I was married for 5years to my husband but now I'm filing for divorce because I'm tired of his cheating, lies, and physical abuse for which I endured for the first two years of our marriage. I recently came in contact with an ex boyfriend who I still have feelings for and don't know if i should act on those feelings. Please give good answers only thank you.
2006-12-30 05:46:24 · 14 answers · asked by judy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had an ex wife which I was married to for 12 years and during most of our marriage she thought I was cheating - or thought that I wanted to cheat.
I wasn't and I had no reason or desire at all to cheat. Personally it's not in me.
Almost on a weekly basis she would ask me if I loved her. Of course I loved her!
Could I prove it? Well, that thought never occured to me because I loved her. Simple as that... I cared deeply for her and no matter what I did to make her happy she always still asked me if I loved her.
One day a scrap of paper fell out of her purse and on it were phone numbers for "Jeff."
She said it was a co-worker. Fair enough.
But as I picked up the paper, in that breif moment I also noticed it had several phone numbers and an email address. All in different colored ink.
She "snatched" it from my hands and tossed it away and got really jittery about it.
Three days later I went in her side of the closet and got a pair of shoes for her (that she asked me to get.)
I found quite an alarming letter in which she was calling off her affair with him.
Hmmm... The first thing that came to mind was her always asking me if I loved her and her feeling so insecure about me.
In reality she was the one who was cheating.
I'm saying this because as I look back, I can only recall her asking me if I loved her and me initiating most of our romance and relationship together. Rarely did she ever dote on me in the least.
We've been divorced for nearly 8 years and at times I ask myself, "Did she ever really love me?" "Did she break up with someone else that she still loved?"
I don't know the answer.
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In your case though I don't think you should act on your feelings for someone else until you've had time to heal from the divorce you haven't even gone through with yet.
Give yourself time.
Don't end up like my ex who always questioned her sincerity or insecurity towards another man.
By the way, it was my first marriage and her second. We met 6 months after she divorced when we were 24 & 25 years old.
I'll never go through that again. If a woman is fresh off any relationship... I'll stay away from them as far as possible. At least up until they've been out of the relationship for a couple years.
edit:
PS. I have to laugh at many of the women telling you to go for it. Mark my words, it won't last.
2006-12-30 06:05:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, A cheating partner should get what's coming to him or her,
but you should only hook up with your ex for fun. If it works good!
if not good! Don't do it to get back at anyone. This guy might have a std. Move slow you don't want to make mistakes.
Have you gave it any thoughts as to why your man cheats?
As a man I would do it because I still have urges. Try to talk things out and if it doesn't work then at least you tried.
2006-12-30 07:01:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give it a while. You are still, technically, on the rebound and could be very vulnerable to doing the wrong thing for yourself right now. You need to get back on your feet emotionally, financially, and socially before you can make prudent decisions about your future. Right now, you could fling yourself at whatever takes the pain away and that could be a disaster.
Time, time, time. You're still young. Give yourself some of it as a special present to yourself. Keep your distance from any deep emotional and intimate relationships for the time being.
2006-12-30 05:58:04 · answer #3 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have already filed for divorce and have seperated from your husband, I see no reason not to pursue these feelings. However, be aware that this might just be a rebound sort of thing and not something for the long term.
2006-12-30 05:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Tara M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By all means. You deserve to be happy. I would , however, wait until the divorce is final. Then you can start out with a clean slate and the new boyfriend will not get dragged into the divorce.
2006-12-30 05:54:44 · answer #5 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT act on your feelings right now....you need to leave your husband and establish your own life before you'll be able to find a healthy relationship with another man. Please resist the "rebound". Unless you want to learn another hard lesson from first hand experience?.... Act only on finding yourself right now...
2006-12-30 05:54:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband are seperated... I say go for it. Just keep in mind, you and your ex boyfriend broke up for a reason. You may want to consider starting fresh with someone new.
2006-12-30 05:53:51 · answer #7 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Souds like you are ready to start over fresh, just remember that your ex husband and your new man are two different people, do not compare them to each other because if you do you will probably find it hard to be happy.
2006-12-30 05:49:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simply put, if you hated it so much or it was the problem, you would have been gone already. Now these things are just what you use to be able to feel okay with leaving him for someone else.
2006-12-30 09:09:22 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your husband is already cheating on you, what else is there to lose. get the divorce and get out. he isnt worth letting him cheat lie and abuse you all the time. find someone worth having and worth having you
2006-12-30 07:42:09 · answer #10 · answered by young grown man 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋