all the "I didn't know"s. How can you be "friends" with him and not know he was married?? Isn't that one of the basic questions people ask as they get to know each other???

Anyway, all you can do is just tell him. Whatever happens, find a way to handle it. You're in the big leagues now. And please don't abort. It isn't the baby's fault you aren't ready for parenthood. Please allow one of the thousands and thousands of infertile families out there to make their dreams of parenthood come true.

Please learn a lesson here...if you don't want to be pregnant, dont LET yourself get pregnant! Take preventative measures and be aware of your cycle. There is only a very small window that allows you to get pregnant. Either avoid sex during that time or use a back up method.

Answer 2

First, make a decision whether you will keep the baby, have an abortion, or give it up. If you keep the baby, you need to sue for paternity as soon as the baby is born. He is also responsible for bringing this child into the world and the lack of birth control used when you two slept together. So, if you decide to keep the baby, you will need child support from the father and the paternity suit will establish he is the father and pave the way for you to get child support. His visitation rights will also be an issue. Everyone deserves to know their father, so if he wants to be a part of the child's life, you will have to agree on visitation. If you keep the baby, the sooner you get this going the better, as he should also be responsible for some of the doctor's bills you occur along the way for healthy pregnancy care (which you will do). If you decide to give up the baby for adoption. He really doesn't need to know I don't think- each state may vary on this, but I believe if you just say you don't know who the father is, you will be the sole person responsible for signing over rights (but please check this with a lawyer). Either way, if you decide to give up the baby for adoption, you will have to make the decision whether to tell the father or not. There is a slight possibility that if you do not wish to raise the baby, there are some incredible women in this world that could take on raising the child of their husband's from an affair- his wife may or may not be one, but it is something to consider. Also, if you decide to tell him, remember that once he knows, he will be able to force his legal rights upon the child if he wants to and stop any adoption if you are adamant about someone else raising it. If you decide to have an abortion, you will need to make the decision whether to tell him or not. The risk you run is him possibly wanting you to have the baby. If you are adamant about having an abortion, my recommendation would be to not tell him.

No matter what, you have alot to think about. To all you women out there- this is a prime example of someone being taken advantage of by a married man looking for a fling on the side. To all you men out there- this is a prime example of what can happen if you go have an affair. No matter how you look at it, this is an extremely sad situation that could have been avoided if the man who fathered this baby had truly been a man, instead of a boy, and honored his marriage vows. Now, three lives will be altered...

Answer 3

Hey, how about this for starters. Stop making excuses for yourself. You did what you wanted and so did he. Its that simple. You had control over you, he had it over him. You both decided to diddle and there you go.

Well, if you are pregnant, dont punish the baby for it. Also, dont hold the guy more then half responsible for the kid, cause you were there and a willing participant. He does have responsibility if he is the father, as the child is his. He should deal with this and can be made to do so, which you already know and you have a million women screaming this fact to you.

I will ad this. If you would make him pay, you also should be just as willing to allow him to have a say as far as keeping the kid too. Look at it this way for a second. If you can or would abort without his consent, then why should you get a choice as to him paying or acknowledging the kid. After all, you had a part in this. If you want your due, you must give others their due. No reason you should have more say or rights then him, cause it takes both.

The best answer I can give you is this. Your are in college to learn better how to deal with life and so forth. Well, deal with the decisions you made and the circumstances you at least helped put yourself in. Take responsibility and deal with the consequences of your decisions and actions. That is what being an adult is. Yeah, I know, from watching so many so called adults, you could not tell this, but all life really amounts to is learning to make better decisions and dealing with the costs and responsibilities of those decisions.

Answer 4

He told you he would and could not have any contact with you. That's the way it should be because he is married, but the fact remains that he is the father of your baby and should be aware of that. Now you must prepare to be a single mother..... and you will be a wonderful mother. You'll have a college degree that will afford you many possibilities in life. Monetary support from him now would certainly be nice, but don't count on it. When your child is of legal age, he/she can take up that issue with him if the child so wishes. Do not be surprised if he is in denial about this; DNA testing can clear up any doubts. Be point blank... ask for support until you are on your feet financially. Also, he must know that youy have no intent of revealing his identity... and stay with that. Dragging other people into this will serve no good purpose. I wish you and that beautiful child you are carrying well. Remember, God is always in your corner... even in your darkest hour.

Answer 5

Depending on what state you are in, it sounds like you have been raped. I would get a lawyer and take him to court. He could be dangerous. Don't be alone with him. No one knows what darkness goes on in the hearts of some men. But for this guy to deceive you and his wife and have unprotected sex with you knowing you were in a vunerable, emotionally fragile state - he is scum and I wouldn't put anything past him. He may try to harm you or your baby. Please talk to your parents. Are there any family members that you trust? You have to confide in someone who will be in your corner. They will be more understanding than you think. I would not tell Mr. Casanova anything without a police officer and an attorney by my side. Your baby may be the one who will discover the cure for cancer or save the human race from destruction. Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are in an emotional state now--The child is the main concern, and you need to tell him. It takes 2 to play this game. I know if I was in that situation, and was told he already has a family, and not want to see me, I would be a single mother, supporting the child. You do have an obligation to let him know, but do not need to agree. If he doesn't want to acknowledge the child, you have a large decision to make. Tear up his family, so he acknowledges the situation, or handle the situation on your own. Good luck.

Answer 7

To me it sounds like you are trying to do the right thing after a bad choice. Don't worry we have all made bad choices. It's part of being human. But coming from a Dad who's daughter made a bad choice much like your own. I would get some legal help, go to the local State office and apply for assistance. They will be able to help with medical costs and help you go after financial support from the father. In your case sperm Donner. sorry I guess I shouldn't be so blunt. Good luck!! And If you ask your parents I'm sure they will be there for you to.

Answer 8

You have to tell him in order to collect child support from him. You are going to need his financial support to raise this baby, and he will have to help provide it. Good Luck......you've got a "hard row to hoe" ahead of you! He knew he was married when he had sex with you, and was willing to take that chance, so now he has to step up to the plate. I'm sure it will cost him his marriage as well, once is wife finds out, but that's not your concern either......the only concern you have is the child you're carrying.

Answer 9

Do you NOT think it odd, that he told you, no more contact because he was married......... AFTER your emotional sexual encounter? I would not accept that until I found out for sure.
But even at that, if he's the father of your unborn child, then you'd best know all the particulars about him, so that you'll be able to serve him with child support orders.

Answer 10

In some ways I feel sorry for you, but it also sounds like you are making excuses. You just didn't bother to ask if he was married - you could have still done it even in an emotional state. Your life has now changed forever.