my husband, myself and two sons are going away for the weekend at easter.
the problem is my mum makes me feel guilty if i don't ask her to come to.
we took her away with us 2 yrs ago and it was a nightmare, she spent the whole week moaning about money,we went for a drink on the first night she said " let me get these, it's my last tenner "!
this was within 2 hrs of arriving ! so obviosly my husband got the drinks along with all the drinks all week . we also paid for any meals and admission into various places all week.
but what my husband didn't realise was that she was buying herself fags each day ! ( but she had no money left !)
we asked her to come last year and she said yes, then 2 days before we were due to leave she changed her mind as she had no money !!!
my husband says there is no way he wants to take her again this year and i can understand it, but i know she will make me feel guilty.
are we being selfish ?my sister has never taken her anywhere
2006-12-30 02:36:20 · 33 answers · asked by sarebeardragon 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the other thing i forgot was that on the last day of the last holiday she actually brought both of my boys a bottle of drink each !!
when we got back she was telling my sister how she spoilt the boys all week !!!!!
i can put my hand on my heart and say that the drinks where the only thing she brought them.
also both of the boys are saying that they don't really want her to come, but they will accept it if i say she is going.
bless them !!!
but i honestly can't think of my sister ever taking her anywhere, the last time she went away she had a 4 bed cottage for herself, her husband and 12month old baby !!!
so i think i am going to stop feeling guilty
2006-12-30 02:58:13 · update #1
Explain to mom that you, your husband and sons need this time to relax together. But I would do other things with her like taking her out for dinner or to the park with the family for the day. You aren't being selfish. I find myself paying for road trips all of the time and it gets frustrating and expensive.
2006-12-30 02:41:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish. You have your own family that you need to spend quality time with and with NO distractions. Do not feel guilty if you don't ask her to go, and furthermore do not let her try to put a guilt trip about not having the money. If it comes up, just tell her that this trip is for you, your husband and kids only and that you are going to spend the time together. Just because you arent taking her, doesn't mean you don't love her. Everyone needs their own time away whether it is with your immediate family or even alone. Maybe you can plan a day or two trip for the two of you even...That way she has your undivided attention.
2006-12-30 02:44:03 · answer #2 · answered by bryan c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish your mother is. You have your own family now. And, it seems you mother doesn't have the money to go on vacation. Why should you pay for everything? And don't buy into the guilt it's her way of manipulating you into bring her. Stop buying her guilt. She has probably tried to make you feel guilty your whole life. Time to stop it. People who use guilt to get what they want in life are sick and selfish people. Mother or not she is being self seving. When she trys to lay on the guilt just say I'm sorry you feel that way. If she continues to push tell her how you really feel. If she can't take the truth so be it. Move on with your family and have fun this time. Good luck
2006-12-30 02:45:05 · answer #3 · answered by Rosa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally believe you are not being selfish. You sound like a really sweet daughter. You are concerned and that is great really.
I think that you could tell your mother, I wonder what my sister is doing for the holiday? Why don't you ask her and let me know? It gets your mother to talk to your sister, and maybe even ask her to tag along with HER. Sneaky it seems yes, but there is nothing wrong with doing that.
I am sorry to say, once the children have grown up and got on with thier own lives, ( with all due respect ) they are no longer at thier parent(s) every call. Yes you respect your parent(s) but you DO NOT HAVE to take your mother along.
Good luck with whatever comes out of this, and have a great day!
2006-12-30 03:01:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish - tell your sister it is her turn. I'm afraid your mother likes you to pay for everything. If she wants to go on holiday the answer is simple - she should give up smoking (I think I can hear her already saying ' but it's mi only bit of pleasure'). When you get back take her out for a couple of nice meals or odd days out (well spread out over a couple of months). But stop feling guilty - there is no need.
2006-12-30 02:47:25 · answer #5 · answered by D B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes its necessary to be 'selfish' otherwise you and your family would not have quality time together. By allowing her to manipulate you into feeling guilty she's the one who's being selfish.
Explain how important it is that you go away with your husband and children for this weekend, and that you're sure there will be other opportunities for a holiday with her. And please don't feel guilty, you owe it to yourself and your family to have a couple of days away on your own, sure thing
2006-12-30 02:50:56 · answer #6 · answered by Kate J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes old folks make one feel guilty for various reasons - from being insecure themselves to demanding attention and they will go through any lengths to get it. You have to sympathise with her as she is old and she is asking for her needs to be met.You are being very patient with her and seem to be doing an excellent job at tolerating her. so take a break and ...try asking your sis to take her out this time....also ask your mum if she'd mind going out with your sis for a change....She needs to make decisions too and so this would allow her to give her a sense of worth. It's the least you can do for her....don't feel guilty about anything, especially when you already know her so well. Don't make her issue to be yours...good luck!
2006-12-30 03:08:34 · answer #7 · answered by singirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you are being selfish but can understand your feeling that way.you have your family and families want to literally 'get away from it all' and that unfortunately means the rest of your family too,,i have to say the majority of people do not take their parent(s) away with them .all you can do is say you are going just the four of you,can you not spin the truth a tad and say it is an inclusive deal for four people sharing accommodation or something similar,,2 rooms 3 beds so to speak,,try not to acknowledge her guilt trip,,if you can get away with it pretend not to even pick up on the hints she gives.at the end of the day you have your own family and have to be there for them and you and your husband need holiday time to recharge your batteries and play with the kids,,it is what families do.
2006-12-30 02:46:23 · answer #8 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a good and caring daughter, unfortunately, your Mother takes advantage of that. No, you should not feel guilty about not taking your Mother with you and your family on vacation. If you still feel guilty after your trip. You can always take your Mom out to lunch or spend the day with her, just the two of you.
2006-12-30 02:45:22 · answer #9 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a family holiday, and sometimes that means excluding your mum, and shes gunna have to accept that!
If shes having money problems then shes gunna have to do something constructive about it rather than moaning about it, because complaining about it won't get her anywhere.
You shouldn't feel guilty, you've got your own life now, and that doesnt nessessarily including your mum on everything you do together.
Your sister hasn't done it so theres no reason why you can't either.
2006-12-30 02:44:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋