The stress and depression come from the fact that I have no one to turn to except for my b/f, but he lives in another town, so I don't see him as often as i'd like. I'm 17 years old and I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. I constantly hear my parents saying that homosexuals will burn in hell for being the way they are. It hurts me so much to hear them say that because they're pretty much talking to me, but they don't know. I don't want to come out to someone who is so against what I am. What can I do? How can I resolve this? I know I can't help being gay, because I didn't wake up one day and say "I think i'm going to be gay for the rest of my life", because I sure didn't. People don't know how hard it is dealing with this, it is so tough. I really need some advice. Please don't be rude to me, that's the last thing I need. Thanks.
2006-12-30 02:23:06 · 18 answers · asked by josh.isaiah 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Oh Honey--This is tough! You did say that you can't not help being gay so you may want to stop resisting it-"I shouldn't be feeling like this." Also realize it is very normal to feel stressed out and depressed because you know that you may have a conflict or two coming your way very soon. I commend you for trying to talk to someone even if it is through Yahoo Answers! Realize that you have many people in the world who know how you are feeling and have great advice to give you because they have been through it too! It sounds like those people are difficult to find right now (maybe you live in a small town) but they are numerous in other parts of the world---big cities like Chicago have neighborhoods where mostly gay people live. Also I wouldn't come out to my parents now if I was afraid they might kick me out onto the street. But your 17--work towards getting on your own. Then you might want to talk to your parents, and they may come around in the future--you never know!! Look at it this way--You have a lot of great choices to make for the future and a lot of information to find out! For example, do you want to move to a big city and live in a gay neighborhood? Do you like certain types of gay men--bears, you might want to try leather--who knows? But I can tell you that the world is your oyster, you can do with it what you want. Also you might want to look at talking to someone about feeling depressed--especially if you feel so depressed that you might be thinking about suicide. One there are area crisis lines to help with this and they are confidential and two many counseling centers will counsel teens for free and not tell your parents but you need to call and ask. These centers don't usually have caller id so they won't know who you are. (non-profits have no money.) Good luck and I know that it is difficult now but it really can get better!
2006-12-30 10:12:50 · answer #1 · answered by shamrock5858 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The people who called you gay didn't make you gay. You're gay because you are gay. You say you had feelings for men, were they only in a sexual way or do you fall in love with them? If you fall in love with guys, then you are gay. If you only want to have sex with men, then you might not be gay. There's a reason you stopped liking girls and realized you like guys. You may try to live a heterosexual life, but you know and I know, there will always be that attraction for men. Whatever you do, don't get involved with a woman, get married, have kids, then out of the blue, say I'm really gay after all. Then you leave her and your kids to go and finally live your life. When I was younger, I used to like girls too, until I realized I liked guys. Then I realized that it meant I was gay. There's no way I could be attracted to a woman now. That story you read about the guy who went to hell sounds like propaganda. Nobody has been to hell. Don't let it influence who you are.
2016-03-29 00:53:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I would offer for advice is this:
Find a support group in your area, or a Gay / Straight alliance group, or something where you can talk to and interact with people like yourself.
Perhaps, if you are Christian, you could find a more supportive church. Some UCC Churches are "Open and Affirming' now, and recognize that being gay isn't a matter of choice.
Staying alone will lead to depression. You have no way of getting outside of your own head. Please find someone to talk to. Check with your guidance counselor at school, they might have an idea regarding local resources. Groups like PFLAG and others are around; just do some looking.
2006-12-30 02:43:53 · answer #3 · answered by Deirdre H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will NOT burn in hell for being gay, no doubts about this. If you will, well, you will have to wait for your turn, because there is a V E R Y long Queue ...
Just live your life the best you can, sure that your sexual orientation won't change who you were, before acknowledging it.
Believe me, any gay man/woman knows how hard it is dealing with this at this stage, and you will have to learn how to deal with it for the rest of your life.
Try to calm down and to keep things in their proper perspective. Try to not be so urgent about things -- it's not the end of the world, and there will be plenty of time to come out to people, so, easy does it! Take things one step at a time, my friend.
Have a happy life!
2006-12-30 02:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by Kedar 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet may be to talk to someone at your local gay/straight alliance or PFLAG chapter, and preferably from a similar background to yours. Culture can have a huge influence on how you are perceived, and a culturally appropriate discussion of how you may go about coming out to your parents could make all the difference.
If they are religious (I'm assuming Christian in this case,) remind them that Jesus commanded them to love all people, regardless of race, creed, color, sex or sexual orientation. Wasn't Jesus the one who was among the people everyone else thought would "burn in hell"--the prostitutes, the lepers, you name it. Like one person said before, there are open and affirming churches that believe in this wholeheartedly. There are also many straight allies you can turn to, which widens your support structure if something goes awry.
I hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend too. Distance can be difficult, that's for sure.
2006-12-30 03:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by Danagasta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first and foremost, Congrats that you finally realized that you are gay and to some extent accepted it. As far as parents go you need to realize that they hold those views because they think homosexuals are the "other." It is easy to discriminate against some one if it is some one they don't know. But they might change their views, maybe after a looooong time, or they might not.
As for coming out, you don't have to tell them right away. You could lay low. Unless you are financially independent and are able to support your self, I would recommend not telling them just now.
You might wanna check the pflag website and read through their pamphelets and articles before you do any thing. It could be helpful.
www.pflag.org
Good luck man, and remember this life is too short to be unhappy.
P.S. To people who think you don't need to come out. One doesn't need to come out when one is a heterosexual because every one already assumes that you are.
2006-12-30 02:46:59 · answer #6 · answered by Sui Generis 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be PROUD of yourself and enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend. Although the gay life isn't easy, you owe it to YOURSELF to enjoy your life and respect yourself. Gay is NOT a choice despite what the foolish believe. Gay is by nature and that is the hand we were dealt, just as straight people were dealt their cards, too. It is NOT an illness or a defect that needs 'working on.' Try to ignore the bible beaters! They usually try forcing their beliefs on everyone else, so just stay firm! YOU have to like who you see in the mirror, so just be true to yourself. Nobody else has to live your life but YOU, so don't worry if anyone doesn't approve - you don't need anyone's approval! Many straight people don't understand the coming out process, and God doesn't prevent or change anyone from being gay. LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE, DARLING - and WELCOME ABOARD.
2006-12-30 02:26:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One question, who told you that you are gay? Do you marked yourself? Or other people say you are?
Don't be discouraged, you are only 17 and still looking for a identity for yourself. Many youth among this age are confused by what their feelings telling them.
"I like guys, I'm attracted to the same sex" etc is a normal question for them. The fact is when you like someone of the same sex doesn't makes you a gay. Don't be deceived by your emotion.
Try to talk to someone you can trust and maybe older than you cause they have more experiences. Or you can find help in the professional counseling.
First, workout your emotions (stress and depression). Then, find a way to deal with your root cause.
Be cool, God still in control IF you let Him to.
2006-12-30 03:07:00 · answer #8 · answered by wings 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, it's very hard to deal with, especially with parents that preach ignorance. I was terrified at your age too and while I have a WONDERFUL Mother, I had a step-father at the time who said he'd kill me if he found out I was gay. He's gone and I'm still here... There's no law or time-limit on telling your parents, just don't take their fear-based-rantings as being directed towards you, and be thankful you have someone you really care about. It will get easier, trust me.
2006-12-30 02:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by david f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel brought down by their words to you! I grew up in the same environment and I know what you are going through!
Your parents love you. They may go through a time of anger or frustration but please remember that they will love you in the end.
It may take some time (could be longer than you want) but they will eventually come to know that God loves you so they should not fear for you or your soul.
I hope you are blessed in this struggle and always remember that the God you were raised to have faith in still has faith in you. He created you the way you are and he did not make a mistake. Take care and comfort in Him and I hope your "b/f" can share some encouragement with you through this hard time.
2006-12-30 02:38:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋