Why do some people criticise others when pregnant?

Question

My partners relative was questioning from the time i found out i was pregnant to the time of letting people know, what was wrong with me. I was 6wks when i found out and started telling people at 13wks. She told my partner it was too early as "Something terrible might happen!" I was really annoyed with her (being a mother herself) and her attitude. I think she was annoyed she wasn't told at wk 6 - even thou this would've been too early...Why do people carry on like this and when is the right time to start telling people that you're pregnant???

Answer 1

Hey It sounds to me like she is jelous that she wasn't told right off. As for her saying Something terrible might happen that is just WRONG how could someone say that they should be encouraging and blessing you every step of the way.

Good luck and I think you did the right thing!

Answer 2

The right time to tell people when you are pregnant is ALWAYS your choice. Whether you tell when your are 30 minutes pregnant (lol) or 6 months pregnant is no one's business but your own. I lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage at 10 weeks. I was devastated. I did not want to tell anyone when I was pregnant with my second pregnancy until I had passed the first trimester because I did not want to see the look of pity that people had for me in losing my first child. Since that was a successful pregnancy with my next one I told everyone the minute I found out. It is your choice and the person who said that something terrible might happen is full of it. Just because you told? Well, if you waited until you were on your way to the hospital to deliver your baby something bad might happen too. There are no guarantees in life and because you started telling people at 13 weeks is not going to make something bad happen any more than telling them when you are 40 weeks.

Answer 3

Some people carry on like that no matter what the issue is. They just like to be the center of attention, the one who knows everything first. It frustrates them when they can't be. It's entirely HER problem. Ignore her, she doesn't deserve your attention.

As for the best time to start announcing the pregnancy---it's usually a good rule of thumb to wait until the 3rd month. Up until then there are a lot of things that can happen. After that point, when you've been checked several times, and the doctor has determined the "safety", is plenty of notice for family members. She is right as to "why", but she shouldn't have put it quite that way. If you announce it too early, and the unthinkable does happen, you have to tell your "story" to a lot of people. That can be very painful for you to have to do. Always play your cards close to your chest (especially with her--LOL)

Answer 4

I think you should tell people when you feel comfortable telling them. Generally, people tell parents and others very close to them as soon as they know, because even if something did happen these are the people who would give you emotional support from a miscarriage. However, i wouldn't tell co-workers or causal friends because it would be hard having everyone know if there was a miscarriage. Just try to enjoy your pregnancy...you didn't do anything wrong.

Answer 5

some people say its better if you wait untill the 4th month because your chances of miscarrige drop, but Its really up to you. I decided to wait untill the fourth month because the first time I was pregnant I told everybody the day I found out and miscarriage 2 weeks later, it really sucked having to deal with people feeling sorry for me and treating me like I was going to kill myself or something.
Maybe the person was just worried about you and your health or maybe they just want to take over everything, I went through this with my mom when she started telling all her friends and family I was pregnant like she is the one carrying the kid, it was really annoying.

Answer 6

I don't mean to sound like the voice of doom or anything, but get used to it. If you think your partner's relative is mean/critical/rude now, it will NOT get better once she starts expressing opinions about your mothering ability.

For some reason, most people (women mostly) seem to think pregnancy and child-rearing is a time when they have the right to express their opinions freely, regardless of how rude they are and how inappropriate it is for them to open their mouths. I'm not sure why, but people seem to think it is their right to criticize everything about you and your ability to do what's best for your child.

It's not right, I agree, and I think you have a right to speak up in defense of yourself (I recall asking my mother-in-law if she would feel it was her right to rub my abdomen if I weren't pregnant, and if not, why suddenly she had the right to touch my belly just because a fetus was there).

But it is something I would suggest, from my own experiences, you learn to deal with, since I promise, regardless of what you choose to do, you will almost definately have to deal with critical relatives/friends/coworkers/landladies/random people in the grocery store, deli, or wal-mart.

Answer 7

I didn't tell anyone in the family until I was 22 weeks and with ultrasound pictures. and the excuse for morning sickness, was that I had the flu. Worked like wonders, and if anyone questioned me why I didn't tell them earlier I told them straight out, aren't you happy for me?? if they said yes, then I'd say what's the problem then? Start standing up for yourself and don't let other peoples emotions get in your life because people will notice that and will use it against you, (Especially the Mom in Law)

Answer 8

Some people are really superstitious about telling people too early - that it will cause something bad to happen. I've had several friends that would not announce it until after the first tri-mester. People are weird. Go fiqure.

Answer 9

Whenever you want that person to know that you are pregnant is the right time to share. Sounds like your partner's relative doesn't deserve to know about the next pregnancy until you're too big to hide it anymore. Tell everyone else but her.

Answer 10

It is your chioce when you to tell people. Some people tell everyone when they find out, because they are excited, and some people prefer to wait until they are past the miscarriage risk. Everyone is different and it is up to the person, not prying relatives.
Just ignore the her, it's none of her business when you decided to tell people. If she doesn't like it, she can lump it.