I split up with my husband 2 years ago, he developed manic depression and lied about everything and anything. In the last 6 months weve not had a single row and have stayed good friends for our little boys sake. We made one rule and that was if either of us started seeing someone we would tell the other straight away. He goes out most nights and has had loads of texts from girls etc but denyed it, I have now just found a la senza underwear receipt in his wallet and am totally gutted hes not been honest. I know for an absolute fact it wasnt for a family member etc
I want to tell him straight but I shouldnt have looked in his wallet. What do I do ? I just can't stand the fact I know hes lying. How can I make him be honest? I wouldnt mind if he was just honest and he knows that.
2006-12-30 06:37:36 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont want him back but the fact I know hes lying is making me so cross we will be rowing again and our child will suffer.
2006-12-30 06:44:05 · update #1
Quick statistic: when men open their mouth and their lips start moving, nine times out of ten, they are lying.
Is this man my current boyfriend? He says that he is 'protecting me' from the truth (bareface lying in my language). Why do men do that?!?!?! If I wanted protecting, I'd buy a f******g tank!
You've nothing to lose when you tell him that you've been through his wallet - he has more to be in trouble about. You have found the receipt for a reason - normally they go in the bin or carrier bag - thank fate for intervening, bite the bullet and ask him why he can't be honest with the mother of his child. His depression etc. makes a touching excuse, but we've all had a lot of **** in our lives and it boils down to one thing - personal responsibility for our actions. Good luck and hope it works out.
2006-12-30 06:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by stephaniespectacular 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YOur problem is you cannot trust him. He has betrayed you once and you suspect he will do it again. TRUST is the key problem. ASSUMPTION is the other problem. ASSUME means making an ***-out-of-U-and-ME.
I understand your distrust. It comes from hurt and betrayal. THe problem is you dont think he loves you and hence you dont repect him. When you begin showing respect he is more than likely to start softening and you will be amazed at the difference it makes.
A book I would recommend to all people getting married or already married is the book LOVE AND RESPECT by DR EMERSON EGGERICHS. Not only is this brilliant but it really works and I can vouch for it personally.
I am sorry for you and what you are going through. Operate above Feelings and Emotions in other words override them and choose to do the right thing. Retain your integrity and dignity and stop looking for stuff. Its almost as if you WANT the negative to happen. Operate in the positive and you will reap the positive. I also recommend the book THE PRAYING WIFE by Stormie Omartian. Pray that God would frustrate the plans of evil in your husbands life. Get close to God. Its worth it!God bless you and may your things work out for the better.
2006-12-30 06:58:03 · answer #2 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure I get your point; Whatever he does with whoever he does it has nothing to do anymore.
You're not his keeper, and unless you want him back, I suggest you start minding your own business.
No friend would go in their's friend's wallet and then become judgmental because they don't get told that he's or she's sleeping around.
He didn't tell you because there's nothing to tell at this stage.
He isn't seeing anyone as in he is in nothing serious.
I think that you are kidding yourself big time.
You are in love with this guy and won't admit it.
All you're going to do, is fighting, make your boys lives a misery and giving your ex-husband a headache as he won't understand what you're on about.
So, if he's a compulsive lier, I suppose that possibly the children would know, and anyway, you'll check whatever information they'll get from him, but as for his private life come on.
Be honest with yourself and see if you can get him back.
Don't make things worst or to a point where you'll destroy everyone like in the "war of the Roses".
Be careful and truthfull to yourself.
2006-12-30 07:24:23 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry to tell you the truth, sometimes the truth may hurt but time heal all wounds including this one: It seems you are in love with a man who is your husband, on paper but not realisticly. Another words on paper you and him are maried, but it is obvious he is not into this marriage and since he has decided to move into a lifestyle of a single guy well you need to move on. I know my answer is harsh but think about it, how long can you be miserable, how long can you go on thinking or wondering if he is goint out to cheat on you. Girlfriend the amount of STD's that are out there he is not worth it. Move on with your life and your children, it is better to have love lost than to have never love at all. try to remain friends for the children but if he chooses to behave uncivilized well I am sure with law being more on a woman's side you should have no problem filing a restraining order against him. The reason I am hard on your husband it's because I am a man looking for a good relationship and men like him as well as many other men take advantage of a good woman and makes it difficult for guys like to get on first base. I am sorry but the truth is the the truth you can face the reality of dumping this guy or stay and check his wallet, his car, cell phone, fact number one if you have to check on a guy, look through his personal things well that means you do not trust him. A marriage or any relationship is built on TRUST, and understanding, without these two important parts you are alone in that relationship. Good Luck and may this New Year help you make wise decissions about Love and Marriage.
2006-12-30 07:03:12 · answer #4 · answered by herby t 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You split up two years ago and yet is reads as though you still live together. You know he goes out most nights and gets loads of texts, you went through his wallet. You can't make him be honest, either he is or not. Not sure this cynical oldie buys the scenario painted.
2006-12-30 06:52:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've not only looked through his wallet but you've looked through his phone as well haven't you? otherwise how else would you know he's had loads of texts from Girls...he couldn't have told you himself because he's denied having any...First of all you shouldn't even be looking through his personal stuff without his permission & secondly why should it bother you what he does?
You talk about him being honest but you're not being honest yourself are you? Perhaps there's a reason why he's keeping things from you...perhaps he knows you better than you know yourself.
If you go searching for stuff where you shouldn't...you'll more often than not find something you wish you hadn't the same as if you listen in to a conversation about yourself...you won't like what you hear.
He's your ex...let him have his own life & own privacy...maybe when you can allow that...he may start to confide in you a bit more.
2006-12-30 09:49:00 · answer #6 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact that you don't want him back, why get puzzled and sneeked into his wallet . Does it matter to you whether he would tell you honestly about his escapades? Inasmuch as you had already given your consent if ever he is seeing someone I don't think it'll make any difference at all even if he tells you the truth. After all you gave up your right as a wife, why bother? Are you in some sort of being jealous?
2006-12-30 07:26:59 · answer #7 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What I want to know is this. Why the hell would you expect either of you to live up to any pledge or promise you make now? Niether of you honored or lived up to the Promises you made to God or one another. When you look at it like that, seems sort of silly to expect it now doesnt it?
Next, what are you doing in his wallet? Dont give us the crap of you know you shouldnt have. I doubt knowing you are wrong ever stopped you from anything. You have no right to question him on it. You divorced him, remember?
Lady, dont expect better then you give. I have to tell you, I dont condone his lying. But be realistic about this. Why should he tell you anyway? And what is it with you two. You both make promises, yet break them. Havent you both figured out that neither of you can be trusted to honor your promises or word? Wise up and stop making agreements.
2006-12-30 08:50:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You split up with him 2 years ago!! Let go of him, let him have a life and you need to find one yourself. He's always lied in the past and he will continue to lie in the future. You are WAY better off without him. Be a good parent and show your son that you're stronger on your own.
2006-12-30 06:40:49 · answer #9 · answered by Cindy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you let one another know about seeing someone else it will just create more problems.. If you two are still intimate you should not have agreed to seeing others in the first place and should not have even split up.. There is obviously still feelings
2006-12-30 06:40:50 · answer #10 · answered by Rebel-Angel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋