2006-12-30 07:47:19 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you have to be happy and then your kids will be. I would imagine your kids are older now. So just go be happy. It will be an adjustment but they do adjust. Good luck, life is too short. People change, it happens don't be sorry.
2006-12-30 09:20:33 · answer #1 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a trick question. Once you bring children into the world you are responsible to take care of them until they turn 18. So, they need clothing, food, shelter and love from you. That doesn't mean you don't deserve some happiness in the meantime. Kids are happier when their parents are happy. So cut a little chunk of time out of your schedule just for yourself. If you have 5 kids, you may have to hire a sitter to do it, unless you have a grandma or grandpa around to help out for a couple hours. Do you have a spouse? Is the problem that you two aren't happy together anymore? I'd get marital counseling before I left a 20 year marriage. You owe it to your kids to try to make the marriage better, unless it's an abusive situation. If it's that...walk.
2006-12-30 15:57:13 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends. I think parents owe children a certain amount of time and effort (say 18 years). During that time, 'happiness', resources, etc should be balanced between the good of the family and the good of the individuals in the family.
Once the kids are of age, however, I think it's time for parents to think about themselves a little more. If the kids don't get that, that's really their problem. Once you've raised them, you have a perfect right to your own life. It would be nice if that included family, but it should not be controlled by family.
2006-12-30 15:51:45 · answer #3 · answered by bionicbookworm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once you have those kids, obviously you are stuck with the responsibility of raising, and generally doing for them until they arrive at what has been determined to be "seniority", at which time you not only owe them nothing, but should not have allowed them ever to have got that idea. It's their turn now to take off and use their own wings to fly with. If they are good, decent, responsible new members of adult society, then it's obviously a joy to continue to have a loving relationship with them.
However, just because you happen to have spawned that child and he turns out to be a no-good dirty rotten bum, then you have no more obligation to make sacrifices for that person, than you would be expected to for any other no-good dirty rotten bum. It's far from always the fault of parents when kids turn out that way, but once they are full grown self-determining adults, they should be treated by society according to their behaviour. Kids who grow up into solid citizens of good reputation, aren't the kind who would expect their parents to go on being subservient to their every wish and whim. But unfortunately, mothers in particular, often make it almost a virtue to be the slave of their children, and it carries right over into their children's adult lives, with the mother still "serving them" and those children still demanding it as a right. I think you start training your children for adulthood from the git-go, and making sure that they fully understand that you are more than just "Mom" or "Dad" You are a person in your own right, and that once they themselves are self-determining adults YOUR wishes, and your happiness are going to be your priority once again. When that point comes, you are no longer responsible for their happiness, THEY are -- because that is one of the things that goes with being an adult, with not only the rights of adult status, but its responsibilities also.
2006-12-30 16:11:13 · answer #4 · answered by sharmel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theirs.
2006-12-30 15:49:03 · answer #5 · answered by Penelope Yelsopee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When and why did you stop being happy? You shouldn't have to choose. You should be happy WITH your kids, not instead of. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, somewhere else. Try to get more "me" time, (here and there, as best you can with 5 of them!), just to keep some sanity. Hang in there, it gets better.
2006-12-30 15:59:30 · answer #6 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that in order to have a healthy family you both have to be happy ( kids & parents) now once they have flown from the nest then its your turn to be totally happy as when you started your relationship- do you remember back then? I sure do- I still have one more at home, and as soon as she's gone I'll return to my sleeping without pijamas,LOL wuuuuhuuuuu!!!! LOL.
2006-12-30 16:04:26 · answer #7 · answered by Taz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The 2 of you brought them into this world and they didn't ask for any of the crap they have been handed like you and your spouses troubles so figure out what the problem is and deal with it for a little longer.Let them get out own there own so you don't screw their life up too.
2006-12-30 16:15:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You lost your chance a happiness in your youth when you cranked out five children. You happiness now will be you raising them to be the BEST POSSIBLE individuals they can.
You robbed yourself of your youth, no one else. I sense a bit of resentment in your posting. Don't take it out on them. They are innocent of any wrong doing.
2006-12-30 20:37:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hope it was one in the same but if they are all 18 or older then i think its time for you. good luck and have a great life its to short for regrets
2006-12-30 15:52:18 · answer #10 · answered by teadropsue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋