I very often see advice on this message board telling people that "love is a choice." I don't understand how that works -- please give examples of how when you fell out of love with your spouse you chose to fall back in love, and how you made that happen.
2006-12-30 04:57:15 · 6 answers · asked by I'm Trying 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This can be answered from so many different angles. First, when you have married someone, in the beginning you have the "butterflies in the stomach" attraction. That's not love, that's lust, but it proves you have the physical attraction between the two of you. That feeling never goes away- it simply gets buried by the decisions that enhance or destroy your love. Say you and your husband have a disagreement and it's over something you have very strong feelings about. At that point, you have a choice whether you make that disagreement a deal-breaker, or you choose to talk to them further and understand it, and them, more fully. Saying love is a choice means that you have the capacity to make the choices that enhance your love, or destroy it. If you hold grudges for example, you are making a choice that will destroy your love. But if you choose to forgive and let go of that grudge, you have made the choice to enhance your love. Making the choice to love is putting someone else before yourself and being conscious that every decision you make in life can enhance your relationship or destroy it bit by bit. We choose when we are being selfish. We choose when we are being loving. That's what is meant by "love is a choice"- we choose to put our mate above ourselves and love them instead of being selfish and loving ourselves more. All life is, is choices. We choose to hate, we choose to love. We are in complete control of every action we take. Choose to love. :)
2006-12-30 05:17:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can choose who to be attracted to, but love is something that has to be nurtured. When I got together with my man, I wasn't ready for anything serious. I held back because I'd been hurt, but he was so sweet and generous of spirit I had to ask myself all the hard questions. The answer was he had all the qualities I wanted in a man: he treated me with respect, he was gentle and affectionate, and he was downright nuts about me. I chose to let myself love him. Sure, in the two years since, we've had times where we grate on each other a bit, or we don't have much time together and that starry-eyed stuff with Dreamweaver playing in the background fades, but you make a choice to spend time together and find the things you loved about each other to begin with, or new things that have developed since you met. Hope that helps.
2006-12-30 05:18:38 · answer #2 · answered by The Mad Shillelagh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very good question, i don't know either, i am more in love with my husband now then years ago, so it is not a chose i made i just am, and glad of it.
2006-12-30 05:15:53 · answer #3 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
love isnt black or white it is constantly changing shades of grey it can range from omg i cant stop thinking about her to eh she's like a comfortable old shoe it's the flux of the strength of the connection that keeps it fresh
2006-12-30 05:04:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dont agree with this. You can not chose who to love, it just happens.
2006-12-30 05:10:08 · answer #5 · answered by just_trump_my_ace 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you cant choose who u fall in love with....Your heart will never let it happend.
2006-12-30 05:01:53 · answer #6 · answered by butterfly_kisses81501 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋