ok i need help with this one. my stepdaughter is 12 and we(my husband and I) are havin trouble with her. her mother doesn't like the fact that my husband has found someone who makes him happy. therefore she doesn't like me. we have visitations everyother weekend and on wensday. when his daughter is here we all have fun. I have a 7 yearold and we all get along with eachother. other than the little jealousy bit between them that lasts like a min. the problem we have is when they pick her up she goes home and makes horrible things up to tell her mom. she doesn't want her mom to know that she likes it over here. her mom has also tried to get me away from my husband by getting p.f.a. orders fabricating abuse(which they dismissed!!cause of no evidence) and now shes trying to get his daughter to make things up to get him in trouble. i'm afraid she will lie and get her dad thrown in jail and have his name ruined. i love my stepdaughter and i try to be understanding and have patience! HELP!!!!!
2006-12-30 08:22:03 · 12 answers · asked by awesomemom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
teach her whats right from wrong
2006-12-30 08:26:17 · answer #1 · answered by ~sharmo~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married my husband 10 years ago and he brought a then 16 year daughter into the household. For a while there there was nothing that I could've done that would have made her happy and of course her mother was very very bitter. I was not the cause of the divorce but was treated like I was. I put up with a lot of bad behavior for a very long time, nasty phone calls, petty thefts, etc..until one day I finally confronted the mother. Things were worked out especially as there was also a 7 year old son who liked me and was confused by all the venom. My husband was pretty much no help in the matter. Now, years later, we all get along, spend the holidays equally and fairly. There is no squabbling. This is all takes a lot of time though,so just be forewarned. The thing is not to badmouth the mom or anything like that.
2006-12-30 08:58:00 · answer #2 · answered by desertskieswoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the stepdaughter. Tell her how much you enjoy the time together and that you understand that she is caught in the middle.
As long as she knows that you wish no ill will toward her or her mother - perhaps she'll be less likely to lie to her mother.
She is caught in the middle here - I'm sure she would appreciate somone acknowledging that.
Also, maybe you all should find a professional family mediator. Include the ex. Let me tell you, dealing with each other honestly instead of trying to guess what the other person is thinking and speculating about what they might do next - - is hell. It only serves to aggitate all involved and continues to put the daughter in a position of trying to please everyone.
The situation is what it is - try to make the best of it.
2006-12-30 08:31:41 · answer #3 · answered by Becki R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it maybe a good idea to seek professional help with your step-daughter. It may benefit you all to see a counselor that can help you get through all this.
Try having a family meeting where you can all sit down and discuss the problem, let her know that making false accusations can hurt people and make matters worse than what they have to be.
Tell her about the little boy who cried wolf all the time and how at the end no one believed him when he really did see the wolf cause he made up all those lies before hand.
It could help if the father talks with his ex and daughter to let them know that although he loves his daughter and wants to be able to get along with his ex for his daughters sake that he loves his new family and she has to learn to accept that.
From your perspective I would try to let your step daughter and her mother know that youd like to be your step daughters friend if shed let you and you dont want to take over her mothers place. Maybe if she can realize that your not trying to take over her mothers place and can be a trusted adult that might help. good luck.
2006-12-30 08:48:48 · answer #4 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This problem situation needs your husband and his ex to remember it is in the best interest of their daughter if they can be at least civil. Do you or he have family you could maybe have over when she is visiting? You would have witnesses then whatever might be said. Your husband should tell his daughter that he understands how confusing it is for her loyalties to be divided but warn her of the potential consequences of the things she is saying to her Mother. She could say nothing and if her Mother asks she could say she'd prefer not to talk about visitation with her Father because of her Mothers reaction. You could always go to mediation or counselling if the ex can't be reasonable. The daughter is fortunate you care enough about her to be concerned.
2006-12-30 08:31:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! i think that your husband's ex is being a little harsh. Maybe u can fix her up with sum1 and she will stop with the court stuff but the stepdaughter u need to explain what could happen too the family if she keeps on doing this. She could understand. If she doesn't u need to talk to ur husband ex and explain.
2006-12-30 08:30:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people use their children as weapons in their own sadness. I would suggest seeking counseling for yourselves at least to learn how to better deal with the situation. I would also keep a journal of any events...(a paper trail can't hurt) The child is most likely talking negatively about your visits to gain her mother's approval...unfortunately, kids get hurt when their parents split...
2006-12-30 08:29:09 · answer #7 · answered by eaweav 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad lived through this same situation and the only to do is pray because the lies will roll but the truth always comes out in the mean time keep records and take lots of pictures when yall are together a cam corder would even be better
2006-12-30 08:26:47 · answer #8 · answered by toofavorable 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you seem to have most of it worked out,,she is trying to please her mum by lying and at this age it really matters,if you can,,sit her down and do let her know you know this is uncomfortable for her but you are worried about HER,you want to know,,does she realize that she is piggy in the middle,,she needs to know you know what is going on inside her head so she doesnt have to say to much,,she will be torn and wont like it at all if you try to put her mother down but if she knows you understand the position she is in and if she needs to talk about anything,,you wont say anything to get her in trouble.let her know you understand how her mother feels when she says these untrue things and that you also know that it wont last forever,that she must not feel bad for anything her mum does but at the same time you feel she needs to know about lies and truth,,that some lies are worse than others,that some lies get those we love in trouble and rather than her feel the need to lie she can come to you with any problem and you,her father and her can sort it out.children are not stupid but they do love their parents and this mother isnt thinking of her at all so you and the father must.
2006-12-30 08:32:50 · answer #9 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to put some seance in to the mother head and tell her what on your mind, an sure you i not going to stand there and let her destroyed your family.
2006-12-30 08:55:41 · answer #10 · answered by celi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋