What would you give me on my senior theme?

Question

http://www.geocities.com/robertpolito/senior_theme.htm

Answer 1

See my edits...

Upon graduating from high school, I would like to become a Professional Digital Photographer. I chose this career path because I find it so interesting to caputure people in photographs doing regular, every day things in their own environment. Being able to capture that one single moment in time inspires me. A moment that passes in a blink of an eye, or a shutter of a camera, lives on for all eternity.

Professional Digital Photoraphers take digital photographs of people, places, objects and events, using a variety of digital cameras, photo lenses, lighting equipment, and other high tech props. The job requires the artistic ability to view a photo and add enhancements such as digitally altering or manipulating images to the client's specifications. This career choice would require advertising, appointment scheduling, traveling to different locations for photo shoots, editing and publishing, and meeting all the deadlines.

In my opinion, the travel would be one of the more positive benefits of this job. Traveling to different locations and seeing new places makes the job very exciting. Salaries vary, however. I have learned that the salary could range from $14,000 to more than $51,960 per year. Salaries depend on the employer and the employee's experience. Although not a requirement for the job, it would be helpful to intern with an experienced photographer.

When considering this career you should take certain classes in high school to develop background experience. Art, English, and a Language (e.g, Spanish) will provide much needed skills. Volunteering to work on the school yearbook is also a plus. These classes will help you to see if you will really like doing this career before you get into it. Art classes are especially helpful. It takes a lot of creativity when setting up a shot. Other classes such as digital photography are very important. These classes will teach you photo manipulation and other techniques. Computer classes and business classes will also be helpful when preparing for this career.

I have been getting some background experience during high school taking photographs for both the "Tuesday Morning" and "The Maroon and Gray" newspapers. I’ve also developed skills using many new techniques in my Digital Photography class. These skills include improving the appearance of a photograph by eliminating unwanted blemishes, molds, red eye, and many other tricks to help improve my photographs.

After high school, formal education requirements depend on a photographer's area of specialty. Although a college degree is not always necessary, it would be a benefit to complete. There are many aspects of digital photography that are available on a college level. Computer courses would be very helpful in this career choice.

Other requirements to be successful in this line of work are haivng good manual dexterity, sharp eye sight, keen color vision, and an artistic ability.

If you choose to be a freelance photographer or a self-employed photographer, you would also need very good business skills. You would have to be able to manage a studio, which would include hiring employees, keeping records and maintaining photos and files. There is also marketing and sales skills to be a successful freelance photographer. It is also very important to have a great portfolio to present to potential employees. This could make a big difference in whether you get the job or not. People like to see what kind of work you do and if it is what they are looking for in their photos.

Photography has been an interest of mine since I was a very young boy. My sister would always be taking photos of me and my family. She would also take pictures of still life and develop them herself sometimes. The photos were always fun to look at and she would always take time to tell me about how she developed them or what filters she used to get certain affects. She would also take a lot of black and white photos and sometimes develop the photographs in both color and black and white. It was really interesting to see how color or lack of color could change the whole feel of the photos. Being exposed to photography at such a young age has made a big impact on my life. Although my sister used a 35 mm camera, my interests and strengths are in the digital end of photography.

Finally, I have always loved using the computer. It has always been easy for me to understand how compuers operate and the various software programs that run the systems. I always felt successful when using a computer. So it only feels natural that I would find a career that is related to the computer.

This has been my dream for a very long time. It makes me happy when I’m behind my camera capturing small moments of people’s lives. Some day, it is my hope to be good enough to be a Digital Photographer.

Good job!

Answer 2

You have good content, great ideas, but your organization is poor and you need to do some editing. You have used more than one verb tense in your writing, so you need to fix that. Eliminate passive voice, and all the "shoulds" and "woulds". See if you can put everything in the present tense.

Tighten up the language. For example, your first paragraph could read:

When I graduate from high school I want to be a Professional Digital Photographer because I am fascinated with capturing images of people in their own environment doing every day things. Preserving forever with a camera shutter a moment that passes in the blink of an eye (.... then use something different than "blows my mind").

You talk about the requirements of the job and then afterwards you talk about high school courses that might be helpful. Near the end of your essay you discuss your interest in photography since you were a young boy. You need to look at your organization and do an outline that is chronological and then rearrange your essay so that it makes better chronological sense. So an idea would be to talk about early interest in photography, personal characteristics, skills and talents, high school courses, university possibilities, getting experience through part time jobs, and finally career options.

Your final paragraph could read something like this:

My life long dream has been to be behind a camera capturing small moments of people’s lives. Some day I plan to be good enough to be a professional Digital Photographer.

As your essay stands now I would probably give it a C as a senior theme. It has the potential to be an A with some work.

Best of luck with your plans.

Answer 3

I think Professional Digital Photographer should be lowercased.

*I think you should try to eliminate the phrase "Professional Digital Photographer" from the second sentence, I think it sounds funny.
*And "life time" is supposed to be one word.
*Where you list the job range, I think instead of saying $51,960 you should just say $52,000.
*For a first sentence where you talk about classes, you should say something like "Art, digital photography, computer, and business classes will help a person interested in this field of work learn more about the career." And then go on explaining how each class will help: "Art classes will help with creativity skills..." etc.

"I’ve also been learning many new techniques in my Digital Photography class, such as improving the appearance of a photograph by eliminating unwanted blemishes, molds, red eye, and many other tricks to help improve my photographs."
*I would rearrange this section:
*"I've also been learning many new techniques in my Digital Photography class such as eliminating unwanted blemishes, molds, red eye, and many other tricks to help enhance and improve my photographs."

"After high school, your formal education requirements depend on your area of specialty. Although a college degree is not always necessary, it would be a benefit to complete. There are many aspects of digital photography that are available on a college level. Computer courses would be very helpful in this career choice. "
*Add an "s" after the word "depend".
*"...would be a benefit to complete college courses and earn a degree."
*"Computer courses would [add "also"] be very helpful..."

The rest is good, except I wouldn't talk about when you were a young boy last. Maybe move it up to the second paragraph.
Sorry for all the suggestions :[ I'm bored.
Congrats on being a senior!

Even though I am a year younger than you, I'd give it a B-.
Just do some rearranging.

Answer 4

From photography and DSLR camera basics right through to advanced techniques used by the professionals, this course will quickly and easily get your photography skills focused! Go here https://tr.im/FpYbG
By the end of this course you will have developed an instinctive skill-for-life that will enable you to capture truly stunning photos that not only amaze your friends and family... but could also open the doors to a brand new career.

Answer 5

Apart from the title, I'd scrap the capital letters of Professional Digital Photographer - makes it look unique, whereas there are lots of them. You wouldn't write "School Teacher". Apart from that - not bad :-)