Have you ever been in this situation and what should I do?

Question

I know this is not the place to ask but I'm at my wit's end!! I love my man to pieces and he's made me so happy in the long time that we've been together, but lately he's been cancelling on me, not bothering to call me etc. It's fine when we're spending time together but when we're apart it's as if he forgets about me. I know how he feels about me and I know that he's not cheating on me, so I just feel like he's taking me for granted. I've spoken to him today after he's cancelled on me again and said I want to speak to him tomorrow. He said he's scared that I'm going to break up with him. I don't want to lose him but can't face feeling like this. I've spoken to him so many times about it and he always says he'll change, but soon goes back to normal. I'm torn between breaking up with him and giving him one last chance. Is it worth giving him an ultimatum? I know I sound demanding but that's not how it is at all, I just want a balanced relationship!

JB - I call him my man because that's what he calls himself in relation to me. I see what you're saying but I'm not trying to suggest I 'own' him. He calls me his girl as much as he calls me his girlfriend.

Thanks for all your answers so far, although I'd like to make it clear that I do give him space! We have been together for years and I fully respect his need for space. I do not feel the need to know where he is, what he's doing or who he's with all the time, so I don't ask, partly because it'd annoy me if he did it to me!! I don't call him all the time either! I appreciate that you don't know me so you don't know this, but just setting the record straight incase it helps answer the question! Thanks for all your help so far!

Answer 1

You aren't being demanding. It's reasonable to expect your boyfriend to call you, to keep to his promises and so on. That's normal behaviour in a relationship.

I also don't think he's going to change unless he really loves you - and if he does, why hasn't he changed already? You've spoken to him loads of times about it and he's still doing it... that doesn't sound good. Why would yet another ultimatum work, when all your efforts so far haven't? He already knows what you want, and so far has decided that what he wants is more important.

I think you might have to make a decision - do you love this guy enough to put up with him as he really is (behaving like this), or are you better off finishing with him and finding someone who will treat you how you want to be treated?

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear. You don't say how long you've been together. But it's more likely that how he's been "lately" is in fact his real self and how he was at the beginning was the act. Not saying he's deliberately been trying to fool you, but you know how you make more of an effort at the start of a relationship.

Or it may be possible that he is having an affair or is considering leaving, if cancelling dates etc is a sudden change out of the blue and you absolutely know that he's not "really" like this.

Are you in a position to finish with him without it turning your life upside down (other than emotionally) - do you live with him, do you have kids? I'd be tempted to call it quits on the grounds that you've already given him an ultimatum, and see what reaction you get.

He'll almost certainly respond to an "I'll leave if you don't" ultimatum in the same way as he's responded to all your other pleas - he'll change for a short while and then slip back. But if you actually do walk away because of his behaviour, that should get him to think about what's more important to him. The downside is that he might decide that the answer isn't "you" - but then do you want to be with someone who doesn't put you first?

Answer 2

It sounds like he wants to still have his bachelor ways but with the security of having a women in a relationship when he wants. He might love you but only on his terms. Or you've both been in the relationship for so long that you've reached the point were he feels that there is nothing new to keep him excited. Maybe you need to spice up your life a bit try something new. Try reading some literature on spicing up your relationship. There's plenty out there. If after that he's still the same then nothing will change.
So, you either live with him as he is and wait until he either becomes mature enough for a give/take relationship or you leave him and look for someone who will give you the attention you desire. It's a hard choice, but if he's not attempting to maintain a balanced relationship he's become bored with it. You may find that after a while he will break up with you if he finds another woman. It's up to you whether you want to take that chance.

Answer 3

A lot of people say they will change and after a week or so, forget and go back to their natural ways.
If you've told him this more than once, and he's still not done anything about it, then maybe it is time for you to split up.
I'm not saying its gunna be easy, hell it'll be far from easy, but if you really can't do it anymore, then maybe breaking up is for the best.
You can even try just going for a break for a few weeks and see what happens, and if you see no improvement in his behaviour then you can decide from there whether you want to get back with him or not.
At the end of the day, it's up to you with where the relationship will go, he knows hes in trouble, but you've also got to understand that theres 2 people in a relationship... he might've done wrong, but then i expect you've made some mistakes in the past.

Answer 4

He is hiding something! It sounds as though he has either had 'something' with someone else or he's afraid to make a commitment to you.

You say you know he isn't cheating on you but do not say how you know. Just because he says he isn't doesn't mean he hasn't/isn't.

You need to get it out of him (whatever it is that is causing his problem) and the only way is to talk on neutral ground - not your place and not his - away from your local haunts!

From experience of friends that I have helped in the past, something is not right here with what he is saying! At the end of the day, if he has seen someone else, only you can decide whether you forgive and try again. No one on here can decide for you!

It is a tough situation and at some point you may have to make the decision and start off from new or move on.

Answer 5

You don't sound demanding to me - he's the one who is demanding, expecting you to hang around for him and accept his cancellations. He's manipulating you, making you feel bad about his behaviour.
If you want a balanced relationship, I suggest you say goodbye to him and hope for someone else to come along.
You are worth it - you probably know deep down that he isnt going to change. After all, he would have done by now if he really wanted to.
The longer you let him get away with this behaviour, the worse he'll get.
Good luck - only you know what you need to do - just have the courage of your convictions.

Answer 6

I think what is happening is that your boyfriend/man by not communicating with you when you are apart, is causing you to doubt his committment to your relationship.

We can all talk a good relationship, but it is actions that make it work.

To me his words say one thing, his actions say another.

You've tried talking to him, & nothing has changed. If he is so scared your going to break up with him why doesn't he show you have much he loves you when you are apart?

I think the only question is when, not if, you end this relationship, Is he ever going to make you truly happy again like he did in the past, & give you what you want?

I'm sorry, but I can see some tough decisions having to be made soon.

Answer 7

Hi Skallywag!!!

I'll be sincere, you sound, demanding!!! Sometimes we get use to things, but by getting use to them we forget about theneeds of the other person.

Give him some space to do and go to where he wants without constantly calling him. Let him feel the need of calling you or knowing how you are and what you are doing!!!

Every body needs there own space, I bet that when is you who wants to do or go about your business, you rather not having him calling or checking up on you like that!!!

If you don't stop acting like if you are married and have 10 children, you will definitely loose him. Youneed to find something to do, to ease your mind, you both need a brake. The difference is that he is trying to take his, and you are probably have been taking your's al the time.

If I am wrong, please forgive me. I don't know you or him, but the way that you are expressing your issue; sounds more like is your own personal problem rather than his.

Let him take some time without feeling trapped in this relationship. Be you, the one that don't call him. Give him the chance to think about you and to miss you!!!

I sense you are pushing him away, demanding so much from him. And probably this has nothing to do with him loving you or not, but be careful.

Before speaking to him I will suggest, for you to spek to yourself. You know the truth of why probably is acting like this.
And you have the answer too!!!

So look at it this way, he is NOT your husband(yet), if you keep on acting this way he will never be!
He is NOT your child, he is NOT under age, and every body is entitle to their own privacy!!! You have your's!!!!

He needs his!!! Treat him like when you met him, that you didn't know where was him at all times, or with whom, doing what??? Give him SPACE!!!! And you will have him for a looooong time!!! Don't be pushy, or demanding, you will not like somebody like that at your side, either!!!! NO one does!!!!


GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS YOU & HAPPY NEW YEAR

ALLIV Z

Answer 8

Well you can't change him, he knows it upsets you but he continues to do it. Giving him an ultimatim won't change him either. So here's the deal. Can you live with his behavior? You can't change people unless they want to change, and you being upset and hurt should be motivation enough for him to want to change, he even realizes that the relationship is hanging because of this issue, and yet all he can do is whine that he's afraid you'll dump him. So like I said, it's up to you, not everyone is perfect in everyway for another person, so you have to decide what your priorities are and live with the rest. My man is a slob and it drive me up the wall, but not enough to leave him over it, but some people wouldn't be able to live with that. Good Luck.

Answer 9

I say dump him, or if you don't feel quite up to doing that yet, delete his number from your phone and get on with your life; your friends, job and hobbies. When he realises that you're not waiting for him anymore he'll soon change his mind. And when he does, it wouldn't hurt to cancel on him a few times as well. MEn like the chase and the mystery!

Answer 10

No, it is not in any respect handed off in a 7 interest sequence. In 1974, the Celtics performed the Milwaukee greenbacks interior the finals, Milwaukee had the homestead courtroom benefit. at that factor, the finals performed a 2-2-a million-a million-a million format, extremely than the present 2-3-2. interest a million at Milwaukee: Boston gained interest 2 at Milwaukee: Milwaukee gained interest 3 at Boston: Boston gained interest 4 at Boston: Milwaukee gained interest 5 at Milwaukee: Boston gained interest 6 at Boston: Milwaukee gained interest 7 at Milwaukee: Boston gained In that sequence, 5 of the 7 video games have been gained via the line team, including the ideal 4 video games of the sequence. basically video games 2 and 3 have been gained via the homestead team. It became in interest 6 that Kareem hit the admired skyhook that gave the greenbacks the 102-a hundred and one victory in double time beyond regulation. John Havlicek neglected the ideal shot for Boston, and the sequence went to interest 7, the place the Celtics routed the greenbacks in Milwaukee. interest 7 became additionally the ideal interest of Oscar Robertson's occupation