hAVE I REALLY BEEN MOLESTED??

Question

i rmmbr when i was 4 my cousin who around 8-9 was with me alone in the room and he showed me his penis and told me to touch it. . but it dint then he tried to force me to show him my vagina. . i dint cause i rmmbr that i kept tellin him that "imagine ive already done it" but i dint i got really scared. . . .and the second time it happened was when i was at this supermarket and i was staring at this football.. iwanted my dad to buy it for me. . but he dint anyways so i was staring at it n this guy comes up and he pressed me to the counter and starts to fell my breast i dinteven have breasts then but he did touch me in a wrong way. i was only 8!! by the age of 10 i reached the age of puberty. . .my dad never found out. and the third time it happened was when i was 9. thus guy came over and he was wearing sth like a "skirt" but it was open from the side and he was squating i was riding a bicycle with my cousins and me n bro approached him and asked him what he wanted but he dint. . .

understand. . and we left him on his own. . later. . i went upto him again but this time he started to do sth weird with his penis. . and there was sth white comin out of his penis and now i figuredout that he was masturbating in front of me!!!! i feel soo sad to think of me past . . after reading all this do you thing that ive been molested??

Answer 1

i think so.. thats pretty sad... im sorry for you

Answer 2

I'm not sure if I didn't read what the others did, or people are just weird.

What is your definition of molested? In only one story were you touched, and it was in a way, a very rude way, that most people will be touched in their life and keep going on with the day fueming about how rude and perverted that person was.

I don't think you were molested, but you had some creapy close calls. Only the broadest deffinitions would put your experiences under molestation.

The experience when you were 4, if I read it correctly, nothing happened to you. Your cousin acted innapropriately, but you didn't touch him nor were you touched. No molestation, just an 8 year old who hasn't learned appropriate boundaries and was curious, and a 4 year old who was shown something she didn't want to be but escaped being touched inapropriately. Traumatiing?Really shouldn't be.

THe incident in the supermarket is the closest that comes to actual molestation. Again it isn't something huge. YOu were in a grocary store, so I assume this lasted a few seconds; and may not have been intentional. People fail to notice little kids, smash them into counters, and take the liberty of moving them along as if their cattle. They don't even notice what part of your upper body they are touching when they push you along. Frankly, most healthy people take an 8 year old as an androginous creature and don't regard the chest, unless cupped or carressed, as an erogenous zone.

It could have been intentional. Even so, it doesn't come to the severity a normal person would consider molestation. It was inapropriate to an awful degree if intentional; but most humans will have someone grab their bottom or their chest inapropriately in their lifetime. It's not Molestation.

Another thing you need to thnk about is how accurate is whether your memory makes what happened bigger than it was. It is fairly unlikey a little girl was sexually assaulted in a busy grocary store. It is fairly likely a sensitive 8 year old was touched rudely for about one second and felt weird about it; but the guy who did it had no thrill or desire to get a thrill from what happened.

The last thing also was extremely weird, probably disgusting, but the man never touched you. YOu saw a crazy homeless guy masturbating. You may have just escaped being Molested, but you weren't.

If the first and the last one are Molestation, I have undergone Homosexual molestation every week for two years by this weird guy in sweat pants who hangs out in the parking lot of my apartment.

Answer 3

Hi. Well molestation is anything from lude language to exposure, to full out rape, so yes according to what you said you have. I think it would be great for you to speak with someone in more detail about some of the stuff you were inappropriately exposed to and just get it "off your chest."

If there are guilt and shame issues they can really spiral into obstructive behaviors and attitudes and left unchecked it can cause you some serious problems later.

So find someone you can trust and talk about it. The good news is that it's a process and it does come to an end and you can return to normalcy, a healthy self esteem ultimately a better life.

This is a link that has some very factual info that I'm sure will be useful in the mean time

http://www.troubledwith.com/AbuseandAddiction/SexualAbuse.cfm

Just click the link

Hope this helps. Hit me if you need to.

Answer 4

Yes, in the sense that you were touched inappropriately. However, "molestation" doesn't automatically mean that you're scarred for life. You can make of it anything you want. Here's a book that might help: "What You Can Change and What You Can't" by Martin Seligman, M.D. He has a whole chapter on events in a child's life. He says that single events don't really change you, but it's important how others treat it. If people made a huge fuss and talked about you like you were damaged, that would affect you a lot more. You can make of it anything you choose, it doesn't have to affect you.

Answer 5

It depends on your age and if you consented. If you were an adult, and felt you had a choice (you weren't going to lose your job, or be beaten or killed), and consented, then I'd say you weren't technically abused.

But if you were a minor, the age at which the law presumes a person has the physical, emotional and sexual maturity to make an informed adult decision to enter into sexual activity differs from country to country, state to state. So even if you gave your consent, if you were a minor, in many places what happened to you would be labeled sexual abuse.

Your cousin was older than you, so that was inappropriate sexual contact, especially since you didn't want to be touched, and said so! The first adult fondled you, which in many states would be a type of sexual crime, especially since you were under age 16, and could not give your consent (it would be a crime if committed against an adult as well in many states).

The second adult performed a sexual act in front of you, and in most states this would be considered a crime, even if you were an adult! So the second adult definitely committed a crime, since you were also underage as well, and could not give consent.

Unfortunately, these adults have probably committed these crimes against hundreds of children. Since pedophiles are sexually attracted to children, they often get away with their sexual crimes since they are adults, and are automatically an authority figure to children. In addition, just like any adult, these actions would frighten you, and make you want to pretend they didn't happen to you.

The main thing is, do you feel that you were exploited? Do you have symptoms of sexual abuse that are affecting your life? Such as: depression, anxiety, obsession, compulsion?
Or : flashbacks, nightmares, emotional numbing, social/sexual problems, hypervigilance, memory loss, additions?

I know many people who have been sexually abused (usually by family members and family friends), and the most common thing victims and their families do is minimize what happened to the victim. Unfortunately, some of the people who've answered your question have also done the same thing.

Women are more likely to view what happened to you as sexual abuse. If you were male, men might label these events as "sexual play" or "sexual initiation", but I think men don't like to admit that they can be exploited as children (or as adults), since it's not socially acceptable. If you'd been my kid, I would have labeled what happened to you as sexual abuse and would have done everything I could to get the guys thrown into jail. Who knows how many lives these men has messed up, if they did this to you in a public place where they could be easily caught?

If you're experiencing any of the symptoms listed above, or just need to talk to someone about what happened to you, who won't be judgemental or minimize what happened to you, please contact one of the rape/sexual abuse hotlines or links below (they can also direct you to free counseling centers near where you live)

I'm so sorry these events happened to you...you are not alone..estimates in the US for sexual abuse: 1 in 5 girls are sexually abused by the time they are 18, usually by a family member or family friend (per the US Department of Justice).

Answer 6

well i have been molested. but my parents or any family members know either. once i went with some close close friends which were almost like family when i was about 12 or 13 and i don't remember exactly how it happened but they found out and my brother was there and they made me tell him and the thing was that it was my own uncle. i dont know if my brother remebers but i will never forget like about 10 months ago i told my boyfriend about it. it was very hard and embarrassing.he would rub his genitals all over me and touch me and show me videos on how to do him sexual favors like oral sex.

Answer 7

Oh my honey - you have been molested but on the face value you are lucky that it was not worse... I mean it could get a lot worse and you have to thakful for that so try to work out your isues (if you have any) also try to get a therapist b'coz this kinda stuff can leave a child some scars... Maybe you won't notice them now but maybe when u get married and things you have commiment issues for example...
get some help even if u feel its unnecessary... it just helps to talk to someone who u know isn't judging you...

Answer 8

Unless you're having really bad feelings about these events, I think you've just experienced what most kids experience - games of 'let's show me yours and I'll show you mine' and people trying to touch too intimately. It happens to almost everybody and (while I don't want to put you down at all, not at all) it doesn't fall into the same category as repeated incest or other kinds of invasive molestation.

So, much depends on how you yourself feel about the occasions. You oughtn't to feel any guilt because these were initiatied by other people and, as I said, were initiated by other people. Only if the thoughts are really obsessing you and making you feel bad about yourself would I recomment that you talk to a counsellor; otherwise it's just what happens to kids at that sort of age and most of us learn to laugh it off because it's so very common and rarely causes harm.

Hope that helps - withougt making you feel 'put down,' because that wasn't my intent.

Answer 9

I would say that the first incident with your cuz that it was borderline. Inappropriate-Yes!. As for the weirdo in the grocery store that is called in technical terms aggravated sexual assualt. Finally the man that mastubated in front of you. was also sexually assualted you.Rape and all of that stuff happens alot. If it made you uncomfortable and you were not agreeing then you were violated.

Answer 10

in some of this story you have been .
the fact is it is all in the past and now you are older you know when something like this happens you dont have to put up with it .
as far as the stuff with your cousin i would say that is just children be children not good children but kids none the less.

Answer 11

It does sound like you've been molested, though it doesn't sound like a regular thing, thank god.

You should really talk to your parents about this, if you have any issues that are under the surface the best thing you can do is talk about it.

Good luck