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my gf had a relation when she was 16 and it was her cousin. after 3 years she broke up when she knew that they were doing wrong. now she is 21 and we are in relationship for 6 months.she promised me that he is outta her life and they never talked after that.but last week, they started talking again as she says that now she thinks him as cousin only. but i dont like this guy becos i think he was trying to take advantage over her when she was immatured and i want her to keep him away from our life. we had a fight regarding this. and both of us are hurt and having some clouds between us. i would like to hear what you people say. i know that she is loving me only. but can't see him as her cousin, but her guileful ex. Is it my problem? i dont wanna lose her.

2006-12-30 02:55:12 · 10 answers · asked by idlewild 1 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

10 answers

Thas normal to feel this way. You aren't going to lose her, you feel this way because you care for her. Watch him, and let him know that you'll kick his @$$, if he ever does anything inappropriate to her. Stop worrying, you'll be just fine.

2006-12-30 03:00:12 · answer #1 · answered by Chey 3 · 1 0

Bear in mind that these two, regardless of the fact that their related, had feelings for each other, and being together for 3 years means that they were serious.
So i want you to realise that just because she only sees him as a cousin now, doesn't mean her feelings for him have completely gone.
I can understand the frustration, and you did the right thing by talking to them about this, obviously it didn't go as planned, but things are never as easy as planned.
You're just gunna have to trust your gf that nothing will happen between them, you can't stop them from contacting each other, their family, unfortunately.
You've done all you can do, and you can try talking to him privately but whether he would listen i have no idea.
I understand you don't wanna loose her, but you've really gotta try and make sure it doesn't become your problem too much. Shes been there and done that with him, if she doesn't to be with him again and understands that it was wrong then just trust her word on that.

2006-12-30 03:04:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I think the cousin thing has nothing to do with it. You should approach the situation exactly the same as if it was with any other, non related, ex boyfriend. However, it is legal for cousins to marry in England at least! so she wasn't really doing anything wrong by being with him in the first place.

She should be very open with you when dealing with this guy, and make sure that you have no reason to worry. You should be included if they go anywhere together as if not, given the history, it would be bad etiquette.

From your side, you need to trust her and stay off her case unless you have genuine reason to feel that he is a problem to her and you. You should also not go over their past relationship as that was their business and whether or not you were suspicious of his motives, it was a choice she made in her past and isn't really any of your business.

2006-12-30 03:09:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Love is built on trust, if you don't trust what your girlfriend is saying then unfortunately your relationship is doomed.

It is possible for ex's to be friends, countless couples become friends after a divorce and I have been to the weddings of 2 of my ex's and they to mine.

If this boy is her cousin then there are going to be many occasions in the future where their paths cross at family gatherings etc.,it is far better that your girl has told you about her past and that both her and her cousin are both friends again now, rather than there be secrets or an atmosphere when you are all together.

You say that he took advantage of her when she was immature, it is now your turn to prove to her that you are mature - leave their relationship where it belongs - in the past.

They have both moved on - in all probability he will have someone new in his life - she has chosen you, she could have moped about and waited hoping he would go back to her - she didnt.

Go out, buy her a big bunch of flowers, tell her you've been a jerk and get that romance back on track for a new start - New Year.

Good luck

2006-12-30 03:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by PMF 2 · 0 0

I understand your feelings, and I guess I would certainly react the same way if I were in your shoes.
However, your girlfriend possibly sees that as you not trusting her and she rebels against it.
Of course you cannot conviniently forget about the past and now see him as her cousin; It's just like you said, a previous boyfriend who she still cares about but doesn't love anymore, since she loves you and wants you.
So, try and have a chat about it with her.
You need to trust her, AND, be HER boyfriend.
*Just make sure you agree on some rules about him.
That should be very helpful for both of you.
Good luck.

2006-12-30 03:08:09 · answer #5 · answered by Kc 6 · 0 0

I would say that she needs you support so even though you are not happy about it I would always be there when she need you.
By you two fighting I think the cousin is getting what he wants. (you two break up he might have a chance again) Dont argue with her about it just be there for her.

2006-12-30 02:59:22 · answer #6 · answered by arlcarb 2 · 0 0

This is a very common thing in growing up years. Dont think of it at all. The infatuation time has passed. it will not come back again, so forget it. Trust her and you will have a wonderful time.

2006-12-30 03:01:57 · answer #7 · answered by ANU U 5 · 0 0

I'd cut her loose. She has some incest issues.
Stop dating Vicky Pollardites and date someone off a council estate.

2006-12-30 03:19:41 · answer #8 · answered by Ministry of Camp Revivalism 4 · 0 0

dude i don't like it either, but he is her cousin if they are that close and she tells u that she thinks of him just like a family member than u should give her the benefit of the doubt.

2006-12-30 03:03:11 · answer #9 · answered by ivelisse 5 · 0 0

he is her past....she is with you now...dont worry about it

2006-12-30 03:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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