I am currently 8 months pregnant and i live w/ my boyfriend. He is usually really sweet but b/c he has a communication problem, he lashes out on me sometimes and it is really hurtful. whenever i ask him to do something he gets mad and tells me i'm being his mother. When he goes out w/ his friends he cannot control how much he drinks and doesn't call me for a ride until 4 am! He is on probation so if he gets another public intox he will go to jail. Last night he did not come home at all, and did not call me. i was up all night worrying and crying b/c i'm so angry that he could be so selfish and irresponsible. I don't want my baby to have a father like that. I don't know what i should do about this situation, i think i should kick him out for a few days but it breaks my heart to have to do that. any advice?
2006-12-30 03:48:02 · 17 answers · asked by dizzlej 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
update: so my boyfriend was arrested that night for his 4th public intox. and that is why he did not come home. I called his mom to come pick him up. When they got home I told him that if he wants to stay in our apartment, then he has to go to A. A. every week until the court decides what to do w/ him, otherwise he has to move back in w/ his parents under rules and restrictions. He agreed to this and agreed to quite drinking entirely. I don't know what else to do, b/c our baby is due march 3 and his court date is february 1. i hopeing that he will not go to jail and miss the birth but i told him that him getting arrested was the best thing b/c he has been forwarned many times in the past by me and the court. did i do the right thing?
2007-01-01 12:33:02 · update #1
i also told him that he chose alcohol over me and his baby and that drinking is a privilage that he has abused many times and is not responsible enough to drink any more.
2007-01-01 12:34:47 · update #2
oh my, have i been in this situation before. my daughter is 3 now. and i also have a son with him. he was exactly, i mean exactly like yours is. i stayed with him, cuz i loved him, and i wanted my children to have a family, but nobody was happy. i ended up moving out on my own, and i am sooooo much happier. there is no tension. i don't have nobody yelling at me, going through anger spurts. my children are much happier also, without all the fighting. you may love this guy, but are you happy? don't hold yourself back for him. you are capable of many things. trust me, its hard being a single mom raising to kids. but it don't beat happiness. seriously think about the situation and then think about what you want for your baby and yourself. then make a decision. don't allow yourself to be hurt like that. good luck and God bless hun.
2006-12-30 03:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by kayla b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound exactly like a person I once new. I don't know your age, but if it's possible to go home, and separate from him you might be better off. You have to make him believe that, although you love him, you aren't afraid and are very capable of being a single parent. You will not raise your child in an unhappy home. Leave him, and then make him SHOW you that he is willing to work to keep his family. He can hang out with his friends at home, drinking, playing cards, etc. He doesn't have to leave you at home and put himself at risk. If his friends really give a crap, then they will understand and respect his wishes. If he's not respecting you now, at 8 months pregnant, then he might not ever show you the proper respect. But he definitely won't if you do not demand it. People will only do to you what you allow them to do. Be strong for you and your baby. The crying and being upset isn't good for your child. The stress is awful too. Calm down, and just take care of it.
2006-12-30 12:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by 2mom35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the club....When you try to advise a man of something, you're being his mother is what the fools always say....
First of all, you knew what type of man he was before you got pregnant...Sweetheart, men don't change and if he does, it is only temporary.....He is probably hanging out because, he can't get some from you too much or he is just a bum...You do not need to pick his behind up early morning when you're that far along pregnant....
Since he tells you that you're acting like his mother, tell that grown a** man to get himself home...What he goes and parties and gets so drunk and do whatever... Sweetie, no man leaves and not come home and call or comes home that late unless he is sliding up in some one...
Move on with your life because he will not change...That man needs some growing up and taught how to be a father and a real man...
2006-12-30 12:46:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So. Try to accept reality, and try to think to the good of your child. I know it's hard, right now, but time really does cover all the wonds. If you don't want to end up beeing the slave of a drunk person and your kid to become like he, then kick him out, 4ever. Or kick himj out till he comes back that he's changed. Concentrate on your child. Be relaxed, if you worry to much it could affect your child. Ask family, friends help how to end up with this guy. And remember, maybe he is his biological father, but he did this thing in some minutes, while you were with him in a bed. And this is not enough to call him a father. If this guy would love you, he would take care, work for you ad for the child, he won't just go away to drunk himself. There are many associations that help lonely pregnant women, search for them, they could help you in the future. Take care of you and of your baby. This is important now. Its hard for you now, but think of the future! Good luck, I really which you this!
2006-12-30 12:00:23 · answer #4 · answered by asking_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hm, he does not sound like the man for you, i cant give you advice on this, but i can tell you what i would do, i would leave if he didn't talk to me, and if he never told me a thing, he does not seem honest at all, i think you know what i mean to so i dont need to say it, come on girl you are haveing a baby, the greatest gift in life, who cares if the dad is no good, just leave and make you, happy, not him, you dont need the stress and neither does your baby, i no its hard ok, i no, but if you stay, it will be harder, he can still see the baby, but u have to look after yourself, all this worrie and stress is not good for you,alot of man and women do this, im not just saying man, but you will find someone out their, if he cant communicate with you, then yeah, you no what to do, but he may change when the baby arrives, i dont know, sorry i cant be of much help
2006-12-30 11:56:37 · answer #5 · answered by louise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds alot like how my relationship was going with my first child (but mine was worse on so many accounts). I still stayed with him throughout all of his BS. I just expressed to him how I felt and that I wanted to help him through whatever he was going through. We are still together after 7 years and 2 children. Some men act this way to hide their feelings. He knows that the baby will be coming soon and maybe he is worried or anxiuos. Men have a harded time expressing their feelings than we do. Just stick with him if you really love him and think that he is worth it.
2006-12-30 11:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by sariabeauty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the best thing to do is to kick him out and sort some things out of your head. He is going to be a daddy and daddy's should be home with there families. You are allowing him to walk on you like a doormat. If you continue letting him get away with this, then he is just going to get worse when that baby comes. You need to show him that you can do it all by yourself and he is not needed unless he is willing to be like a family.
2006-12-30 16:17:03 · answer #7 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your too good of a person to be in a relationship where your disrespected, and as long as their are no consequences for him, he will just keep doing the same over and over again. he should not be out drinking with friends, he has a drinking problem, i think u need to set some boundaries with him, the boundaries are yours, not his, the boundaries involve what u will stand for out of him in the future, they involve consequences, such as a loss of u and his baby, confront him make it crystal clear what will happen, and next time it happens, show no mercy, kick him out, and don't allow him to return until his actions show his behavior has changed. otherwise what u see is what u get forever. sometimes when confronted men do abandon us, and leave permanently, but is this really the kind of man u want ?
2006-12-30 11:58:02 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time he calls asking for a ride, call his PO and inform them of where he's at and tell them he needs a ride home. Tell him he's right, you're not his mother and you're not putting up with his crap and defending him like a mother would do. Don't kick him out for a few days, kick him out for good.
2006-12-30 12:03:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has serious issues and problems. He is not good boyfriend or father material. He needs to go into alcohol rehab and get anger management counseling if this is going to work. If he refuses, kick him out because it will never work. This is not a good environment to bring up a child. Good Luck!
2006-12-30 11:54:48 · answer #10 · answered by Yahoo Con 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋