Does the character of a man actually matter to a woman?

Question

I'm looking for serious answers here. Nothing along the lines of "duh" or "of course".
I'm just wondering, because I haven't been able to find a woman who thinks that it's important for a man to live his life with integrity. Most women that I know think that it's great when a man is unfaithful, lazy, bullying, and dishonest in general. They view him as being a "bad boy" who has "edge" and is a "challenge".

On the other hand, a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and would be a devoted husband and father, is seen as "boring" and "too nice".

Why is this? Do these women have low self-esteem and think that they don't deserve better . . . or, do men of integrity have to start being losers in order for women to appreciate them?

I look forward to your intelligent and well-thought-out answers.

Answer 1

You have been looking in all the wrong places for a mate. Women who are confident look for the romantic, intelligent "boy scout" types, who are well dressed. Who in their right mind wants a bad boy or someone who cheated on their last wife or girlfriend? Women who prefer those types of men, are just like them, have no right to cry, when he does the same thing to her. They get no sympathy here!

Look for someone who is like yourself and not ready to jump your bones at the first opportunity. Learn to be a friend first. Love comes later and so does respect!

Answer 2

Where are you looking? I know a lot of women friends who would love a guy with integrity. Also what are you looking for? Some of what you seem to be wanting comes with maturity, and I don't mean age wise.

Being one that's chosen the "bad" boys, I would have to say that it's a matter of care-giving and in my case really believing that I don't deserve better. I didn't want unfaithful, lazy or bullying. What I did get however is controlling and emotionally abusive. Just because a man is seen as nice (and my ex's were nice, not lazy or unfaithfu), they still had "issues".

So I am working on my own issues right now and am seeing a nice guy who is ambitious, intelligent and the like. What I've come to realize is that we all have problems. Men of integrity shouldn't become losers. There are plenty of women of integrity out there. Hang in there.

Answer 3

I believe that women as well as men want a challenge and for a person who "Has it all" there on the surface does not appear to be a challenge. You your self see a lot of women as falling for the bad boy and edge person. Women have this built in radar for lost little boys, Why I have a small idea, it is in the woman's nature to fix and make better. we did it with out dolly's, and with our friends, and just keep on doing it. And you on the other hand do not need any repair work at all, so she is left wondering what am I going to do,Now your next question, do you have to lower your integrity, God I hope not as you will be trying to live a lie. There is one small hope that if a woman has been through a few of the bad boy types she might see you as the blessing that you are, but from the sounds of it not so far. and more their loss than yours. Is it any wonder that men go out of country for wives that will appreciate who and what they are, Shame on us.

Answer 4

No,
I've answered this kind of question many time, and the matter is not look at the surface behaviours of those bad guys, but look at the things behind them and what they're doing.

Firstly, lets talk about the nice guy routine. Nice guys are described as boring, predictable, and feeble. While they're good marriage material on paper, they're never married in practice. Why? Because there's no challenge to getting them for a girl, because they're already chasing after her and trying to buy out her affections through candy, flowers, nice dinners, trying to show her that he's a good provider. Know who this only works on? women who are already preggers from a jerk boyfriend that ran off long ago.

It's like making friends, you don't typically look for someone who'd fit your needs and style, but rather someone you have fun with first, fitting what you want in a friend is just a bonus.

Now, on the other side of the coin is the jerk, he's typically described as fun, spontaneous, and independent. After you get past the personality of course. These are the desirable traits you'd want, without the jerk attitude behind it.

Finally, the key importance in the personality is making someone laugh, that's how a good time is made, not through tickling, but through funny situations like sarcastic and funny remarks, or double meaning comments, etc.

Answer 5

First some questions for you.

1. What kind of women are choosing that give you these responses?

2. What is wrong with being solid and dependable?(too nice?)

women who seek these bad boys suffer from emotional pain addiction, risk taking/pleasure seeking behavior and early traumas associated with these types of behaviors. You are on a pedestal and you are looking down through the mist. You cannot see that these people have been repeating self abusive behaviors for generations, unless you have been there.

Not all women feel the way you state they feel. Many women look for men of character(i have had many relationaships) . There are women from many different socio-economic-cultural backgrounds that look for men of honor and integrity.

Answer 6

Yes, the character of a man actually matters to women. Most women, anyway. However, you ought to know that different women like different kinds of men. Not all women like 'bad boys'. Women who do like more 'bad' types of men tend to crave excitement and glamor, and find it thrilling to be with someone fascinatingly terrible, even if they are dishonest and bullying, even unfaithful sometimes. Meanwhile, women who like 'nicer' kinds of guys tend to want security and contentment and a happy family life more than anything else. More often, however, women prefer men who are a mixture of both: loyal, intelligent, romantic, and devoted, but with a rebellious and ruthless streak, not too dull and goody-goody or a "community leader"..

Answer 7

Do you realize that the women you are referring to probably don't possess the qualities you mentioned.
Women who choose men they have to "change" would rather not address their own shortcomings. Trying to "fix" a bad boy is a way of fixing yourself and making you feel that if it wasn't for you he would be lost.
Any man who is tries to bad boy himself up for a woman is setting himself up for years of pain.
Be true to yourself.
There are women of strength and character out there. Maybe you should ask yourself why aren't you more attracted to strong wonderful women? They're out there just keep looking!!

Answer 8

Maybe you've been meeting the wrong kinds of women.The integrity and character of a man are very important to me and many of my friends =)

Answer 9

Mike, look for a woman who already tried marriage with a "bad-***" guy. It seems like a rite of passage for women. If you want to marry a never-married young woman, you have to play the bad-*** part and hide your character and other good community deeds.

Addendum: For those that diss the idea of a guy playing bad-*** to impress a woman, and then come out good later, I know of lots of guys who've done this successfully. What do you mean it doesnt' work?

Answer 10

Women are strange creatures and being one of them. My vote is for a man to have strong character and be proud in his work and his home life. I won't even look twice if I think they are any different.