i just became engaged.i'm 33 never been married or have children,worked all my life at a good job.i have multible stocks,bonds,and savings accounts that = over 100k.my bf is divorced with a child a huge debt(30k) from his exwife with no other savings.he is a very "devoted" dad(what his son whats, his son gets) and has already told me his son is his 1st priority and he will never love me as much as his son.now add a very controling,money loving exwife to the picture that guilts my bf into giving her anything she wants.he already gave her more money/personal property than the courts ordered and continues to do so.i have played with the idea of a prenup with my bf but hes not for. its a trust thing he said.if i pushed it he might do it but it would damage our relationship.i love my bf and he loves me but i will allways be second to his son and if push came to shove i don't know what would happen.what can i do to protect my money other than a prenup?
2006-12-30 06:17:56 · 7 answers · asked by karenlowelt678 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
i would be a little wary of this whole scene to be honest and at NO point would I have a joint account with this man.........I personally would take a bit of issue with his statement of 'he will never love any one above his son'
I am married to a man who took on my two kids and I accept his two kids, now as a mum I can honestly say I love both MY kids and HIM the same but in different ways....................
I would also take issue that for him its a trust thing and it will damage the relationship.....well surely it will not be any less damaging when the ex starts digging into your reserves and milking you dry [one way or another] cos after all once married its all joint.....................we have had to go to HUGE lengths to avoid this level of BS with both his grown up kids and his mother and sister who look at me as their personal piggie bank.......plus his kids got very nasty when they found out my kids had trust funds, something set up for them roughly FIVE years before he and i even met BUT they feel they have a god given right to one too.....Please watch and be very wary......................
2006-12-30 06:25:44 · answer #1 · answered by candy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a legal standpoint, anything you carry into the marriage, (i.e. the stocks, bonds, and any property), are not considered community property. Therefore, he would have no rights or access to them unless you granted it to him. So, if you marry him, don't allow him any access to the stocks, bonds, etc. and it won't need to be worried about.
Side not though, any interest or money earned on the stocks he would be entitled to half of if the marriage failed. Example, if you have $100K in investment when you marry. Five years later you divorce, and the stocks are worth $120K. He would entitled to $10K of the $20K earned during the marriage. But, the original $100K would remain with you. Also, if you own property, before the marriage, he will not be entitled to any of it at anytime unless you allow him(i.e. allowing his name to be added to the deed).
So, just remember, what you take into the marriage, you take out. Any money or property gained in the marriage is split.
What I would be more concerned with is that if you have this money, he would expect you to pick up more of the "bills" while he spends his money on the ex and the child. You can't fault a man for wanting to give everything to his child, but he should not expect you to pay the price for that as well. If you could have the understanding that all living expenses are split, and that whatever he wants to spend on his child is up to him, then I don't see a problem. Of course, I would not allow for a joint account, as I see it getting drained quickly.
Just don't allow him any access to any monies you have accumulated. If he does not want to marry because of that, you know where his heart is.
2006-12-30 06:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have a secret just for you....my online persona is misleading... lets have lunch!!! figure out my email and lets talk.....but answer this question for yourself....if after you get married or for that matter once you have set a date and as it nears and his ex-wife offers sex (being controlling as you say she is) what will be his response? lets assume you believe you and your boyfriend have an open, honest, loving relationship. Ask him this. if he cheated on you would he tell you? a truly honest man would say "of course I would lie. do you think I'm stupid and give up some good p-ussy on the side. you are not even close to signing a prenup stage yet!!!!!!Once you get the BS figured out then he can comply with your intelligent request to sign. the contract should state he gets none of your assets and you get none of his debt!!!!!!you also should have a contract before the wedding that states that if he is in debt there will be no wedding.
2006-12-30 06:45:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT marry this loser. You will only end up contributing your income to "his son's needs" because they will also come first, and he will never earn enough money on his own to do that in his mind. He needs to come to terms with his ex-wife before anything happens.
What you current own is yours. Any appreciation after you would be married becomes marital property. If the prenup is a dealbreaker, break the deal.
2006-12-30 06:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try the sites below for information. The last site is a Legal Services Protection Plan. Watch the online movie presentation. It might come in handy later down the line.
2006-12-30 07:26:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong in coming in second to his child, that is the way it should be. Though the giving the child everything he wants could be guilt, it is also a bad habit, that you would pay for.
BUT, coming in second to his ex-wife tells you right there that there would be trouble. giving her everything she asks for tells you he still loves her or he would not be trying to buy her back.
Demand a pre-nup, or kick him to the curb. If he refuses, he is after your money, and not you.
2006-12-31 07:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by tequilagold_32 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT NOW!!! What are you doing, saddling yourself with a guy so eaten up with problems?!?!
Won't love you as much? Tell him to marry the kid - get out!
You don't know what would happen, but he does, and he's told you.
Stop this nonsense and get yourself a single, unencumbered man.
THis is crzazy!
2006-12-30 06:24:24 · answer #7 · answered by gabluesmanxlt 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋