I dont know how to do this on my own. I am a first timer, 26, smart, proffesional, and apparently made a bad choice by choosing him. Thankfully i will have a beautiful child from him. He is 27 and still chooses to drink and smoke pot, he cant hold a job. I tried to help him (not change him) but it went unappreciated. He screwed me financially, messed up my credit, now im stuck cleaning up his mess. He'd rather party than be responsible. But my question is, how am i going to be able to do this all on my own. I am scared. This is not what i pictured for my life. I conemplated abortion, but i cant do that. I never believed in that. I wouldnt be able to live with myself. This baby is a Gift! How do women get through this? I dont know any single moms that have had to do it on their own since pregnancy, please...help!
2006-12-30 03:03:36 · 26 answers · asked by hotmama2929 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Hi Shellie,
It sounds like you'll be better off without him! know it's not the perfect scenario, but you CAN do it! He would only drag you down! You'll be a better and stronger person. Someday, you'll look back and wonder how you even questioned it! I know it's hard to believe, but I've been there and know what you're going through!
Best of luck yo you! Stay strong!
2006-12-30 03:10:22 · answer #1 · answered by lisa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. I was 23 when I got pregnant with my now almost 5 year old daughter. Her father sounds quite a bit like yours. I did my best to keep it together, but he was around for maybe 1 month of my preganacy. He even ended up in treatment for drug overdose. He found a new girlfriend when I was about 8 months along, and refused to go to childbirth classes or basically have anything to do with me. I had my aunt become my labor coach, and my parents were an incredible support system. I also considered abortion, but due to personal beliefs I could not do it. I had 24 hour morning sickness for 6 months of my pregnancy, and I won't lie. It was tough doing it on my own. But so worth it. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is an intelligent beautiful child, and I take pride in the fact that, even though I did everything on my own. It is tough, and lonely, but the first time your child smiles at you, it will feel worth all the stress. If you feel overwhelmed, I suggest some therapy. I did when he got a new girlfriend, and it did help me. The downside is as your child gets older you have to be both the disiplinarian and the comforter. But you alone will be responsible for all of your childs many accomplishments. You'll feel great.
When my daughter was 2, I met a wonderful man who I am now engaged to. He accepts my daughter, and loves her as his own. In fact, I found out last week I am pregnant with our child.
Things might seem impossible right now, but just be brave. Don't be afraid to cry, and remember...you are not alone. There are others out there who have done the same thing.
2006-12-30 03:17:24 · answer #2 · answered by aj28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW I'm a so happy that you didn't choose abortion. You can do this you really can you don't need that kind of man in your life or so called father that's 27 that acts like he is 18. Hunny there are so many different programs out there that can help you don't worry and you have your friends and family. If I was you I would be happy right now that he is out of my life then in it. You are pregnant and you don't need all that stress that he would put on you . You need to relax take one day at a time enjoy your pregnancy who cares I know its hard but your having a BABY. Also this is very easy for me to say who cares about your fiancee up and leaving you but you never know he might wake up and realize he made the biggest mistake of his life. Good luck sweetie and be happy your having a baby. That first little kick you feel will make you so happy and make you forget about all the bad stuff.
2006-12-30 03:39:43 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't trip....It's hard but you can do it. I did some 28 years ago when they didn't have very many programs to help a woman in this situation. I applaud you for taking on the responsibility and giving this child life. First off you make sure that you go after the a**hole for the baby. Make him be responsible whether he wants to or not. If you don't know anybody who has done this before, do a search and look for support groups. They got all kinds and you have access to them through the magic of your computer. You realize that you are better off without this bum so that's a good thing. I chose to leave my baby's father after he got put in jail and was doing drugs,etc. (nothing you want your baby around) He never changed and the last I heard was a "beach bum".
I feel bad for you but you really are better off without him. You do not need to take care of 2 children. You have something that other women in this position did not and do not have and that is a career. You have the financial ability to care for your child. I had to go back to school after my child was old enough. I used to think this way: It's you and your baby against the world. Love yourself and be careful who is around you and now YOUR child and be strong.
2006-12-30 03:17:50 · answer #4 · answered by lcsotter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father of my son walked out on me when I was 4 months pregnant. I was only 19 at the time. I have done it on my own since then. He is now 23 and the best son a person could hope for. You will be able to do it on your own and it is not as hard as you think it will be. In some ways it was a lot easier. You are right, the baby is a gift and an exceptional one at that. You will not know what you did with your life before your baby came along. Do you have family near you at all?? I did it without my family because of certain circumstances but I do not regret one minute of it. Yes you do have your bad times and your hard times, but you just have to remember that you are stronger than you think and you can do it. The hardest part I found was when my son decided he wanted to know his dad. I did not lie to him and told him that I would support and help him as much as possible to find him. We did and now he knows why I kept him away from him. His dad is not much different to what you are describing. He has not changed either. My son and I now have a very close bond and don't think that will ever be broken.
Good luck with it all, and just remember to breath and you can do it.
2006-12-30 03:16:39 · answer #5 · answered by k1e9r6r3y 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not alone. From the sound of it, you and your baby will be much better off without him in your life. If you think he has screwed you already, imagine what he will do to your child. Take measures to protect your self and your child first. This guy is a habitual sociopath if he is leaving you and continuing to be an *** while you are pregnant. That's not a real man. That's a spoiled little boy.
I know it will be hard to be without him and I'm sure you will struggle with feeling you may still have for him. Think about your baby first ALWAYS. Financially, it will be hard, but there are assistance programs in every state that help single mothers and their babies. WIC is one program. Make sure you work through FIA if money is a problem. This statement is not solely about money, but I have to strongly suggest you ask for child support through the court right away. You don't need the added burden of chasing after him for the money he should be giving his baby, let the court chase him. Even if he doesn't have a job right now, he will eventually have one they will attach his payments to. They will also send you his tax returns when he is behind.
Don't be too proud to let your family and friends help you either. Remember it's not for you, it's for your baby. If you stay on the right path to remain independent of this guy and are a good mother, those close to you will be happy to help you.
I send you all my support and love for you and your baby. This may be the hardest thing you ever do, but you will find it was all worth it when you look at your baby safe and warm in your arms, who trusts you to care for him or her completely and who looks at you with love.
2006-12-30 03:37:54 · answer #6 · answered by onlyupfrmhere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact Rite to Life organization. They give women tests, council, and I am an active member. They run drives like, "Gifts for baby Jesus" where people donate clothes, babyfoods, etc. If you sought help there, you can recieve some help financially as well as spiritually. 1 out of 4 women with children are single, so if they can do it, you should believe that you can too. If Rite to Life doesnt work, google pro-life organizations. I wish you good luck and a Happy New Year. Remember your not alone in the world and though it may seem like a punishment, your baby will be a wonderful gift.
2006-12-30 03:09:32 · answer #7 · answered by Audrey Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are smart and professional then you can do it. Check out some books from the library on being a single parent. It is not easy doing it on your own, but you can do it if you really want it. Just a word of warning though. A lot of women (without realizing it) will resent a child from an ex lover (especially if the baby looks like him). It sounds like you are thinking things through though and are mature enough to know it will not be easy. If you decide that you do not want to keep his baby there are a lot of loving homes who would love to take the baby. Just be in touch with your feelings and don't feel guilty about the way you feel. You must acknowledge them before you can work through them.
2006-12-30 03:19:26 · answer #8 · answered by icunurse85 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad news, huh? I'd say it was GOOD NEWS. Get a lawyer PDQ and have him file a paternity suit on your behalf. Since we NOW have DNA testing, he can't escape into oblivion. Whether you end up with him or not, you have two main concerns: The baby and $$$. Your doctor will take care of the former and the law will take care of the latter, per child support. You might want to contact Family Services as well. Many benefits available. GOOD LUCK ... and have an enjoyable pregnancy. There's help out there and plenty of it. My post should get you started in the right direction. Noone in America is alone unless he/she chooses to be. Never forget that. (Don't beg that turkey to stay. You're too good for him)
HAPPY NEW YEAR
HANK (Josh)
2006-12-30 03:16:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I cannot really offer help, but maybe a little encouragement. Right now, things are crazy. But you can do this. It will be hard at times, but the payoff is so worth it! I recommend signing up at babycenter.com. They have lots of mesage boards with some really great ladies dealing with a multitude of situations. I know for a fact there is one for single moms. You can get great advice and lots of encouragement. I am still in contact with several ladies I "met" there during my pregnancy 2 1/2 years ago. Also, remember that the father still has a responsibility to this baby. You may ultimately decide that you want nothing to do with him, but you can take him to court to get child support. Don't decide too quickly - babies are expensive and you may need that extra money. Good luck, you and your little one will be fine.
2006-12-30 03:13:52 · answer #10 · answered by Shannon L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can go to a health clinic where they will be able to give you all the help they can. Once the baby is born, be sure you get child support from this a**wipe. He has to pay you, even if he doesn't have the money to. If he doesn't pay you, you can sue for backed child support, and he will not be able to get a new house, car and many other things with that on his record.
Once the baby comes, everything will seem much easier. Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends or your parents. I am sorry you are so scared. My sister is going through the same thing, and she is being a wonderful mother.
2006-12-30 03:08:14 · answer #11 · answered by Casey B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋