my husbands exwife uses thier 7 yr old daughter like bait to get what she wants and to controll my husband.she still loves him after 6yrs and uses any chance to just call him up and chat(daily)she can't stand me,being i married her husband(no he did not leave her for me)and limits my contact with thier daughter(can't spend time alone with her,not allowed in her school)even through the both have joint custody and the list goes on.so please there has to be other people like me in this situation how do you do it?please don't say tell you man to get some balls and tell his ex off becuase he will not.he has allready told me to except it or he is going to divorce me if i bring it up again.i keep hoping she will find someone and leave us alone but shes so nasty no one wants her.
2006-12-30 06:43:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm amazed your main concern is his ex. Your husband has told you your feelings do not matter and if you bug him he will divorce you. That puts you in second place to his ex wife. He should be telling HER not to bug him.
You must not have any self esteem. Im sorry if telling you this offends you thats not my intention but you should think about if this is the way you want to spend your life, coming in 2nd after his ex.
2006-12-30 06:47:37 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's too bad you didn't know that this was how it was going to be before you married your husband. The simple truth of the matter is that he should be sticking up for you and telling his ex that he's moved on and that she needs to accept you in their daughter's life. It's a little thing called maturity and you're all suppose to be adults. Even if you and the ex-wife can't stand one another y'all need to put your best foot forward for your daughter's sake.
I'm also a "second wife" and there are some serious issues with my husband's children. He sticks up for me and let's his ex know that I'm a part of the children's life and that she needs to deal with it. We have drastically different parenting styles (she doesn't believe in rules or consequences while my husband and I do) and we've just stood our ground and let her know that we'll raise the kids as we see fit. My husband and I are on the same page. Frankly, I don't think that we'd still be married if we weren't. Anytime there are issues with how you're going to raise kids or when your significant other doesn't stand up for the respect that you're entitled to, there are other issues in the marriage worse than how you're going to deal with the ex or the kids.
2006-12-30 08:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to intrude and to say that, but quite a number of men have a cliché in their minds that there is but ONE wife in their life. They'd rather have their throat cut than avowing it quite simply. I know what I'm talking about, being a man who divorced twice. You seem to be in a predicament where the only person having the key is a reluctant husband. As a man, I'd encourage him to sort things out and face the facts. Some men can muster the strength to do that, but not that many though. I wish you luck and a Happy New Year.
2006-12-30 07:14:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You say she is so nasty that no one wants her, but your husband still seems to be under her spell. I am so sorry, I know this is painful. It doesn't sound like he values you in the least. If you choose to stay in the marriage, then be as nice and friendly to the witch as you can. You will win ZERO by being like she is. Take the high road, do not sink to her level. If you choose to leave, no one here will blame you!! I hope you two can work this through.
2006-12-30 07:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. He will divorce you if you bring it up again? Well, I would be beating a man like that to the punch. The daughter is top priority (and should be), but you are next priority...not the ex-wife. I'm not going to tell you that he needs balls...he already has them...plenty.
2006-12-30 06:47:40 · answer #5 · answered by just browsin 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice if he and his ex got back together - it seems they're still really into each other and their child. You should find a new man, rather than recycle some other woman's husband. This is why 85% of second marriages with children fail.
2006-12-30 07:03:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My mom is just like his ex wife and my stepmom has been an angel. She put up with years of me and my sister being rude to her (our mom lied and told us our stepmom "ripped" our father away from us). It wasn't until fifteen years later (i was eighteen) that my stepmom sat me down and set me straight on all of the lies. I love that woman now more than I ever loved my real mom. The point is, she was classy, she didn't use us as retaliation tools. She was patient and in the end, won our respect and love tenfold!
2006-12-30 07:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by k 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard to be the second wife. I am and We have been fighting with his Ex for 6yrs over everything for parenting time to money. She has her family lie for her. and say she works for them but don't! Her parents buy everything for her. Like a House, New Car,food, clothes, school. But wants more from us. She even went as far as to call the cops on me when I picked him up from school. She dose it all the time. She isn't sapposed to interfer with our time with my step son but she shows up at school and other stuff. She doesn't want tme around but yet she puts me in the middle. I feel your pain. I get so upset and he says oh just let it go. I know how you feel.
2006-12-30 06:55:33 · answer #8 · answered by cc 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kick him to the curb! You, his current wife, should come first. Even before his daughter. Drop him immediately and find someone who can devote all his attention to you.
2006-12-30 15:32:55 · answer #9 · answered by mscpa1999 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex "the noid" (given that name by our daycare lady) was a wicked, mean lady and got remarried.
Myself, my g/f and a host of others use that name and laugh at it instead of getting foul or upset over her.
In your case no matter how mean she is there's till hope.
Good luck and God Bless.
2006-12-30 06:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋